


What We Gain in Letting Go

by Miss_Conduct



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Bereavement., F/F, Graphic death flashback, Gun Violence, Murder, a scene where there is talking about an unsuccessful attempt of rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-03 14:54:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 71,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15821172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Conduct/pseuds/Miss_Conduct
Summary: Set in Storybrooke (Land without magic AU)Henry Mills is  troubled young man.  After losing his father two years ago, he has been stuck in the anger stage of grief, holding onto the pain, along with the memories of his father.  His mother, Regina, is at her wits end.  Trying to do the best by her son, as well as running the down as Madam Mayor, is difficult, especially when she's often blackmailed by the former corrupt politician.  Her tough exterior softens when a blonde stranger comes to town.  Little does she know this stranger is so much more than she bargained for when she makes a final deal with Mr. Gold.Emma Swan is returning to Storybrooke after ten years, and he world is turned upside down after rescuing a student before she even starts... Henry.  When Regina and Emma's worlds collide, happiness finds them.  Two ghosts from Emma's past catch up with her and threatens to destroy her future happiness and expose a secret that causes friction.Join the trio on their quests to let go of their pasts, and discover how they gain so much more together from just letting go.





	1. Missing

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the characters or the location (Storybrooke) from Once Upon a Time. This is a work of fanfiction. This is the first time I have completed a multi-chapter fic, with multi POV's. (Please be gentle ha ha).
> 
>  
> 
> I'd like to thank my fiancee for supporting me through this, and encouraging me to keep going when I felt like giving up. I love you Z!
> 
> I'd also like to thank my awesome Beta reader, Kayla @warriorsq22 on Twitter for being so patient with my writing as having dyslexia meant she had her work cut out for her handling my many typos, missing words, grammatical errors, etc and helping me with my sentence structuring and flow etc. 
> 
> Thanks to my reaction reader, Athi who read he first few chapters for me and just wanted to keep reading more and more which told me I was doing something right. the encouragement was appreciated!
> 
> I'd like to thank my all my other friends in Stray Swen GC for their encouragement and support, and also telling to get the hell of social media when they could see I was getting distracted. I'd like to thank Lana Parrilla and Jennifer Morrison because without them and their natural chemistry, SwanQueen wouldn't be the same. 
> 
> And thanks to @sqsupernova for boot camp, (I really needed that) and assisting every step of the way when I had struggled. I wrote this fic whilst recovering from a car accident, at a time my sister had been induced into a coma when she got sick (she got better), when my laptop was breaking and my adhd was causing major distraction issues. @sqsupernova were accommodating and helpful, and I really appreciate all the help in making this happen. I've finally finished a fic I started!!! Thank you.
> 
> To the boy who inspired part of this fic, and will be getting the PG version... Letting go does not mean we forget them, and it doesn't mean that we no longer love them. Letting go just means we let go of the pain that destroys us on the inside. There will come a time when you are ready to let go of that pain, because you will realise that holding onto the hurt, is far more painful for you than letting it go. Bereavement hurts, but it does get easier to live with, and move forward. Keep going and take each day as it comes. You'll get there. The pain of loss is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

“Nobody’s seen him Sheriff Graham!”  Regina exclaimed through her tears. Her voice quivered as she paced back and forth across the wooden floor of her spacious hallway, heels echoing in the silence of the empty mansion.  “He should have been home by three thirty and it’s now six thirty! Nobody has seen him since he left school!” Her voice rose, sharp and commanding as her eyes locked fiercely with the Sheriff's. "I _swear_ if anything bad has happened to my son I will _kill_ Miss Blanchard! She was supposed to supervise the children getting on to the school bus!"

 

“Madam Mayor I’m doing everything in my power to find Henry.  I have a search party looking for him as we speak.. People he knows, people he trusts.”  Sheriff Graham said calmly, trying to reassure the panic stricken mother. “Now, is there anywhere he may have wandered to?  Anywhere we haven’t covered in the list you gave me an hour ago? ”

 

“What, you think I wouldn’t know the places my son regularly visits?” She snapped, her voice rising again. “I’ve given you every possible place he could be, Sheriff!  If he isn’t in those places and definitely isn’t at the cemetery...” Regina paused breathless for a moment, heart pounding with anxiety thinking about the many scenarios to explain why her son was missing.  She struggled to catch her breath as she spoke. “What if...” she started, unsure of whether or not she could finish the sentence aloud, “what if he’s been kidnapped?

 

“Regina...” Graham started, but was met with interruption by Regina’s panic stricken ramblings.

“I already checked the hospital and he isn’t there!  What if someone’s taken my son?” She asked becoming more breathless, “What if he’s been taken and he’s, he’s, he’s _terrified_ , or worse?!” Regina’s furrowed brows arched trying to hold back the tears that were forming at the corner of  her eyes, but it was no use. The tears were heavy and begun streaming down her cheeks, dragging black mascara with them.  

 

Sheriff Graham’s lips pressed into a firm tight line for a moment, breathing through his nose, whilst he composed himself as a pillar of strength Regina needed.

 

“Madam Mayor, listen to me.”  He gently commanded, placing gentle hands on her shoulders.   “You need to take control of your breathing, or you’ll make yourself ill. I want you to take slow deep breaths in for five seconds at a time and then let out your breath slowly for five seconds each time, okay?” Regina nodded in agreement.

 

“Good, now count with me in your head...” Graham began, coaching Regina on  regaining control. When her breathing slowed, Graham relaxed, gently removed his hands, and began to speak in a soft assertive tone.  “There, that’s better. Now, let’s focus on the positives for a moment. So far he hasn’t shown up at the hospital so there’s a good chance he’s not hurt...”

 

“But there’s every chance he could be dead in a ditch somewhere, Sheriff! My son could be laying dead somewhere, and where am I?”  Regina’s voice took rise again. She stopped, for a moment and took a few deep breaths to regain composure, before speaking in a calm but stern tone, “I’m at home pacing the damn floors, talking to a Sheriff who isn’t out there finding my son!” Tears resumed streaming down Regina’s fearful yet angry face, as her body tensed.  The urge to rip someone’s heart out of their chest quaked through her fiercely. Preferably, Sheriff Graham’s for not finding Henry yet, or better yet, Miss Blanchard’s, for being careless in her job, or maybe _everyone_ in Storybrooke... but losing control and making enemies in town wouldn’t get her any closer to finding Henry.

 

“Regina,” Graham said, replacing his hands on her tense shoulders and making direct eye contact  “We WILL find him,” his soft furrowed brow gave Regina the impression that he may not believe his own words.

 

“You don’t know that Sheriff,” she dismissed, “don’t make promises you may not be able to keep.”

 

“I don’t _ever_ give up.  I _will_ find him and bring him back home.”  Regina’s eyes fell away from his. She was so used to pain and heartbreak in her life that she was preparing for the worst.  Graham’s hand gently guided her chin back to him.

 

“I promise you Regina, I will find him, or my search party will.  We’ll do everything humanly possible to bring Henry home.” With those last few words, he turned on his heel and headed towards the door turning  to face her as he opened it. “You know, it may feel like you’re doing nothing,” he said, “but staying home is just as important, in case he comes back on his own.  An empty house wouldn’t be welcoming.”

 

Regina nodded, arms crossed, hoping he was right, that he would find Henry safe and well.  It had been two years since his father, Daniel had died, and Henry had found himself stuck in a cycle of anger and grief related depression since moving on from the initial shock.  He had his good days and bad, but he had never run away or not come home after school before. Regina began to wonder if Henry had maybe hurt himself in some way and was stuck somewhere.  Images flashed before her eyes of him doing something very final and she daren’t utter those words. Fate had been a bitch to her and she wasn’t willing to utter any worries for fate to hear and be tempted by. Her lips pressed tightly together and tears welled up again in her eyes as she watched Sheriff Graham pull out from the driveway.

Regina’s  breath echoed loudly in the spacious mansion.  Without Henry it felt so empty and lifeless, like the house was mirroring her emotions back at her.  She took her phone from the side table, home to a half filled decanter of apple cider, hoping that Henry might have sent a text, but there was nothing.  Her fists clenched, resisting the urge to launch the phone at the wall. Beginning to lose the fight against hysteria, Regina reached for the apple cider.  Henry would not be waiting for her at the bottom of it, but she needed something to take the edge off and regain control over herself.

 

Since Daniel had passed, she found that love was a weakness.  It made her impossibly weak and in less control of her feelings.  She looked into the brass framed mirror hanging on the wall, perfectly centred above the decanter.  She barely recognised the woman reflecting back at her and the self-critic voice in her head began to speak.  

 

 _You’re going to lose your son just like you lost your husband.  Everyone you love will leave you in some way, somehow. You ruin everything.  Daniel’s death was your fault._..

 

“ENOUGH!” Regina shouted, voice echoing in the empty room.  She breathed in deeply then exhaled slowly, knocking back the entire contents of the tumbler and pouring another glass straight away before she headed into the living room, quivering with the urge to smash the mirror to pieces.

 

Time drifted by slowly as she sat on the couch waiting for a call or for Henry to walk through the door.  Ten minutes started lagged like ten hours to Regina. The lights were dimmed and the fire place was still burning but sitting in the silence of that warm glow was chilling.  Tears slowly fell as her panda-eyes, mascara stained face became even messier as she tried wiping her tears with her bare hands. Eyes flickering towards the clock on the wall, she noted that it was pointed at 7:15. It was almost Henry’s bedtime, but all she could do was sit and wait for him to come home.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2 - Returning Home

“Welcome to Storybrooke” Emma sarcastically read aloud as she drove past the sign.  She was finally home after spending over a decade away from Storybrooke and it took her back to her memories as  a teenager. She turned up the radio and drove through the woodland roads, rock music blaring from the open windows of her vintage Volkswagen Beetle.  Due to the cars age, the music was a little tinny. There was no equaliser to play with to get the right balance of sound, but as much as Emma would love to buy a new car, this was the first she had bought before attending college.  It was all she could afford at the time, and she certainly couldn’t afford a new one now. Surprisingly, the little canary yellow tin can on wheels had served her well, and held so many memories that she just couldn’t let her go.

 

Emma began singing at the top of her voice to the music whilst she drove through the stretch of woods before entering the heart of Storybrooke. Turning the volume right down as she pulled into the quaint little town, she  parked across the street from Granny’s Diner. A wave of nostalgia washed over her when she saw that neon diner sign and the warm glow from inside. Memories of being with her parents at Granny’s Diner every Saturday lunch time played in her mind as if she was watching a movie.  She smiled, recalling her dad goofing around, piercing potatoes with forks and putting the forks to his chin pretending his head had legs and feet on the table. She remembered how he’d make the legs dance as he sang Disney songs quietly so as not to disturb other customers. She laughed a little, remembering how she and her mom would laugh at what a goofball he was at times.  Maybe that’s where she got her goofiness from.

 

Opening her car door, she climbed out and just leaned against the car for a moment, taking a look around  from where she stood. Everything appeared to be just as she left it, but Emma knew all too well that things weren’t always as they seemed.  People came and went just like she had. She’d been away from home for so long that she wasn’t even sure if Granny was still around or if the Diner had been taken over by her granddaughter, Ruby.

 

The smell of the food from Granny’s finally made its way to her nose, her mouth watering slightly at the thought of having the best grilled cheese in the world once again. Before she knew it, her feet had carried her over to the door. She opened it to find the diner, same set up as it had always been, with a few minor changes in decor.  The wallpaper was new, an off-white colour with grey evergreen trees, like a forest on the wall. The booths along the side still had their typical diner red leather, the smaller grey tables down the aisle still had their matching red leather padded chrome chairs and the breakfast bar still had the matching stools. The colour of the leather didn’t seem as vibrant as it once was, but the ambience of the place was familiar.  Emma realised belatedly that the people standing around the centre tables had fallen silent and were meeting her with stares, as if she had just interrupted something.

 

“Sorry, did I... um... ” Emma started awkwardly, face warming with all those faces looking at her curiously.  There were too many new ones for her to focus on.

 

“Emma!” the voice was one she could never mistake... her mother. She saw the top of her head bobbing through the crowd towards her until she broke through the people.  When she finally made it to her, Mary-Margaret engulfed her in a long hug that they had both needed for quite some time. “You found us! You’re home! I’ve missed you!” She squeezed Emma a little tighter as if somehow that could make up for all the hugs she may have needed over the last ten years.

 

“Hi mom,” she said a little embarrassed with everyone watching this squeeze of affection.  “Good to see you. Are Dad and Neal here too?”

 

“He just went to get gas for the truck and some supplies.”  Mary-Margaret explained whilst still holding the daughter she hadn’t seen for quite some time.  “Ruby’s babysitting Neal for us.” Mary-Margaret gently released Emma from the hug, moving to hold onto Emma’s arms, not quite ready to leave the hug.  “I thought you were meant to be arriving Sunday night?”

 

“Well I figured it’s best to have a couple of days to settle back in.  Y’know, remember where everything is, get my bearings again? It’s been a while, nothing’s changed.”

 

“Oh Emma honey you know Storybrooke, nothing much changes here but as usual we have some drama going on in town.”

 

“What would Storybrooke be without a bit of drama, huh?”  Emma smirked as she rolled her eyes and smirked. What’s going on?”

 

“The mayor’s son is missing.”

 

“Mr. Gold’s got another son?”  Emma ask curiously, a little triggering discomfort blooming in her stomach.

 

It had been a long time since she was in the same room as that man.  Every time she thought of the last time she saw him many unresolved feelings popped up as she relived the moment he had her cornered, threatening and blaming  her for Neal’s car accident.

 

_ If ye hadn’t been so stupid, ma boy would still be alive.  And one day, Miss Nolan, when you least expect it, I’ll see to it that you pay the price for his death.  Mark my words. _

 

His aggressive Scottish accent and tone still echoed clearly in Emma’s head from time to time.  Even her change in name didn’t help with distancing herself from that memory. She could still feel his bony arm against her neck and the cold wall on her back that she had been pinned to. She even remembered the stench of his soured breath upon her skin.  College couldn’t have come at a much better time. Leaving Storybrooke without telling anyone about the altercation gave Emma her best chance of avoiding whatever price he was calculating as a suitable punishment. Little did he know that she had already paid the greatest price she could pay.

 

“Oh, no.  Mr. Gold was replaced when his term ended.”  Mary-Margaret informed her. “He didn’t get re-elected.  There’s so much greed, deceit and corruption in that one.”  Emma snapped herself out of the memory, almost sighing in relief at those words.

 

“What do you mean?  Did he get locked up?”  Emma asked with hope that might be the case.

 

“Oh no sweetie, nothing like that.  He was smooth in covering his tracks, his reputation for shady deals began to die down.  I have a feeling it was still happening, but somehow that man knows everything that goes on in this town.  If he had something on you, you daren’t speak of it. It’s not worth risking your life. But you’ll have nothing to fear from him.  He has nothing on you my darling girl. You’ve always been on the right side of everyone; the good side.” The knot in Emma’s stomach tightened a little as her biggest motivation for leaving was down to Gold and his threats.

 

Emma hummed, avoiding the truth of the situation that became a driving force in her departure.  “So who’s the  _ new  _ mayor?” She questioned, hoping that she could change the subject with ease and not have to think more about Gold.

 

“Well... she’s a woman!”  Upon hearing her mother delivery that part of the story, Emma’s eyes widened for a moment.  As far back as local history went, Storybrooke had only ever had men in charge of the town. “She moved here a couple of years ago.”

 

Emma half listened to her mother gossip for a while, whilst she occasionally caught the eyes of some of the town’s people who recognised her, people that she remembered.  They gave her a little wave when she smiled and raised her eyebrows in acknowledgement.

 

“She was here all of ten minutes before deciding to run a campaign to be elected.”  Mary Margaret continued. “I don’t know how she won when nobody really knew much about her, I’m sure saving a local child in a fire helped, but really we didn’t know much about her.  I was so sure your father would win. But anyway she was voted in, the first female Mayor of Storybrooke!”

 

“Wow!”  Emma interrupted, hoping to end her mother’s rambling.  “That certainly is a change having a woman running the town. And a hero too!  Good for her!” Emma said, somewhat surprised by the news and pride swelling in her chest at  a female stranger she had yet to meet.  _ Perhaps Storybrooke was finally progressing  _ Emma thought to herself.

 

“Yeah well what’s not good for her right now is that her son is missing, and this is the search party,” Mary Margaret gestured \towards the residents of Storybrooke who either nodded towards or greeted Emma with a one swipe wave. “We need to find him, Emma.  He’s quite a vulnerable little boy.”

 

“All kids are vulnerable mom.” Emma tilted her head a little, raising her eyebrows as if her mom had just made the silliest statement she’d ever heard.

 

“No, Emma I mean,  _ really  _ vulnerable.”  Turning Emma away from earshot of the crowd, she ushered Emma to the far corner booth as the town’s people resumed their discussions.  “He’s a troubled soul.” She said, keeping the volume of her voice at a lower tone. “He’s grieving. Henry lost his father just before they moved here, but they don’t seem to connect that his kinda destructive behaviour is grief that he’s working through.  I tried explaining that to them once, but, well, Regina really doesn’t like anyone speaking of her son’s struggles for some reason.” Listening to her mom’s account of this boy’s pain, Emma felt so sad for the kid. She tried to imagine what losing her Dad would do to her, and the thought was unbearable.

 

“That’s so sad Mom.  How did he lose his Dad?”  She asked wondering as to what possible extent his Henry’s trauma and grief was.

 

“Well that’s the thing nobody really knows for sure.  Regina doesn’t talk about it at all with anyone. If Henry asks her anything whilst they’re in public, she says ‘ _ we’ll talk when we get home  _ ’.”  Mary Margaret did her best impersonation of a strict mother as a reflection of Regina’s character, but it was wasted on Emma as she had never met the woman.

 

“Maybe it hurts too much for her to share with people?”

 

“Maybe.  I was Henry’s teacher last year, and after being promoted to Principal, I’ve been acting as a part time substitute teacher for some of this year until you could get here.  He’s in the class that you’re taking over.” Emma dropped her head into her hands.

 

“Mom, I haven’t had a kid with issues and behaviour problems before.  How the hell am I gonna cope with him and thirty other kids?”

 

“He’s not usually disruptive in school, it’s after school he’s challenging.  He’s more of a depressive within the school environment. Today though, he was swearing and angry…. Usually he’s okay to manage, Emma, he just needs a push to actually do some work.  We’ve had talks when he’s been sad or angry, or when I’ve noticed the homework he’s turned in starts slipping. You’ll be fine.”

 

“We’ll see.  Emma said, shaking her head at how much she may be dealing with on her first day.  It suddenly occurred to her that what she had to deal with was making a big deal over something so small.   _  Come on Emma,  _ she thought.  _  So it’s gonna be a little tough.  It’s nothing in comparison to what this Henry kid has had to face for the past two years.  _  She felt a little guilty for complaining about it in the first place.  “I’m sorry Mom, I’m just nervous. My first real teaching job I thought I’d be eased into it, y’ know?  Like learning to ride a bike with stabilizers.”

 

“I understand.  You’ll have a student teacher with you to help out.  Jasmine is a natural teacher, but also a really good paraprofessional teaching assistant.  I know it’s not easy but I know my daughter, I know what you are capable of, Emma. Even if you doubt it sometimes.  You know, I don’t think he actually knows how his dad died for sure and I think that may be a huge reason as to why he has been stuck in this part of the grief process.”

 

“How could he not know?”  

 

“All he has told me, is that his Dad had a heart that wasn’t strong enough because his brain was sick.  So maybe brain cancer or something? I don’t know. Henry told me that he was shocked that his Dad died, but a sick brain and weak heart suggests he might have been ill for quite some time. Something doesn’t quite add up and Henry’s a smart kid.  He’ll realise that eventually.”

 

“Man that kid has had it rough.  How old is he?”

 

“He’s only ten.  Regina pays top dollar for a therapist to work with Henry too.  You’d think maybe there would be some progress. She could’ve used the free therapist recommended by his insurance company, but instead, she pays the extra to have an experienced child therapist who specialises in bereavement working with him every week.”

 

“Speaking from experience Mom, it does get worse before it gets better.  Therapy is like reopening an old wound and cleaning an infection out of it before stitching yourself back together.  It hurts after first, but it heals. My therapist used to say to me,  _ you gotta feel it to heal it  _ , as much as nobody likes doing that it’s the best way to get it all out.”

 

“You’re right, Emma.  I’m sorry I haven’t asked how you are.  I know being back here could be quite uncomfortable for you.”

 

“I’m good mom, really.”  Emma deflected. “If the mayor is paying the extra for her son’s therapy then she must have faith that it’s worth the extra money. I mean she wouldn’t keep sending him to that therapist without seeing the slightest result would she?”

 

“I wouldn’t have thought so.  But money isn’t really an issue for her.  Henry’s father left quite the estate to Regina.  You remember that gorgeous white mansion on Mifflin Street?  We would pass by it sometimes when you were a little girl. You’d tell me the gate had a heart shape in the swirls every time without fail, and we’d daydream about what it would be like to live in that house some day?”

 

“Yeah, yeah I remember it.”

 

“Well it belonged to her husband.  You might remember him living there.  Daniel Colter?”

 

“No I don’t remember him.  Nice house for her and the kid though.  I mean not nice the way she got the mansion losing her Husband.”

 

“And she has a well paid job being Mayor.  So she can afford the extra for the therapy.  Oh you should know he doesn’t get the school bus home on Thursdays. Regina picks him up to take him to his appointment.”

 

“Right, okay. Man, this was a  _ lot  _ to take in over ten minutes.  I can only imagine what the Mayor must be going through with her son missing.” Emma said placing her hands on her hips.  “Well I’m here so use me. I can help.”

 

“Emma!,  you just got here!  It would’ve taken you  a good four to five hours drive to get here.  Aren’t you tired?”

 

“Really mom, I was working as a bail bonds person through the semester breaks to get through college.  If that taught me anything, it was how to find a needle in a haystack, even when I’m tired. I can help find the kid.”  Emma reassured. Mary-Margaret opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted by a gruff, grumpy voice from the crowd.

 

“We’ve looked everywhere for him, blondie.  He don’t wanna be found.” Emma’s eyes flickered to the direction it was coming from.  She saw a small bearded man, wearing a winter lumberjack cap and a puffy jacket making him seem bigger than maybe he was underneath it. He flashed an expression that resembled a man who had been chewing a stinging nettle his whole life.  “We’ve already searched everywhere, the boy’s probably skipped town. I would too if I was the Mayor’s kid.” Emma sensed from his bitter tone that he and the Mayor didn’t get along, but she also sensed that this grumpy man before her probably didn’t get along with anyone.

 

“Now Leroy, don’t be mean, that won’t help us find Henry.”  Mary-Margaret scolded, “Regina loves that boy so much!” The short grumpy man looked pained to admit that Mary Margaret was right. “And by the way,  _ blondie  _ is my daughter, Emma.”  Leroy looked both shocked and chastened as he removed his cap and lowered his head in respect.

 

“Forgive me Princess,” Leroy said with sincerity.  “I didn’t recognise you. I’m sorry.” Emma struggled to place Leroy in her memories of Storybrooke.  She felt maybe she knew him when she was little, maybe as a much happier man. Though she lacked some memories of him and some of the other faces that stood before her, he obviously respected her mother and her enough to apologise.

 

“It’s okay...” Emma paused to recall his name, “Leroy.”  Her vocal inflection pitched slightly higher as she was unsure if she remembered the correct name.  He looked up at her as she began to pardon him. “I’m sure I’ve changed a lot. I’m all grown up.” Leroy pressed his lips together and nodded as he looked up at her.

 

“Now,” Mary Margaret interjected, “let’s get back to figuring out where we haven’t looked because there’s bound to be somewhere we haven’t thought of.”  She said,motioning towards the main table everyone was crowded around. Leroy nodded as he drank his soup from the polystyrene foam cup and turned around to the table behind him.  Emma noticed a map of the town and some red sharpies on the table. Many red X marks covered the map.

 

“What can I do to help out, mom?  What do you need?” Emma spoke quietly with an assertive tone - she was already pumped, ready and willing to help find Henry.

 

“Well first of all, grab some warm soup and a roll, you’ll need to keep your strength up as we may be out for most of the night and it’s chilly out there with winter on the way.  Once you’ve got some food in your belly, go have a talk with Sheriff Graham. He’s organised this search party and he’s keeping tabs on where people have looked for Henry. He has a recent photo of him too, so you’ll know who you’re looking for.”  Emma nodded and headed to the diner bar, she dismissed the idea of the soup and a roll, turning her nose up at it. She wasn’t a soup kind of girl. She began looking at the menu boards, searching for the price of a grilled cheese as she only had five dollars in her pocket and her stomach was growling.

 

“Don’t tell me you’ve come all this way just to eat my food and you haven’t got a hug for your old pal, Granny!”  Emma smiled as she heard the familiar voice of the old woman she used to think was her own grandmother and turned to see Granny Lucas walking from the kitchen out to the main floor.

 

“Hi Granny!” Emma greeted the old lady, embracing her with a hug.  The bond between them most would think they were related by blood. She looked so much older than Emma had remembered from when Granny used to babysit for David and Mary-Margaret.  “It’s so good to see you! I’m glad you’re still here.”

 

“I may be old Emma, but ya ain’t getting rid of old Granny just yet!  I’ve still got plenty of life left in me!” She chuckled as she spoke squeezing Emma in a welcoming hug.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”  Emma said through a smile, shaking her head.  “How have you been? And Ruby? I didn’t see her in the crowd.”

 

“Oh I’m as good as I always am, and Ruby is the lovable pain in my ass she always is,” she said in jest with a smirk.  “It’s been a long time Emma! Let me get a proper look at ya!” Granny took a step back and held Emma’s hands whilst she had a good look at the young girl she had known now standing before her as a full grown woman. “You kids grow up so fast, making me feel so old” she chuckled letting go of Emma’s hands.  “Oh to be young again!” Granny started making her way back behind the breakfast bar. “So young lady, what brings you back to Storybrooke?”

 

“Ugh, I needed to get outta Boston, and Mom helped me get a job at the elementary school here.  A proper teaching job, finally! Might as well use the degree I have right?”

 

“I agree!  You’ll make a great teacher, Emma.  I don’t know why you became a bail bonds person in the first place.”  Composing herself as if she were royalty, Granny continued, “It is not becoming of a lady.” She said in her best British regal accent, waving her hand as if she were the Queen.

 

“Well Granny,” Emma ushered her in closer to whisper her secret. “We both know I was never very good at being ladylike anyway!” she winked, bringing a smile to  Granny’s face.

 

“I’ve missed you, Emma.  So where’s this smouldering dark handsome boyfriend of yours you spoke about in your letters to your Mom?  Or should I say fiancé now?” Emma screwed up her face a little and looked away. “Trouble in paradise?” Granny questioned being particularly nosey.

 

“That was some time ago Granny, did she not tell you that we broke up?”

 

“No… I don’t think so. But my memory isn’t what it used to be.”

 

“Well it’s a long story and I’ll tell you all about it some other time. But right now we’ve got a kid to find.”  Emma was secretly proud of her avoiding skills this evening.

 

“Oh yes, I won’t stop you.  If anyone can find him, you can.” Granny seemed full of confidence in Emma’s capabilities.

 

“Granny, before we go searching, could I be really cheeky and ask for a grilled cheese and a root beer to go, and give you the money tomorrow or something when I can get to an ATM?”

 

“It’s on the house tonight,” Granny said with a smile.  Just think of it as a welcome home treat.” Emma couldn’t help but smile at the old lady being so happy to see her.  She seemed more excited that Emma was back in Storybrooke than Emma was herself. As she sat down at the breakfast bar waiting for Granny to get her food ready, her mother and the lightly bearded Sheriff made their way over to her.

 

“Emma Swan, I’m Sheriff Graham.” He said holding out his hand to shake.  Emma wasn’t expecting to hear such a beautiful Irish accent. She met his formal greeting and gave a firm handshake.

 

“Nice to meet you Sheriff, though I wish I could say it was under better circumstances.  Hopefully I can be of assistance.”

 

“It’s a shame about the circumstances but maybe you’re here for a reason.  Maybe you’ll find Henry. Your mom told me about your previous job.”

 

The conversation was interrupted for a moment as Granny placed a brown paper bag and a bottle of rootbeer in front of Emma, and excused herself.  Emma couldn’t wait so she changed her mind and began to tuck into the grilled cheese toastie. The Sheriff propped himself at the breakfast bar with a case file, and fished out a print out copy of the photograph Regina had given to him when she first called his office.  

 

“As a former bails bonds person I’m sure you’re used to finding anyone.  This is Henry Daniel Mills,” Emma took the print out from Graham’s hand. “He’s ten years old, brown hair, hazel eyes, about four and a half feet tall and weighs around sixty-eight pounds, average build for a young boy his age.”

 

She gazed upon the image of the ten year old boy smiling at her.  “He looks familiar, like I’ve seen him somewhere before.” Emma said a little confused trying to place him yet knowing placing him was an impossibility.  His smile, for all you could see his teeth, didn’t look genuine. Emma felt a little uncomfortable the longer she gazed upon the photo.

 

“I doubt you’ve seen him before.  He only moved here a couple of years ago.”

 

“Right, yeah.  I think he just reminds me a little of someone I used to know or maybe someone famous.  I just can’t think who.” She said squinting at the photo print as if that would somehow jog her memory.

 

“Well you hang onto that print out.  You’ll need it in case you find him. Do you remember the area well?”

 

“Ummm, I grew up here before moving away to Boston. I’ve been away for quite some time, but I’m sure I’ll remember my way around. Not much ever changes in this town.  I’ll take a photo of the map where everyone has looked.” She said taking her cell phone from the pocket of her red leather jacket.

 

“Emma?  You’re here early!”  Emma smiled as she recognised the voice of her father, she turned around to see him stood before her with his arms open.  She hugged him, beginning to feel a lot less awkward now that she had seen some familiar faces. She felt welcomed, she felt like she was finally home.

 

“Hey Dad, didn’t mom call you as soon as I arrived? Now that is a surprise!”

 

“No, I’m sure your mother wanted me to be as surprised to see you as she would’ve been.  We weren’t expecting you until Sunday night. I haven’t got round to preparing the spare room yet.”

 

“Oh don’t worry. I figured I’d stay somewhere else so I’m not in the way.”

 

“I won’t hear of it...” David started, but he was interrupted by the Sheriff’s raised voice.

 

“Okay everyone listen up!  We just finished marking off the areas checked.  There’s a lot of ground we haven’t covered, but it’s mainly the forest area and the outskirts.  I want all of you in teams of three. It’s dark and if someone gets hurt as we search one person can stay with the injured party whilst the other finds help.  Cell phone signals are lost when in the woods, so try to be as careful as you can when searching the forest. Make sure you have torches, cell phones, take some water, it could be a long night...”  

 

As the crowd started moving and getting ready whilst he spoke, Sheriff Graham’s speech was interrupted by a phone call, he checked the screen. “Okay quiet everyone it’s the Mayor.”  The crowd stopped, silencing themselves so that Sheriff Graham could speak.

 

“Madam Mayor... sorry I was late with the update... I know I’m sorry.  We’ve just regrouped to check off the areas we’ve covered. Henry hasn’t been found yet, but we are narrowing our search it shouldn’t be much... yes we’ll check your vault...”  The crowd seemed to be leaning forward trying to listen whilst Emma quietly ate her grilled cheese. It had come quicker than she expected. “No no, stay there, just in case he comes home, I’ll be over to collect it now, the search parties are heading back out and will be searching all of the woods and outskirts... I’m on my way.”

 

The Sheriff placed his hand over his mouth and rubbed at his beard, a look of concern etched across his face.  “As I was saying, this is the last area of Storybrooke to check. Henry  _ must  _ ... _ be  _ ...  _ found  _ !  If he’s not in the woods somewhere... well, I don’t want to begin thinking what might have happened to him.  Leave no stone unturned and be very careful out there. Thank you.”

 

With that final instruction, the crowd quickly departed and  Emma left with her parents in their truck headed to the forest.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a chilly evening in Storybrooke and Emma was mentally preparing for the worst.  She’d seen some terrifying things in her time, and didn’t want to emotionally break if she were to uncover the child’s lifeless body.  The family began to talk about the woods and places a young kid might end up in the forest. There were several landmarks amongst the trees whereby he could hide away if needed.  Regina’s vault was a new landmark Emma wasn’t familiar with. There was the riverside, the nearby wishing well and also the “troll bridge”, which was just a regular bridge where Emma and her childhood friends played.  She had made a sign with the words “Beware of the Trolls” and tacked it on the bridge’s sign for imaginative play times where they would pretend to be captured by trolls on their way to the palace of a fairytale queen. 

 

When the family arrived at the forest, they took supplies from the truck.  David had a couple of torches, a blanket and a backpack filled with food, bottles of water, a  map of the forest trails, a compass and a first aid kit.   With no time to lose, they began searching, calling out Henry’s name as they went along, but the only response they got were the odd hoots from the owls hidden away in the trees. Eventually, some hours passed and with no sign of Henry,  they found themselves by the riverside with the troll bridge a ten minute walk down stream.

 

“I’m going to look along the riverside. Mom, Dad, you go check across the bridge.  There’s a wishing well through the trees also leading to the roadside if you keep walking through. He may be around there trying to get home.  Worth a look.” Emma instructed.

 

“Emma, it’s dark, the woods is no place to be on your own at this time of night.” David said, brows furrowed with concern. He was seemingly a reluctant to leave his daughter behind.

 

“I’ll be okay Dad, I got this and you’ll literally be minutes away from me, screaming distance in fact.”  Emma said, trying to reassure her Dad whilst implying he was being just a bit over protective.

 

“David, she’s a grown woman now.  She’s been living on her own, independently in Boston for years, and she’s been a kick-ass bail bondsperson.  I think we can give our daughter some credit here, she can handle herself.” Mary-Margaret interjected, slipping a comforting arm into David’s. His eyes met Mary-Margaret’s and Emma could see an understanding seemingly passing between them as they smiled a little wistfully at each other.

 

“She’s right.  It’s okay. I can do this.  I’ll be okay.” Emma reassured. After some more coaxing from both his daughter and his wife, David nodded.

 

“Sometimes I forget just how grown up, independent and badass you are.”

 

“ _ Dad _ .” Emma groaned. 

 

“Sorry.” David winced unconvincingly, a cheeky smile on his face. “But you’ll always be my little girl no matter how grown up you are. If you need us, call us.  We will find you.” Emma nodded and suddenly she was engulfed by the both of them in one of those brief parental hugs she’s reluctant to admit she often missed.

“We will always find you, Emma.”  Mary-Margaret echoed David’s sentiment and Emma smiled despite her initial reaction to cringe at their corny mantra.

 

“I know Mom.  I know. Let’s find Henry.”  And with that, parents and daughter went their separate ways.

 

The pair headed towards the troll bridge hand in hand, and Emma could hear them talking to each other about how much she has matured and how proud they were of her.  She smiled and shook her head at how predictable they were.

 

With new determination, Emma began making her way along the riverside walking in the opposite direction of the river’s mild flow.  She could still hear her parents’ voices in the distance shouting Henry’s name as it echoed loudly in the surrounding area. The moon was full and the light it provided danced along the murky waters of the river and shone brightly through the trees. Though Emma had a torch in her hand, the moonlight was surely helpful.  She took her time, scanning the area, calling out Henry’s name and waiting with baited breath for a response that may never come.

 

Forty minutes passed by and Emma could no longer hear her parent’s shouts in the distance.   But a few paces away, she noticed something on the ground. It’s surface caught the light of the moon and reflected it towards her. Picking it up, she wiped away the dirt and wet leaves and using the light from her torch, took a closer look.  It was a single key on a keychain with a Disney World fob attached. Emma turned it over, revealing a photograph of a happy little boy in the arms of a beautiful brunette woman, and a handsome slender man standing behind her, arms around her wait and his head resting on her shoulder. 

 

Upon closer inspection she realized that it could be a much younger version of the little boy from the photograph Sheriff Graham had given her.  She took out the photo from her jacket pocket to make the comparison. In the younger photo, Henry was all smiles. It lit up his tiny chubby face, making his eyes sparkle with childlike glee. But in the older photo, his face was a little more drawn down and his smile wooden, just for show. That smile didn’t reach his eyes, eyes that looked haunted and carried such a weight of sadness that Emma could barely look at it without her own heart aching.  The differences were stark but she was pretty sure that the boy was Henry and the key belonged to him. She assumed the beautiful woman in the photo must be his mother, and the handsome man with them was Henry’s father.  _  He may be close by,  _ she thought.  She looked around her with the torch and shouted Henry’s name. There was no answer.

 

“Henry!  She called again.  “Henry Mills! Still no response.  Sighing heavily, Emma carried on walking a little further  until she approached some large rocks by the river. She called out for him again. “Henry!”  The silence apart from the sounds of nature were almost deafening. As she drew closer to the rocks, she noticed that the river’s  current was much stronger. Emma hadn’t realized how dangerous it had become with rapids. She remembered her mom telling her not to go beyond the rocks due to the waterfall as a child   since it could be dangerous for her if she fell into the river. 

 

“Henry Daniel Mills, where are you?” Emma called as the boy’s middle name eventually sprung to mind.

“Help!”  A child’s voice shouted weakly in the distance.  “Over here!”

 

Emma’s heart jolted with relief.

 

“It’s dark kid, I can’t see you!”  Emma shouted in return, turning around with flashlight in hand to locate the source of the voice.  “Tell me where you are!” She shouted earnestly,, eyes desperately sweeping her surroundings. It was difficult to tell as the open space and the echoing sounds of river water made it difficult to hear such a small, hoarse voice.

 

“The rocks... I’m hurt!”  Henry’s pained little voice cried out.  Emma ran straight over to the rocks and a gasp slipped passed her lips upon finding a very scared Henry with his leg trapped beneath a boulder.

 

“Hey kid...” Emma smiled, relief flooding her entire body. “everyone’s been looking for you.”

 

“Who are you?” Henry squinted up at her with uncertainty. “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.”  He said sharply, eyes narrowing in what Emma knew to be all smoke and mirrors - false bravery. She could see the fear displayed starkly across his face.

 

“I’ll introduce myself so we aren’t strangers anymore then, okay?”  Emma said reassuringly. “I’m Emma, Emma Swan. You might know my Mom, Miss Blanchard?  She works at your school.”

 

“Yeah” he replied, a pained expression crossing his features as he bit his lower lip.  “You’re meant to be my new teacher. She told us you were taking over next week and  _ ow _ !  My foot  _ hurts.”  _ Henry wailed, eyes brimming with unshed tears _. “ _ I’m stuck!” Emma used her torch to bathe Henry in light as she quickly assessed the situation.  A sizeable boulder had fallen onto another rock trapping Henry’s jeans clad leg underneath.

 

“Okay, Henry I’m gonna need you to sit tight for me.  I’m gonna see if I can find something nearby to use as leverage to lift the rock off your foot, okay?”  Henry nodded and Emma gave his shoulder a little touch for reassurance. “You’re gonna be okay kid.” She said reassuringly,  taking off her leather jacket and handed it to the freezing boy. “Put this on Henry. My body heat will still be in it. It’ll warm you up.” Henry took the jacket from her and wasted no time putting it on. It was too big for his little body so he wrapped it around like a dressing gown, using his arm to hold it in place.  Once he was settled, Emma set to work searching for something to leverage in order to lift the boulder.

 

Green eyes scanned the surrounding area, noticing some some fallen trees and a charred log a few feet away.  “Guess the lightning took you down big guy, but you can be of use to me.” She said, speaking to the tree as if the wood could respond to her. Within a few minutes, she dragged it back over to Henry and tucked it into a slight gap between the rock on the side closest to her.

 

“Okay kid, I’m gonna try lifting it now.  If it raises enough for you to pull your foot out I want you to tell me and take it out as fast as you can okay?  Use your hands to pull your leg out if you can’t move it. Understood?”

 

“Yeah... I’m ready!”  Henry replied shakily. Emma didn’t know if this would work, she wasn’t sure if her strength alone would be enough but she was going to try.

 

“Okay on the count of three, I’m going to lift.  One, two...” Emma’s voice strained as she pushed on the thick branch, “three!”  She yelled. The strength required to move the boulder had Emma’s body shaking as she pushed her body weight into the log.

 

“It’s working!”  Henry cried, awe evident in his tone. “Keep going Emma!  You’re doing it!” The rock inched little by little away from Henry’s foot as Emma grunted, emptying her lungs of effort and strength in shifting that boulder away.  The kick boxing training that had been shaping her muscles came in handy not just for catching criminals, but for emergencies such as this one.

 

“That’s it!  I’m free!” Henry yelled gleefully and with that confirmation Emma let go of the branch allowing the rock to fall back, crushing the log into shards of timber.  She fell against the rocks exhausted, catching her breath for a moment before carefully climbing back onto the rocks, inching closer to Henry to examine his leg. That’s when she noticed that his ankle was badly bruised and swollen.

 

“Okay Kid, I’m gonna take your shoe off to see the damage.” Emma carefully removed Henry’s shoe and he hissed, wincing as she removed the sock to reveal a very swollen, bruised and bloody foot.  “I’m not gonna lie to you, Henry, your foot may be broken. We gotta get you to a hospital.” Emma took out her cell phone jaw clenching in frustration when she noted that her phone couldn’t pick up a singular bar of reception..

 

“There’s no service in the woods, the trees block any cell signal from getting through,” Henry said, voice wavering with worry.  “How are we gonna get outta here?” Emma was wondering the same thing and slowly, began to form a plan.

 

“I’m gonna climb across these rocks and pull you up by your hands.  It’ll be like you’re swinging on monkey bars, but I’m gonna need you to use your good foot to help with getting you up, otherwise it’ll be much harder and my muscles just took a beating.  You cool with that?” Henry nodded in agreement and Emma climbed onto the rock just above where he was sitting. It was just the right height to pull him up, and as she reached for him, Henry did as instructed and used his good leg for support.  They worked together as a team to get him to the other side onto the ground. Breathless from all the effort, Emma rested for a few minutes before explaining the next part of her plan.

 

“Right I’m going to give you a piggyback and head towards that Troll Bridge all the way down there.” She pointed in the distance.  “My parents are there somewhere looking for you. Once we get to them, getting outta here will be so much easier.”

 

Henry nodded, eyes drooping with exhaustion as he looked at Emma and she knew she couldn’t give up.  The boy was in pain, badly injured and desperately needing medical attention. She knew she had to try keeping him awake. She managed to get him onto her back and started walking.

 

“How did you end up here anyway, kid?  Why didn’t you go home?”

 

Henry didn’t answer immediately. Emma could practically feel him warring with what he should reveal to her as he tucked his clammy forehead against her neck. They walked for a bit and after a few minutes of silence, Henry hesitantly spoke, “My mom makes me go to these therapy appointments and I really just didn’t feel like it today.  Came here instead so I wouldn’t have to go.”

 

“I get it.  Rather have alone time that talk about your life huh? What do you do down here all by yourself anyway?”

 

“I like to sit by the river when I write stories.”

 

“You write stories? What about?”

 

“My dad.. He’s dead.”

“You miss him, huh?”  Henry went quiet and sighed through his nostrils.  Emma felt that maybe he didn’t want to talk about his dad with her.  So she tried to change the subject.

“I grew up here y’know?  I used to play in these woods when I was just a bit older than you.  That sign on the troll bridge, I made that.”

“You did?”

 

“Sure did, I used to play with some of the kids from school and we’d imagine all kinds of fairytale stories and play them out.  We used to call this place, The Enchanted Forest.

 

“That’s what the kids in my class call it too.”

 

“Really?  Guess that got passed down through the generations.”

 

“Maybe.  Hey are those  your parents over there?”  Emma could see Henry’s arm in her peripheral vision move forward and across, his little hand appeared in front of her pointing towards her top left.  It was then she noticed the figures of her parents walking across the Troll Bridge arm in arm.

 

“Mom! Dad! I found him!” She shouted over to them. Emma saw her Mom turn towards her then tap David and pointed in their direction.  Shortly after they both began running towards them.

 

“Emma! Henry!  We’re so glad to see you! What happened?

 

“I got stuck.”  Henry mumbled through a yawn.

 

“Mom, he needs a hospital, I think he may have a broken foot, I’m not sure, but it’s swollen bruised and a little bloody.  He got trapped when a rock the size of a boulder fell on him.” 

 

“Oh you poor thing.” Mary-Margaret gasped sorrowfully, bending at the waist to check on Henry’s damaged foot. “David there’s a first aid kit in the backpack can I have it please?”  David rummaged through the bag for the first aid and handed it to Mary Margaret as Henry once again tucked his face against Emma’s neck. Within a few minutes, she had his foot cleaned and bandaged whilst Henry,  still perched on Emma’s back, had already started falling asleep and becoming heavy.

 

“There, hopefully that will reduce the chances of infection.”

 

“Give him to me Emma I’ll carry him, you look tired.”  David said holding his arms out. Emma leaned into his chest so that Henry could be taken easily without his foot  knocking against them. Once relieved of her precious cargo, Emma stood up, stretching her back and her hips out.

 

“We need to get him back to the car and call Sheriff Graham so he can let Regina know that Henry’s safe.”  Mary Margaret saidt. “Regina will need to know that he’s been found so she isn’t still up worrying.”

 

“The only problem with that,” Emma interjected whilst stretching, “is that Sheriff Graham and everyone searching these woods won’t have phone signal.”  She started walking as her parents fell in at her side. “ I lost mine and Henry said you don’t get any service in the woods. So until they all stop their search and come out of it, we have no way of getting that message to him or to Regina.  I say we go to her straight away, take her to the hospital with Henry. She’ll be in no fit state to drive him there after the emotional ordeal she’s had.”

 

“She’s right Snow, it’s our only option.”  David said as Mary Margaret nodded her agreement.

 

“Snow?” Emma questioned looking skeptically between her parents.

 

“It’s a term of endearment.” David chuckled sheepishly.  “She called me her Prince Charming on Valentine’s Day this year, and she kinda reminds me of Snow White with her dark hair and ‘skin as white as snow’ complexion.” he quoted.  “Just silly names we call each other.”

 

“I have never heard of anything more sickeningly sweet.  You two are gross with the love.” Emma said screwing up her face a little  as she picked up her pace ahead of them. The last thing she wanted to see was a mushy romance story; especially when that slushy romance was her parents. Her eyes briefly fell shut as she heard them whispering again.

 

“David, I think we need to tone down our over affectionate behaviour in front of her. Those wounds in that heart of hers, they seem pretty deep.”

 

“What happened to ‘she’s a grown kick-ass woman’ from a couple of hours ago huh?”

 

“Even grown kick-ass women hurt from time to time.  And she’s still hurting, she hasn’t had a relationship since she left that Killian guy she never let us meet.”

 

“She made that decision to leave and she'll have a relationship if and when someone she likes comes along.  You forget how fussy our daughter is?" Emma turned sharply on her heel to face her parents, thrusting her hands outwards to stop them for a moment. They startled easily at her abrupt reaction, more than likely oblivious that she had heard every word.

 

“Just stop okay?  I can hear what you’re saying.  And really, you don’t have to do anything or stop anything to spare my feelings.”  She reassured, relaxing her stance. “It was my decision Dad, and it wasn’t an easy one for me to make, but that doesn’t mean you have to tread on eggshells for me.  I've been in therapy for years... I'm okay. And Mom,” Emma continued, eyes flickering towards her already teary eyed Mother. “I know you love me and you care about me, but I decide what’s best for me now, and right now, I need to see my parents just as the people they are. Even when they're being gross with the affection. A relationship isn't the be all and end all of a person's happiness. I decide when I'm ready for a relationship when or if I even want one.  Right now I'm really not bothered about having one, okay?" 

 

David and Mary Margaret both nodded at the same time. Emma couldn’t help but smile as even their nods were as one.  

“Okay Emma.” Mary-Margaret said,  voice as soft as silk like a mother comforting her baby.  “We won't mention it again. Emma was instantly calmed by that tone, and reassured that she had been listened to. She turned back and they carried on walking to the truck.


	3. Exhale

Regina didn’t recognise where she was and had no idea how she ended up there.  There were trees all around her, and a large lake glistening in the moonlight.  _ How did I get here?   _ She wondered.Her deep breaths escaped her mouth as a fog in the chilled nightly air.  She was alone in the dark, in a place she had never seen before. There was nothing to indicate whether she was still in Storybrooke or not. 

 

Had she been wandering around on autopilot trying to find Henry, but ended up in a new town entirely?  How long had she been walking around? She brought her arms around her torso, hugging herself in an attempt to warm up.  Her teeth  chattering violently as her eyes swept the surrounding area for anything familiar .   _ Why didn’t I bring a coat? _ She wondered, dazed and confused. __ Then the realisation and panic hit her. _  Henry! Where is my son? _  Her thoughts began spiralling in that moment of a thousand and one grim possibilities.

 

“Henry!”  Regina roared, that overwhelming panic constricting her chest and making her vision swim.  She was beyond terrified. Darkness had already fallen and Henry was somewhere out there, maybe alone, maybe  _ kidnapped _ , maybe being  _ tortured _ , or dead in a ditch somewhere.  “Henry! Where are you?” She cried, tears gathering at the corner of her eyes.  “Come to mama baby boy come on, please?” She begged, raw sobs tearing from her throat as she collapsed on her knees at the edge of the lake.  “Please?” She repeated that word through her cries and sniffles, each time more quiet than the last as she sobbed “please?” Her eyes weakly fluttered open, taking in the sight of  the waters of the lake before her. The ripples distorted her reflection, forming a new image before her teary eyes, one that made her gasp aloud and claw at the water’s edge. Henry was under the water, reaching up for her, bubbles of precious air escaping his mouth as he tried to call for her.

 

“Henry!  Swim! Come on my little prince come to Mama. Come on!  You can do it!” She shouted hoping he would hear her. But his foot caught on some reeds and his eyes went wide as he couldn’t free himself.  Regina put her hand in the water trying to reach out to him but she couldn’t quite manage. The water was freezing extremely fast, turning into thick ice before her eyes as Henry remained trapped below.  Regina kept her arm in the water, frantic in her pursuit to reach further. But just as the water was about to turn to ice with her in it, warm arms encased her body as someone pulled her out.

 

“Noooooooooooooooo!”  She yelled in what felt like slow motion.  She saw her son encapsulated in ice, stuck and unable to move, his eyes still open but frosted, the colour all but drained from them.  She felt the horror on her face as the word she screamed seemed to go on for a lifetime. Her son had drowned and was now frozen solid yet she could barely catch her own breath as if she herself was drowning, struggling and gasping as she finished screaming at the world that made her feel as though she had been defeated.  The pain thundering within her heart shattered her very soul into a million pieces.

 

_ Thump thump, thump thump _ the sound of knocking startled Regina into wakefulness , frantic eyes darting around the room as  her heart raced. The fire in the room had  had burned low a while ago, leaving only glowing embers among the ashes and casting the room itself in shadows.  She r ealized belatedly that she had been dreaming, that what she saw wasn't real. But Henry was still missing and that was very real.

 

_ Thump thump, thump thump _ the knocking resumed, reminding Regina that someone was at the door and getting rather impatient.   _ Henry _ ? she thought with rising hope.  _ Thump thump, thump thump thump, thump thump _ .  Regina composed herself, tidying her messy hair as she opened the door to Sheriff Graham.

 

“Sheriff, where is he?  Have you found my son?” She asked immediately, eyes looking passed Graham and into the darkness of night.

 

“Regina, can I come in for a moment?”  He asked. She stood back and gestured with for him to come in, closing the door behind him.  She prepared herself for the worst news possible, crossing her arms over her stomach, unable to get the mental image of her son frozen under the mysterious icy lake.  Her heart thumped erratically in her chest as she watched Sheriff Graham reach into his inside jacket pocket and produce the key to Regina’s vault.

 

“I’ve searched your vault, Henry wasn’t inside it or near it.”  He offered the key back to Regina. She took  it, disappointment hanging heavy upon her heart as she resumed her defensive self-hug and remained silent but nodded to show that she understood what had been said.   “I sent everyone in the search party to the forest to search for Henry.  They’ve all come back now apart from three. Regina, I’m sorry but at this time we still haven’t found him.”  Regina felt tears welling in her eyes again, so she closed them and nodded. 

 

“Now this doesn’t mean that we won’t find him.” Graham continued. “I have three people left out there who need to check in with me, and now that we have searched Storybrooke, we can branch out to places outside of the town.  Bus depots, train stations, the roadside diners, I won’t give up the search, Madam Mayor.” Regina was unable to say anything. She pressed her clenched hand holding the key to her mouth, index finger firmly on her lips in an attempt to push her emotions down so as not to let her frustration escape from her lips as helpless anger and disappointment burbled tightly in her stomach.  She wanted to  _ tear  _ Sheriff Graham apart, and she could, she was sure of that.   But that wouldn't be right...it wouldn't be  _ fair _ ....plus all of her  energy had fled and she knew it would get her nowhere.  She remained unresponsive, triggering Graham to respond to her silence.

 

“Madam Mayor?  Regina?” Graham inched a little closer with a single footstep, causing Regina to step back and  raise the index finger that was still against her lips as a warning not to come closer. At that very moment a vehicle pulled up outside the house, the noisy engine groaning as the door slammed.  Regina’s eyes flickered to the closed front door as she listened to what was happening outside. She heard Mary-Margaret’s muffled voice accompanied by another that was definitely unrecognizable. .

 

“I didn’t realise Ruby had work in the morning, Emma.  I can’t expect her to look after Neal all this time.” The door slammed again, followed by another.  “Are you sure you’ll be okay to drive them to the hospital? Okay, tell Regina I’m sorry I couldn’t stay.  I’m glad he’s safe.” The engine started and the truck sped away as Regina opened the door to an athletic looking blonde woman, clad in dirt caked jeans,knee high boots and a long sleeved white top, and in her arms, with her red leather jacket around him like a blanket to ward off the cold, she held Regina’s sleeping son, Henry.  Regina gasped, relief flooding her chest and lifting her spirit. She didn’t waste a second as she ran to hold onto her son, never wanting to let him out of her sight. 

 

“Henry!”  She cried openly, tears returning with full force as she borrowed her face against his tiny shoulder, exhaling a sigh of relief after breathing him in.  He was alive, he was home, he was safe and he emotion poured from her.

 

“Careful" Emma warned, "He may have a broken foot; we need to get him to a hospital.”  It didn’t stop Regina from holding him whilst in the stranger’s arms releasing all of her worries, anxiety and pain she had been containing in his absence.  She marvelled at his sleeping face, smiling as she cradled his cheek and he stirred.

 

“Henry.  I’m so relieved you’re okay I’ve been worried sick”  Regina said softly, drained both physically and emotionally as her thumb lovingly stroked her baby boy’s pale cheek.

 

“I’m sorry mom,” Henry said sleepily.

 

“You’re home now, that’s all that matters.”  Regina reassured him, holding back the rest of her joyful tears.He was still  _ alive _ , he was  _ here _ , and in the arms of a stranger.  She lifted her gaze to the woman’s eyes, eyes that held their own joy as she was privy to Regina’s reunion with her son. Regina was too drained to react caustically. Instead, she settled on a somewhat gentle approach. “Who are you?  And what happened to my son?”

 

“He was in the forest by the riverside rocks when a boulder came loose and fell onto his foot.”

 

“Emma helped lift it off my foot, mom.  She saved me.” Henry’s sleepy voice was a relief to hear.  A boulder hand been lifted of her son’s foot, but the weight of the world had been lifted off of Regina’s shoulders. A well of gratitude sprung up within Regina. In reuniting mother and son, neither of the women had heard Sheriff Graham’s approach. 

 

“Why didn’t you call me Emma?”  He asked.

 

“You were going to the vault.  The map said it was in the woods.  I had no signal there, figured you wouldn’t have either.”

 

“What does it matter Sheriff?”  Regina asked rhetorically, “My son is home now.  That’s all that matters to me. This woman brought him home to me.” She turned to address Emma. “and I don’t even know your full name.”

 

“Swan, Emma Swan.”

 

“She’s my new teacher from Monday” piped up Henry’s little voice.

 

“You’re Henry’s new teacher?”

 

“Hi.”  Emma said with an awkward looking smile.  Regina looked at the younger woman, her jaw loosely falling open.  She knew exactly who Emma was.  _ She’s Miss Blanchard’s daughter. _  Miss Blanchard had mentioned in last month’s School newsletter that her daughter would be working at the school as a newly qualified teacher in October.  It had completely slipped her mind, but she wasn’t going to let Emma think that she had forgotten about her arrival.

 

“Well, Miss Swan, I had wondered when you would be gracing us with your presence.  Though I didn’t expect you would make this kind of an entrance to Storybrooke. I would invite you in for a glass of the best apple cider you’ve ever tasted, as a thank you, but right now I need to get my son to the hospital.  I’m sure you have a lot to get on with I presume?” Regina asked as she took Henry from Emma’s arms and into her own. She held him close,  gently cupping the side of his face as she kissed his temple, waiting for Emma to respond. But Emma seemed quite dazed as her eyes once again flickered to her.  “Miss Swan?”

 

“Hmmm? Oh... Yeah, I um, I got a lot to get on with.”

 

“We won’t continue to hold you up.  Thank you... for bringing Henry home to me.”

  
“I’m just glad he’s safe and back where he belongs.”  Emma said softly. Regina gave an awkward smile, confusion furrowing her brows a little, wondering why Emma was looking at her the way she was, and why she was trying to continue a conversation that had naturally come to an end.  She shook it off. She had bigger concerns that needed her attention. She politely excused herself and walked away with Sheriff Graham, who ushered her into his car. The engine started and the car began to move. Regina turned around and her eyes landed on  Miss Swan, who was watching the car drive off. She watched Emma get smaller and smaller  as they traveled further away until she disappeared out of sight.


	4. Treatment Plans

It had been a difficult weekend for Regina.  She’d woken up on Saturday morning uncharacteristically early after a long emotionally draining night, in a chair by Henry’s hospital bed.  Thankfully, the Emergency Room had been fairly quiet upon their arrival. Henry was triaged, examined, had his surface wounds delicately treated within the space of a few hours, and was placed in a room in the paediatric ward.  

 

Regina had been heading towards mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion for quite some time.  Henry’s outbursts of anger and tears at home coupled with his destructive behaviour seemed to happen frequently as time progressed.  Every time he would lose control of his emotions, something within close range would get destroyed; a wall or personal possessions, regardless of whether they belonged to Regina or Henry himself.

While Henry had been growing up, Regina had changed every diaper, soothed every fever, and endured every tantrum. Sometimes with Daniel, sometimes on her own.  Whenever he got sick she looked after him with tender loving care until he was well again. But his process and gradual progression through grief was the hardest times of her parental life.  She wanted to be there for him and comfort him in his hours of need. But she was running on empty, and his anger was often displaced and thrown at her.

 

It was Daniel his anger was aimed  at. Dr Hopper had explained the process of Henry’s grief and the theory of displaced anger within this stage, but even understanding it didn’t help her. Henry needed her as he went through this.  But her own grief was contained within, unable to fully surface, and sooner or later the cracks would begin to show. 

 

Regina had stirred awake after a couple hours of restless sleep due to the small noises the nurses made as they had come in to tend to Henry and check his vitals.  She turned on the television, and the date and time on the menu screen stood out from the rest of the text displayed. 8:15 October 29 th 2016, Daniel’s Memorial Day.  She looked back at her son, wondering if he had realised the date, unsure whether if she should say anything.  He looked so small and fragile in the hospital bed. To Regina, it seemed like just yesterday he had been just 3 years old meeting Mickey Mouse for the first time, grabbing at his nose as Regina held him up to meet his favourite Disney character.  He may not be that small now, but he may as well have been. As the nurses began leaving, the consultant physician knocked on the door with Henry’s files and a large envelope in his hand.

 

“Mrs Mills?”

 

“ _ Ms _ Mills, actually, but Madam Mayor is preferable.”  She replied authoritatively.

 

“Apologies, Madam Mayor, force of habit when addressing parents of patients by name. Could I see you for a moment outside?”

 

Regina turned to Henry and informed him she would be back shortly, pressing a kiss to his forehead before heading out into the corridor and  following the consultant down to the family room. The consultant shut the door behind him and Regina’s stomach knotted uncomfortably. Usually, this room was to tell families devastating news about their loved ones.  She immediately wanted to flee from that little room upon hearing the door close. Although it wasn’t the same room she had been in when she was told that Daniel had passed away, it was a very similar set up. It was hard enough to be there at any time, but not on the anniversary of her husband’s death, not now that she had been made aware of the date after an emotionally draining and stressful night. 

 

“Just give it to me straight, Doctor.”  She said, folding her arms across her chest and preparing herself for whatever he had to say.

 

“Forgive me, allow me introduce myself.  I’m Doctor Whale. I’m the leading consultant paediatrician, and I’ll be working closely with the surgical team.”  He held out his hand for Regina to shake. His youthful appearance and bleach blonde surfer hair made her wonder just how experienced and professional this man was in his job.  She looked down at his hand hesitantly, and after a brief moment realized that she was being ridiculously judgemental and released an arm to receive his hand. 

 

“Hello Doctor” she greeted, shaking his hand firmly.  In some way she felt like being firm and assertive with the clinical lead of Henry’s care team would get her son the best outcome.  “And thank you for the care you and the rest of the staff are taking with my son.”

 

“Well we hope he makes a full recovery and we’ll do our best to get him there.  I just wanted to explain a few things to you, and I thought I’d bring you in here so as not to cause Henry any concern and for confidentiality purposes.” 

 

“Please get on with it!”  Regina snapped, “I’ve had enough stress and barely any sleep so just tell me what you’re going to do for my son so you can get on with it!” 

 

The Doctor’s eyes widened comically and he paused for a moment as if Regina’s words had knocked him back a bit.Composing himself, he took an x-ray of Henry’s out of the large envelope in his hands and held it towards the light of the window. 

 

“As you can see from the x-ray this is a lot of tissue damage and swelling so we will take great care when operating so as not to cause more damage to those tissues.”  He pointed to the broken area of Henry’s foot as Regina shifted forward. “As you can see, his bones have broken and split so they have moved apart from each other.” Regina covered her mouth at the sight of the break and the realisation that it was not a simple fracture.

 

“So what can be done to fix his foot?  He won’t lose it will he?”

 

“Oh no, he shouldn’t lose it, it’ll heal but it’s going to take a long time and a lot of monitoring here.  Henry has broken three of his metatarsals and the cuboid bone.” Dr Whale explained while t indicating around the damaged area.  “It’s quite typical of a compression injury. The goal of this surgery will be to restore the anatomy of the cuboid, and as a result that restoration will restore the length of the outside of the foot.  We’ll be using a titanium plate and screws to do this. He will not be able to walk during this time and will require a wheelchair with an elevated foot rest in order to get around.” 

 

Regina was surprised at the extent of the damage.  Her mind raced with how she was going to manage meeting Henry’s extra needs whilst being on her own at home, holding down her job and dealing with the daily issues that cropped up.  Henry wouldn’t be able to attend the therapy sessions as his therapist’s office was up a couple flights of stairs with no elevator, so she would have to make alternative arrangements.

 

“How long will he be pinned for and does he need to remain off school?”  Regina finally asked.

 

“It all depends on the speed that his body will recover.  It can take up to six months maybe longer for him to have the screws removed and for him to gradually return to using it fully.   It’s also highly likely he will need physiotherapy in this process too. He may not be able to return for some time.”

“Trust my son to break himself on such an epic scale.  He doesn’t do things by halves. I trust that the surgeon is well rehearsed in this procedure?”

 

“She is yes, she’s done this many times in her career and I have to say she’s a perfectionist.  She’ll do the best job possible on Henry’s foot. He’ll be in safe hands. We just need you to sign the paperwork and he’ll be heading to the surgery shortly afterwards.”  Removing a pen from his scrubs chest pocket, he handed it to Regina along with the paperwork she needed to sign.

 

“And when should he be able to come home after this procedure?”

 

“I think it’s best we aim for him to be home within one week.  He will have a cast and pins so he will need to be very careful, but he can spend most of his re-cooperation at home providing that someone can take care of him if you’re continuing with your work Madam Mayor”

 

“Yes I can arrange for someone to come in to care for Henry while  I’m working. I’m putting faith in your staff Doctor Whale,” She asserted, pointing the pen towards Whale’s face as she gave him  her best death stare. “It wouldn’t be wise to let my son and I down. Am I making myself clear?”

 

“Perfectly Madam Mayor.  I assure you Henry is in safe hands with us.”

 

“He better be.  I don’t care what these papers say,” she said as she held them up to the side of her face, closing the slight distance between them, as the register of her voice dropped.  “If anything bad happens to my son that could have been prevented, your life won’t be worth living, as you won’t have a job in this town, or any other to afford to live it.” 

 

Upon seeing the healthy dose of fear flickering within the good doctor’s eyes as he gulped and nodded in understanding, Regina felt she had made her point well enough.  She softened her face and turned to a nearby table to lean on as she quickly signed all the places she needed to then stood straight again and handed them back to Doctor Whale.  She wasn’t entirely sure, but she could have sworn that she had seen his eyes flicker hastily away from her ass.  _ I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt for now Whale, because you’re responsible for fixing up my son, but I swear if you do anything like that again, I’ll remove those baby blues from your head! _

 

Regina got the impression that he knew what she was thinking as an awkward silence fell between them for a moment.  Doctor Whale appeared unsure of how to react to Regina’s behaviour. He checked over the paperwork occasionally glancing back at her, almost like he didn’t trust her not to end his life on the spot.

 

“Everything is in order,” he said, slipping in the x-ray documents with the paperwork.  “We should be ready within the hour. You’re welcome to stay whilst the operation is being performed, but you may want to ensure that you’re prepared at home for Henry returning in a wheelchair.  We’ll keep him in a few nights anyway, just to make sure the pins are secure and settled, and that we can manage his pain with medication. Once his pain is stable and being managed orally, he can go home.”  Regina nodded, and the doctor saw her out of the room as they both headed to Henry to explain what would be happening. 

 

Henry had never had an operation before, and Regina took great care in explaining to him what was going to happen so that he wasn’t shocked upon waking from the anaesthetic, whilst the doctor showed Henry the x-rays upon his request.  She stayed with him right up until the anaesthetic kicked in, giving him kisses and cuddles he allowed easily as she reminded him that she loved him more than anything and anyone in the world, and then watched him disappear through those double doors.  After that, Regina didn’t know what to do with herself. She fidgeted uncomfortably, helplessly staring at the double doors until she brought herself back from the precipice of despair. She wouldn’t give in to that. She needed a practical approach to dealing with Henry’s needs. But first, she needed to inform the school of Henry’s situation.  

 

_ Time to pay Miss Blanchard a little visit. _ _ _


	5. Fire and Ice - Confrontation and Resolve

Emma’s Saturday morning alarm was the sound of her baby brother crying.  She could hear her mother tending to Neal, singing calming lullabies to him.  Her back was sore as the couch she had slept on wasn’t exactly the most comfortable.  She tried to reposition herself, but every time she moved her body hurt. Moving that boulder, pulling Henry over the rocks onto ground level, then carrying him on her back and then later to Regina’s door had taken its toll on her muscular body.  She was used to working out and lifting weights, but little boys are perfect circle discs on the ends of a barbell. Children are awkward shapes to carry and have their own independent movements. They can knock you off your balance with just a simple sneeze.

 

The large cream coloured clock on the brick exposed feature wall indicated that it was eight fifteen in the morning; far too early to be awake after a long exhausting night.  Her mind was also tired, but in her dazed half state of consciousness, she couldn’t help replaying the memory of meeting Henry, and the feeling that had struck her at his familiar green eyes. Then there was his mother; Storybrooke’s first female Mayor, Regina.   _How could a woman be_ **_that_ ** _beautiful?_  Emma felt like a street rat just standing next to her.  Even Regina’s runny mascara ‘panda eyes’ looked beautiful.  She carried herself with such a feminine and dainty poise and  yet she dressed not just to impress, but to assert authority. And the woman could run in heels! At least from the front door to half way down her garden path which was impressive in its own right.

       

“Emma?  Are you awake?”  Mary Margaret whispered from just behind her.  Startled, Emma blinked sluggishly in her mother’s direction, reigning in her thoughts of  the events from last night that had her unaware her mom entered the living room.

       

“Yeah mom,” she replied through a yawn, “I’m awake.”

       

“Everything okay?  I heard you moaning a little in your sleep last night when I was feeding Neal.”

       

“Moaning?  Emma questioned, concern making her bros furrow.  “I don’t know. My whole body aches today. Feels like I’ve been hit by a pick-up truck.  Then whoever was driving it, reversed over me then drove straight over me again. But that’s what I get for saving a kid I guess.  I’m forever a saviour, just swooping in and saving people from themselves. Just wish someone would come and save me sometimes.” Mary Margaret walked around to the other side of the sofa, and took the seat closest to Emma, Neal cradled in her arms as she patted his back.

       

“Do you know how many times your father and I wanted to rescue you over the years, but didn’t?”

       

“Why didn’t you mom?  Why didn’t you rescue me from Killian when I called that night all those years ago?  Why didn’t you save me then?”

       

“You were still trying to work things out with him at the time. You wouldn’t have listened.”  Emma screwed up her face and crossed her aching arms, defensively pouting at her mother. She knew deep down that her mom was right.  “You had to see the relationship without the rose tinted glasses on and admit there was a problem. You needed to be ready to love yourself enough to leave and you just weren’t ready.  You know you weren’t.”

 

Emma’s expression dropped as the guilt of what she had done to Killian before she left him ate  away at her. That feeling was not unusual. It had been almost ten years since she last saw him.  She had managed to avoid him by running off to New York, the last place Killian would ever think of looking for her as she said she hated the place after their trip there.

 

Part of her wanted to assuage her guilt by confessing to her mom what had happened, to tell her that all this time she hadn’t really been living in Boston.  That she had to move to New York and why she had been so desperate to get back home. Facing Mr. Gold after all this time, as a fully grown woman, seemed less daunting than seeing the man who had her at her breaking point.

 

The other part of Emma wanted to keep that part of her recent history under wraps.  She didn’t have to feel guilty after what he put her through, but her actions caused harm to the man she thought she used to love.  Her feelings were conflicting and confusing just a week after the event. _Stop thinking about him Emma_ she would tell herself.   _It was an accident, what happened was a result of his own actions.  This is not your guilt to own;_ Words from her therapist during the years of therapy after her first love’s tragic car accident she repeated in her mind as her mantra; _It was an accident, what happened was a result of his own actions.  This is not your guilt to own._

 

The thing with guilt is that it likes deception.  Guilt brings the past into the present to justify its own existence.  The guilt she carried regarding what had happened between her and Killian had awoken the guilt she had put to rest some time ago; Neal, her first love; her baby brother’s namesake.

 

As Emma reflected and questioned the reasons she had been holding on to such toxicity in Killian, the fond memories of Neal made their way to the forefront of her mind.  She recalled sitting with him in the ‘Enchanted Forest’ on a boulder they painted as the huge mushroom that the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland was perched on in the movie.  Their friends had all gone home for dinner, but Neal had wanted a private conversation with Emma.

 

* * *

 

 

Neal began to open up to Emma.  He confided in her, explaining that growing up witnessing his parent’s marriage descend into darkness made him fearful of love.  He saw the control his father placed upon his mother, the manipulation, the lies, the rage outbursts. He didn’t want to become the repugnant, twisted man his father had become.  But he knew that without giving love a chance, there was a possibility that he could become a bitter, resentful shadow of his father. He told Emma there was someone who was already in his heart, and that she had no idea of the light she had brought into it.He was utterly terrified, but he had to tell her that despite being afraid, if it was her hand he could hold, her side he could walk next to and  be with, then it was worth the risk as he didn’t think he could ever hurt her.

 

It was the first time Emma heard the words ‘I love you’ from someone other than her parents.  And it was something she wasn’t expecting from Neal. She recalled being stunned at the time. She hadn’t thought of Neal in that way before.  She wasn’t sure if she wanted to back away, or allow her curiosity to get the better of her. He had been sitting with his hands loosely on his lap, seemingly focused on his knees during his confession.  Perhaps he felt like he was kneeling on them asking for some sort of mercy from feeling imprisoned by his fear. Emma decided to place her hand in his. Of all the people she knew, she trusted Neal the most and she thought that maybe her feelings could grow for him.  Maybe something would blossom.

 

Neal’s attention slowly turned returned to her as his hazel eyes met hers.  His face resembled that of a confused puppy, and Emma smiled at how adorable he looked.  He seemed surprised, like he anticipated a different response from her. She heard her own voice from the past echoing in her mind, reliving that very moment. _Let’s just take this one day at a time, no pressure, no labels, see how it feels before we decide if this is the right thing for us... Okay?_

 

* * *

 

 

“Emma?” Mary Margaret asked as she leaned over to gently touch her daughter’s arm.  Emma was immediately brought back to the real world as her mother touch grounded her, chasing away the ghosts of her past.

 

“Hmmmm?  Oh sorry mom.” She said sheepishly.

 

Mary Margaret’s brows furrowed, eyes scanning her daughter as she gently cupped her cheek. “Where did you go to just now?

 

The concern in her mother’s voice gave Emma the opportunity to come clean about Killian, but she couldn’t find the words.  She couldn’t go there without knowing exactly which words. _I know what my daughter is capable of_ .  Her mother’s words replayed in her mind.  Her conscience replied, _You really have no idea what I’m capable of.   I don’t want to be a disappointment to you. I don’t want you to be afraid of me._

       

“Oh um... I don’t know why but I was thinking about Neal... _my_ Neal.”  Emma watched her mother’s facial expression relax a little as she pressed her lips together for a moment, sombre and thoughtful.

       

“Do you want to talk about it?”

       

“No no it’s okay.  It was a bittersweet memory.  Fourteen year old me just wanted to visit fifteen year old him for a moment.  He was such a good guy. He didn’t deserve what fate gave him. And I know I’m not at fault..."

       

“That’s right Emma.  You didn’t make his choices. He made those on his own.  He decided to steal that car and try leaving the town.”

 

Emma’s stomach  knotted again. She had forgotten for a moment that her mother was completely unaware of why Neal ended up crashing the car.  Emma wanted to tell her mother that despite knowing she was not at fault for the choices Neal had made, there was still a part of her that held onto the “if only” questions.  But she couldn’t after her mother cut her off like that.

 

 _If you hadn’t been so stupid, ma boy would still be alive,_ Mr. Gold’s words echoed like ghostly whispers in the back of her mind that was suddenly interrupted by a gentle knock at the door.  Mary Margaret squeezed her daughter’s forearm, Emma knew that was her way of saying that she was there for her, but this conversation needed to be placed on hold.  She rose from her seat carefully, baby Neal making a little fuss during her movement’s as she got to the door. Little impatient knocks started up again as Mary Margaret cracked the door open a bit.  Emma noticed Regina’s fist almost collide with her mother’s face, but luckily she swerved to avoid the collision that could’ve followed.

       

“Ohh!"  She cried, darting back, startled at the fist flying near her face.  "Regina... Sorry, I...”

       

“Sorry for what exactly?” Regina interrupted sharply.  “For not ensuring my son was safely escorted onto the bus home?” She took an imposing step forward that Mary Margaret mirrored with a step backward.  “I would like to know why my son’s safety was neglected.”

 

“Well, I...” Mary Margaret stammered, at a loss for words at the misdirected anger burning brightly within Regina’s eyes.

 

“You were responsible for him, were you not?  And now he’s in the hospital currently in surgery having some of the bones in his foot reset and pinned with screws!”  Regina interrupted with another step forward, “You assured me that you could manage this new position despite having a new baby.  But you dropped the ball Miss Blanchard and as a result I’m not only dissatisfied as a parent, I’m dissatisfied as the Mayor of this town...”  Emma couldn’t stand hearing any more. She rose to her feet with immediate force, wincing at the aches and pains searing through her body as she headed to the door, yanking it fully open.

 

“With all due respect Madam Mayor,” She said infuriated, forgetting she was still in her retro _Frankie says relax_ t-shirt and red panties.  “You’re angry and speaking to my mom like she’s an idiot.”

 

Regina’s intimidating dark eyes settled on Emma, a sneer curling at the edge of her lips that could scare the faint hearted. “Well of course I’m talking to her in fluent idiot, how else would she possibly understand me when she couldn’t execute the simple task of seeing my son onto the bus?”  

 

Emma’s jaw clenched, hands balling into a fists at Regina’s callous comment.  But she took a deep breath through her nostrils, and as her mother drew a breath to say something placating, Emma put her hand up and instructed her  to stop before she addressed the agitated Mayor.

 

“Look, I get it.  Your son is hurt, you’re upset, but it was _his_ decision not to go home. My mom has no control over what he does while on that bus, or when or where he gets off it.  But right now, you _do_ have a choice to not flip your shit and actually _listen_ to what she has to say y’know?  Like a grown ass woman who knows that talking like this to someone won’t change a damn thing.  It’s in the past, we can’t go back and change it, so it’s up to you Madam Mayor. Are you going to focus on blame?  Or are you gonna focus on a solution and get back to your kid who needs you.”

 

Regina pursed her lips, nostrils flaring as she forced air through them.  The glare she’d been giving Emma had softened a fraction during Emma’s little rant as she turned away for a moment to collect herself.  Emma felt a sense of victory as the disgruntled mayor breathed out heavily and scrubbed a weary hand across her face. .

       

“You’re right.”  Regina admittedly quietly as she turned to face them once more. “It happened.  It shouldn’t have but it did.” She turned to Mary Margaret and in a calmer tone she had clearly never used with Emma’s mother before, she begrudgingly addressed the issue.  “Miss Blanchard, I apologise for my outburst at your front door,” Regina started through loosely gritted teeth, which eventually loosened completely. “I expect a full report on my desk by Monday Morning explaining what happened to my son and what new procedures you plan on implementing in the future to ensure that a situation of this magnitude _never_ happens again.”

 

Emma glanced at her mother, who was holding Neal like a shield, tongue in cheek as she fished for an appropriate reply..

       

“Of course, Madam Mayor.  It’ll be on your desk Monday morning.  Should you wish to discuss the report with a meeting at a mutually convenient time, I’ll be _happy_ to attend.”  Emma’s face almost contorted  at her mother’s emphasis on the word happy with a tone that suggested the exact opposite, but stopped upon seeing her backing away with her now crying baby boy.  Emma watched as she headed towards the bedroom the door lightly slammed, wincing at the noise even though she anticipated it happening.

 

“Miss Swan, despite my frustration today, I am grateful to you for rescuing my son.”  Regina finally addressed her directly, the note of anger noticeably absent from her voice now that Emma’s mother wasn’t around. Emma turned to face her, still  unimpressed with what had just transpired. “I hadn’t intended to start a fight in coming here, and I am genuinely sorry for allowing the sight of your mother to ignite some unresolved anger.”

 

Emma’s eyes caught hold of  Regina’s and the layers of pain and sadness hidden within them distracted her. It’s something that she could relate to, something she had seen many a time while gazing at her own reflection.   _Maybe she’s  actually more like me on the inside_.

       

“Apology accepted.”  Despite her own words, Emma’s tone sounding less than forgiving.  She winced, about to add to that sentence to soften what she had said, but Regina beat her to it.

 

“You know... I’m not the evil bitch you might think I am.  Despite what anyone in this town might think, I only want to ensure the safety of my son and the other children in this town. And for Henry to make a speedy recovery.”  Calmer and much more composed, Regina’s lips tilted up into a slightly awkward broken smile. It was melancholy around the edges but still so beautiful the way it softened her features. “I was wrong and I can admit that.” She continued. “Good day Miss Swan.”  And with that, she turned and made her way to the stairwell, her heels echoing along the corridors of the apartment building.

  
Emma just stood in the doorway dazed for a moment, not acknowledging that she wasn’t fully dressed as she tried to process what had just happened.  The sensation filling her was strange, almost magnetic like pull, urging her to run after Regina and make sure that she was okay. In a split second she grabbed her coat from the rack and stepped across the threshold about to run after her, but found her feet stopping her from moving further.   _Don’t go rescue her feelings Emma, you do that all the time with people which is why you ended up in this mental mess.  Whatever her problem is, it isn’t your responsibility to fix, step back._  She wanted to argue with her conscience and follow her heart, but her heart was not quite ready to be trusted again yet.  Sighing heavily, she stepped back inside, hung her coat back in place and shut the door.


	6. The Woman Behind the Mask

As far as Emma knew, the drama had calmed down in Storybrooke over the weekend.  She hardly went into the town, making many preparations in order for her first day at work which finally arrived on Monday.  Her alarm sounded promptly at 7:15am and Emma groaned.

 

 _This waking up early shit should be illegal!_  She thought groggily as she reluctantly dragged herself from her comfortable bed. Having had a bath the night before, she shuffled over to the bathroom with a yawn and began getting ready.  While staring into the mirror as she brushed her teeth, Emma noticed that the apartment was eerily silent. The mirror on the wall reflected her confusion back to her, and shortly afterwards her face relaxed.   _They would have taken Neal to day care before going off to work._  She resumed her morning routine  and once finished, headed to the kitchen for breakfast where she was greeted with a folded note on the work surface.

       

 

_Emma,_

_I’m sorry we’re not home when  you wake up. We had to take Neal to day care and because I needed to get that report to Regina this morning we left a little earlier than usual.  Please feel free to help yourself to breakfast. There are cereals in the cupboard above the toaster (which I broke this morning... ooops... so sorry, no toast).  I’ll see you shortly no doubt, just come straight to my office. Have a wonderful first day my darling girl!_

_Love Mom, and Neal._

 

_PS. We got your favourite cereal for you! xoxoxo_

 

 

 

Emma smiled at the note and opened the cereal cupboard.  “Fruit Loops, the true love of my life!” She said aloud.  She poured the multi coloured cereal into a bowl, followed by some cold milk from the fridge and sat at the table. _Mmmmm so good!_  She thought.  Just as she was finishing her breakfast she felt her back pocket vibrate.  She grabbed her phone as her ringtone “ _Good good good good vibrations”_ blared g loudly, shaking the phone in her hand.  She had chosen that well known Beach Boys ringtone because she found  the dorky irony amusing.

 

“Hey mom, what’s up?” Emma spoke into the device.

 

“Emma!” her mother’s voice chirped on the other line.  “Have you left the house yet?”

 

Emma’s brows furrowed at the clear note of panic in her tone. “Not yet, why?”

 

“Oh thank goodness I totally forgot to pick up the report.  I got to the Mayor’s office and it wasn’t in my bag. So change of plan. Can you deliver it for me? We’ll introduce you to your class this afternoon.  That way you have a few hours to get used to the school building and your first day won’t be as overwhelming either.”

       

“Ahh sure, okay.  Where’s the report?”

       

“It’ll be on the coffee table in the living room.”  Emma got up and headed to the living room, finding the report in a sealed envelope addressed to _‘Madam Mayor Regina Mills.’_  “You remember where the mayor’s office is right?”

       

“Yeah, I remember.  I’ll take it over now.”

       

“Thank you, you’re a lifesaver!”  Mary Margaret said as she abruptly ended the call.  

 

Emma hurriedly slipped on her boots and leather jacket, picked up the envelope and headed out the door.

 

As she drove her yellow bug towards the Mayor’s office, Emma got  to know streets of Storybrooke all over again. She made mental notes of where new stores were that had replaced old ones.  One shop hadn’t been replaced that Emma was secretly hoping to be gone, or at the very least taken over; Mr. Gold’s Pawn Shop.  

 

On approaching the store, she noticed Gold getting out of a car parked outside.  She made a quick decision to look in the opposite direction so he didn’t catch sight of her as she made an opportunistic left turn in the road to the side of the building,speeding along the road until the store was out of sight.  Emma sighed in relief. She knew one day she would have to face him, but at least today wasn’t that day.

 

It wasn’t too long before she found Storybrooke’s Town Hall where Madam Mayor’s office was, and just as Emma pulled up outside, Regina pulled up right behind her.

 

“Miss Swan,” Regina greeted as she got out of her car.  She was a little surprised to see Emma outside her office building so early on a Monday morning.  “I didn’t recognise you with all your clothes on,” she added,walking towards Emma with a smirk tugging at her ips.

 

“What?!”  Emma’s eyes went wide at the comment.

 

“Well the last time I saw you, you were wearing nothing but a t-shirt and red panties.”  Regina explained with a pointed raise of her eyebrows. Emma’s face went a shade of red on hearing Regina’s explanation as she desperately tried to keep a calm exterior.   _Great Swan, just great!  The Mayor of Storybrooke... the hot Madam Mayor of Storybrooke, has seen you in your red panties and a t-shirt.  Please ground, open up and swallow me whole!_  

 

“Not my finest fashion moment.”  Emma said, trying to cover her embarrassment with a charming smile as she sought to regain some of her dignity.  She immediately thought back to when she had grabbed her jacket and was going to run after the Mayor to see if she was okay.   _Oh God Emma where was your head at?  You were going to follow her out in your panties?!  Jesus!_

 

“Hmm, that could be debatable.” Regina quipped.  “To what do I owe this _fully clothed_ visit?”

 

“Umm... I... uh...”  Emma’s words came out in a jumbled mess under Regina’s dark gaze but Regina’s words seemed to render her incapable.  What did she mean by **_that_ **?  

 

Seeing her struggle, the confident assertive Madam Mayor seemed to decide to cut her a little slack and help her out a bit.

 

“Would that envelope in your hands clearly  addressed to me be the reason you’re here this morning?”  She said pointing to the envelope as she spoke.

 

“Yeahhhhhh...”  Emma said, seemingly now remembering the reason for her visit and awkwardly holding it out to Regina.  “My mom sent me here with it. It’s the report you requested. Hey, um,how’s the kid doing?”

 

“Well,” Regina started, taking the package from Emma. .  “He came out of surgery yesterday. It went well. He’s just being kept for a little while to ensure everything is okay with the pins and that his pain is under control with the right dosage of medicine.  Hopefully he’ll be out of the hospital soon, though he’ll be attending school in a wheelchair until further notice.”

 

“Ah man, poor little guy that’s pretty rough.”

 

“Mmm hmm that’s Henry at the moment.  He’s going through a rough time. Anyway, I had hoped that your mother would have had the decency to bring this herself in case I had any questions...”

 

“Oh, well, she uh, she figured you may want some time to reflect and maybe make notes for any questions you may have and then arrange a meeting afterwards.”  Emma said trying to save her mom from another run in with the hot headed mother that Regina had proved herself to be.

 

Regina’s eyes narrowed. With her tongue in her cheek and  mouth slightly parted she was the very image of skeptical..  Emma remained stone faced hoping Regina would buy the white lie she just told.

 

“Uh huh.”  The Mayor hummed, unconvinced,  and Emma knew she had to embellish a little more to make  believable. “She forgot to put it in her bag when she left this morning... didn’t she?”  Emma pressed her lips together as if she was trying to keep the truth from falling out of her mouth.  “You’re a terrible liar, Miss Swan.” Regina said through an amused chuckle. “I guess you’ll have to take her place.  Follow me.”

 

Once inside, Emma followed Regina through a corridor of marble floors leading to a large white door.  She watched Regina remove a small key from her suit jacket pocket,unlock the door and switch on the lights as she walked in.  Emma took a few cautious steps inside, but remained close to the doorway as Regina set her things down on her desk.

 

Emma had never seen the Mayor’s office before.  It was a large, spacious room of spectacular opulence.  The black, white and grey marble floor looked freshly buffed and practically screamed luxury.  The patterned wallpaper had been placed with precision, white with grey tree branches stretching from ceiling to floor appearing seamless.  Regina’s white marble desk with an almost clinical looking black leather swivel chair faced the door and grey and black damask curtains framed a rather large window behind it completing the look.

 

“Welcome to my office,” Regina said as she turned to Emma.  “Come in dear, no need to stand on ceremony.” Emma wandered into the room slowly turning around as she went and trying to take it all in.  She noticed the ceilings were high and held extravagant black chandeliers. _Bet it’s a nightmare to change the light bulbs in here,_ she thought as she found herself near Regina’s desk.  Emma could see just how organised she was. A large silver box that reminded her of a pirates treasure chest sat in one corner, the edges of it in perfect alignment with the edges of the table.  She wondered what was inside, but wasn’t bold enough to open it.

 

As Emma lightly stroked the smooth cold marble once with her fingertips, she noticed a white desk lamp sitting in the other corner, also aligned with precision.  There were three pens in the middle top portion of the table arranged in size order and next to them sat a large glass bowl of candies, all the wrappers indicating they were red delicious apple flavoured.  This desk arrangement and the general atmosphere of the room screamed that organisation was important, as was order and neatness.

 

“What do you think?” Regina asked, startling Emma out of her thoughts on  the Mayor’s organization. Like the room, she wondered if people in Regina’s life had their designated place too.  Her .

 

“It’s very…”  Emma’s attention left the desk as she continued to scan the lavish surroundings. “..you.” She settled on as  Regina headed towards the large grey marble top table situated in the corner and adjusted one of the eight grey and black damask chairs so that it too was tucked in like the others.

 

“It should be, I designed it myself,” Regina said proudly as clicking heels returned her to the middle of the room..  Emma’s eyes were drawn to the white marble fireplace on her left as Regina headed towards it. “I keep this room locked because I like to keep my work life and my life with Henry as separate as possible.”  Regina picked up a silver picture frame that sat on the mantelpiece and smiled as she looked at the photograph it held. “But as you can see I do like to keep a part of him in here,” she said as she turned the photo towards Emma.  It was a beautiful photograph of Regina, holding what looks like a two year old Henry.

 

“He’s always been a cute kid huh?” Emma smiled at the image and Regina nodded.

 

“From the moment I met him for the first time and held him in my arms.” Regina said, placing the frame back into its position as Emma’s eyes continued sweeping around the room.  Opposite the fireplace, a few feet away, were two grey leather sofas surrounding a large glass coffee table with chrome legs. The sofas were not the sort one would find inviting to relax in, and definitely not the sort you could sink into.  Emma imagined Regina used this space for informal business meetings, then realised there had been a long silence between them.

 

Even the traffic outside could not penetrate the room to make the silence feel less heavy.  Not only was Emma in such a well kept and luxurious office, the sort where a girl in jeans and tank top would probably be removed from, the oppressive silence was beginning to make her feel even more out of place.

 

“Would you care to sit down, Miss Swan?” Regina asked, gesturing towards the sofas.  Emma nodded, relieved to have something to do as she sat with caution in the middle of the sofa facing the fireplace.  The leather creaked loudly through the deafening silence and Emma instead of squirming under Regina’s calculating gaze, Emma continued nervously scanning the room.  “You seem a little tense dear,” Regina said, squinting her eyes for a moment as she spoke.

 

“This room is so ordered and very extravagant.”  Emma said, fishing for something positive to say instead of drawing more attention to  her rigid body. “I notice that there’s a lot of black in your decor.”

 

“Yes, I do love black,” Regina said as she gave  the room a scan of her own. “I guess it’s my signature colour... and white always compliments it.”  She brought her focus back to Emma, who smiled tightly at her. “And it is very tidy in here, as you say.”   _No kidding,_ Emma thought to herself.

 

“Being a mother of a ten year old boy, my home can become rather... disorganised at times.  Henry leaves his shoes lying around, clothes on his bedroom floor, school work spread all across the dining table... but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”  She smiled as she spoke, giving Emma the impression Henry and Regina were like chalk and cheese but in spite of that, she really did love him. “I do push for order, but some days, Henry can be challenging and thankfully I have a wonderful cleaning lady. Ella. She keeps on top of things here for me.  Although this room is a place of business, it’s also my sanctuary to get away from the chaos of parenting.”

 

Emma nodded as Regina spoke.  It was no big surprise to her that a woman of her caliber, dressed in a sensible pant suit with expensive taste and a busy work schedule liked to live her life with order.  As Regina’s eyes returned to her, scanning her from head to toe, Emma suddenly felt as if she were being judged.

 

“You know Miss Swan, you can relax in here.  I’m not about to read you the riot act.” Regina said, offering a reassuring smile.  Emma let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding.

 

“I’m so glad you said that! Not that I thought that you would do that, it’s just...well I was kinda scared to sit down in case I wrinkled your sofa or something,” Emma said in a bit of a rushed breath, letting out a small self conscious laugh.

 

“No need to worry dear,” Regina smiled, “As the saviour of the year, rescuing my son the way you did, you’re welcome here.”  Reassured, Emma felt her tensed muscles begin to unwind. “Now, let’s have a look over this report. If it’s pretty straight forward I’ll sign it off as read, I’ll expect the changes with the end of day protocol to be made with immediate effect.  If I have questions, perhaps you could answer them on your mother’s behalf. If you can’t then I’ll arrange a meeting with her. Deal?” Emma nodded in agreement, and Regina began to read the report.

 

The report wasn’t entirely what Regina had expected.  It stated that Henry had been in a low mood the entire day and refused to participate in group work.  Despite attempts at encouraging him to work with a small group of children, Henry had become aggressive and disrupted the class, screaming at Miss Blanchard.  She had made a quotation of something that Henry had said. _“I’m not doing this fucking stupid work, fuck off!”_  She continue to read about how Henry had proceeded to flip the table in anger, and Jasmine, the teaching assistant, had escorted him outside the classroom and taken him to the reflection room.  Regina had been made aware on the first instance of Henry using this room, that it was a quiet safe space for children with behavioural problems to calm down during an episode. This particular incident was not Henry’s first visit.

       

“Miss Swan, did your mother discuss this report and the events leading up to Henry’s behaviour that day with you?”  Regina asked,eyes still focused on the papers in front of her as she turned to the next page to scanning it through.

       

“She did run it by me late last night.  Since I’ll be Henry’s new teacher she felt it best to inform me.  When I first got to town she assured me that Henry wasn’t usually disruptive...”

        

“That’s right. He isn’t!”

 

The sharp interruption made  Emma’s eyes briefly widen with surprise as she finally caught on to the raging intensity burning within Regina’s eyes. It’s a reaction that caught Emma off guard,  immediately making her feel slightly awkward. She realised she wasn’t being as understanding or diplomatic as she could be. She was going to say that maybe her mom had rose tinted glasses on in class due to Henry apparently visiting the reflection room frequently.  However she was glad she didn’t get that far considering Regina’s defensiveness.

 

“I’m sorry to be blunt Miss Swan.  It’s just, usually at school, at least at this point in Henry’s life, he’s usually withdrawn, _not_ aggressive.  He only gets aggressive when he has to talk about family, which is understandable I’m sure you’ll agree.  So my question, is why was my son reacting this way to a teacher?”

 

“The task that had been set, which is part of the curriculum requirements, was to create a family tree with the people you already know in your family, and for extra credit, to ask older relatives, such as grandparents, for any information that they had about the family tree so they could see their lineage.

 

“Well that may be a little difficult.  Although Henry has my extended family in New York, Daniel’s family members had passed before he did and he was an only child.  If Henry were to check the official documents, he may discover that he is an adopted child.”  Emma’s eyes widen briefly in surprise unsure of how to respond to that statement. “You look surprised to hear that Miss Swan.”

 

“I guess I am a little surprised.  I just figured that Henry must take after his father more than his mother.  I had no idea that he was adopted. If you could find his biological father, would you try to seek contact?”

 

“It was a closed adoption, I know nothing of his biological parents, and neither does he.  I think it best for now that it stays that way, for Henry’s sake. I don’t want him to feel like his birth parents didn’t want him whilst he’s grieving his father.  He’s been through too much already. If I could find his biological father, I don’t think I would try to introduce him into Henry’s life. He’d be a total stranger to Henry.  Right now, Henry is already feeling some level of abandonment amidst his grief. Imagine what the abandonment would feel like knowing that he wasn’t wanted.”

 

“Regina,” Emma leaned forward elbows pressed against n her slightly parted thighs. Noticing that Regina didn’t correct her for using her first name rather than her title, she felt at ease to proceed with what she wanted to say.  “I understand your reasoning, and I agree with you, though my agreeing with what you’re saying has no bearing on how you raise your son. Sometimes, parents _do_ want their children.  But for whatever reason, they can’t give the child what they need, so they give them the only gift that they can give, the gift of a better start in life.  They give them their best chance. And in Henry’s case, you and Daniel were, and you still are his best chance.”

 

Regina looked a little embarrassed trying to fight back the tears gathering at the corner of her eyes.  She looked away for a moment, inhaling a calming breath as she blinked rapidly. Emma couldn’t take her eyes off her.  She was getting the impression that Regina worked hard to maintain a hard exterior when inside she was soft and still torn apart.  What Regina was trying to hide looked all too familiar to Emma. The moments where she had struggled most, when she had drank far too much and found herself in her bathroom staring into her own green eyes and looking at her reflection not recognising who she had become.  She knew she had touched on pain that was still imbedded somewhere in this woman’s soul, and felt it best not to say another word.

       

“I’m sorry Miss Swan,” she finally said, composing herself before continuing.  “Where were we?”  Regina’s strategy was to obviously ignore her own feelings and throw herself into a distraction by moving the conversation forward, past the uncomfortable part.

 

“Yeah, uh... back to the situation at the school.  If you read further on my mom did suggest that Henry sit this one out as he wasn’t ready.  But he chose to ignore that and did start the work. It was after ten minutes that it was evident he couldn’t continue and my mom tried to encourage him because he had expressed interest and was trying.  But sadly he didn’t take it very well.”

       

“I see... and why was there a failure to communicate with me that he needed the reflection room and time to calm down?  Surely I should have been informed of this incident?”

 

“The school receptionist did try to contact you.  But you were unreachable on your cell and out of the office Madam Mayor, so maybe you could answer that question?”  Emma waited for an answer, but the Mayor looked down into her lap, pressing a hand to her forehead to cover her eyes.  

 

Studying body language had been useful in catching out the guys who had skipped bail.  Emma would lull them into a false sense of security by seemingly chance encounter that she had actually staged, arranging a date before chasing the bail jumper.  It helped to know what they were feeling, how vulnerable they seemed, and what an expected reaction might be. This was shame written all over Regina. What was she ashamed of?  After a few moments the Mayor composed herself.

 

“I’m afraid I can’t answer that Miss Swan.  It’s confidential. I’m not always available.  I’m the Mayor, I have meetings upon meetings to attend as well as ensuring this town runs smoothly.  I understand it is difficult to get hold of me.”

 

“So you... understand and accept that my mom did the best she could?”  Emma asked, a little unsure of where she stood.

 

“Yes.”  Regina sighed.  “I can’t deny the facts.  Your mother has made some suggestions as to changes that can be made within the school.  I think while Henry is staying in hospital for a short spell, I’ll consider these changes and decide if I think they will help support him better.”  Regina sighed again only this time it was much heavier.

 

“You know, this isn’t going to be forever.  We rarely ever stay in the same stage of grief for the rest of our lives.  Nothing is permanent, not even feelings. Everything passes and this too shall pass.  Don’t give up hope yet. The kid just needs a little extra time, y’know?” With that, Regina rose from her chair, and Emma shortly followed.

 

“Yes.  They say time is a great healer.  Thank you for your time today Miss Swan, and for those supportive words.  I appreciate the effort you went to. I’ll be in touch, you can see yourself out.”  Regina spoke quietly gesturing towards the door. Emma’s lips twisted into a pitying smile before heading towards the door. Stepping out into the corridor, she bumped into a slender well dressed man, spilling his coffee all over him.

 

“Gaaaaah!”  The noise from his mouth was familiar to Emma’s ears and she froze in shock at the man wiping down his suit with his bare hands until he caught her eyes.  “YOU!” He hissed.  The knot in Emma's stomach was now taking residence around her lungs. Her chest tightened, a surge of adrenaline shot through her body, preparing her to fight or flee.  Regina’s office door opened wide.

 

“Mr. Gold how nice of you to join me ten minutes late for your appointment.” She snarled.  It was evident from the look on Regina’s face that she didn’t like this scrawny yet powerful imp of a man.  “I’m a busy woman and I haven’t got all day, Gold, in my office now!” Regina ordered opening the door wider.  Mr. Gold walked in, his cane echoing on the marble floor and ringing through Emma’s ears.

 

“I’m sure we’ll have a proper catch up Emma...”  He smirked as he walked passed her into the office, “I’ll find you.”  He muttered just loudly enough for Emma to hear as he shut the door. Emma wasted no time in leaving the building.


	7. Dastardly Deeds & Deals

Regina locked her office door behind Mr. Gold and proceeded to walk towards her desk in a purposely alluring manner.  She knew exactly what she was doing as she had often used her femininity to get what she wanted. She knew full well that Mr. Gold would be watching her ass sway as she walked and would be somewhat aroused by the sound of her heels clicking on the marble floor.  She was right. She caught a glimpse of him looking down toward her perfectly round cheeks confined by her black leather pencil skirt. She smirked, then drop her expression to a more authoritative look, walking around to the other side of her desk and placing her palms spread apart towards either corner.  Regina knew how Gold ticked, she knew he lusted after her, and she planned to use the power she had over him, to get whatever could benefit her out of whatever deal he had come to her with. Her stance gave Gold an ample view of her cleavage, and he was clearly fighting to keep his eyes of her chest.

 

“So Mr. Gold, to what do I owe this undoubtedly distasteful interruption of my busy day?”

 

“Distasteful?  I’m not the one showing her cleavage to conduct a meeting now, am I, dearie… not that I’m complaining.”  His sarcasm caused Regina to reconsider her position. Maybe he had figured out her usual tactics. She stood up straight and folded her arms defensively across her breasts, raising an eyebrow and pouting a little as she tried to figure out his intentions. 

 

“What do you want, Gold?”  Regina said authoritatively, noticing  an all too familiar devious crocodile like smile creeping across his scrawny, face.

 

“Now is that any way to address the man who ensured that you would be elected as my successor?”  Regina squinted at him in disbelief.

 

“You seriously think I couldn’t have won the town over on my own merit?”

 

“I’m sure you could, Madam Mayor.  But I wanted to be sure that charming David Nolan had a landslide failure.  I needed it to be you because you and I… we need each other despite what you might think of me.” 

 

“That’s a reach, even for you.”  Regina said, as she pulled out her chair and sat down with the poise and composure of a queen.  “Now, why don’t we cut the small talk,  _ Mister  _ Gold?  Let’s get down to business.  What is it you need from me?”

 

Mr. Gold had a moment of pensive thought, eyes flickering to the door and before he returned his attention to Regina.

 

“I had intended on coming here for another reason but that can wait for now,  I have a more pressing need that requires you influence.”

 

“My influence… Okay I’m listening.”

 

“It’s nothing too major really, just a little state law I’d like repealed and replaced, and I need your assistance in making a convincing plea so that it isn’t opposed.”  His nonchalant demeanour gave Regina cause for concern. He didn’t have the full power of this town for quite some time now, and still he was trying to call the shots. “You do this for me and consider our deals settled.”

 

“Deals are never settled with you.  You always manage to get me into a position where I need to accept the new deals you offer, or suffer consequences for not taking them.  And you’ve had my job, Gold, you know I can’t do that.”

 

“I’ve had your job dearie that’s true, which is why I know how to pull the strings. You can do it, and you will.”

 

“Why do I feel like whatever this is, it’ll be a law that will only serve you and not the entire town?”  Regina’s eyes narrowed at him. She’s never trusted that man. She thought back to the moment they met:

 

* * *

Sat in the Rabbit Hole, Regina had had a tough day.  Henry had an aggressive tantrum before heading to school that morning, which put Regina in an exhausted, unpleasant mood.  Her whole day seemed to derail from that point. She’d stubbed her toe, spilled her coffee, was late to a meeting… it was just one thing after another.  So, she took a few “personal” hours off working just to have a drink and unwind from the stress. Mr. Gold, uninvited, took took a seat beside her.

“You won’t find the answer to your problems at the bottom of that glass, dearie,” he said condescendingly , “but maybe you can find some answers to your issue through me.”

“There’s nothing you can do to solve my problems.” Regina said, refusing to take her eyes off the glass of single malt whiskey in her hands.  “Unless you know how to stop me from losing my sanity whilst my son grieves the loss of his father and hating me in the process, there’s nothing you can do, carry on about your business.  I’m sure you have better things to do like running the town than to speak to a failure of a mother.” She took a small sip from the glass tumbler and returned it to where it had been sat on the table in front of her.  Her hands cupped that glass for dear life and she just couldn’t let it go.

“Is this what you want dearie?  To lead a life where you rely on getting through your day?  Or do you want a life where you can take control of  _ something _ ?”  Regina took her eyes off the glass to meet Gold’s with a questioning stare.

“What on earth do you mean by that?”  She was ready to let out some of the anger she had contained, she wanted and needed to lash out.  Just one more aggravating word or insinuation and she was sure she would lose her temper.

“What I mean dearie, is that anger and frustration you’re feeling, maybe you can channel it in a more productive way.”

“What do you know about how I feel?  You don’t know me, you have no idea...”

“Oh I know how to spot a desperate soul when I see one.”  Gold interrupted with a slight smirk on his face. “You’re so wound up right now I can feel tension oozing from you.  What if I told you that you could let that out in a safe way and benefit the town and yourself?”

“Okay,” she said, curiously, raising an eyebrow as her eyes met his. “What are you thinking?”

 

Gold faced the table, resting his arms upon it, palms down, making an almost triangular shape where he placed them.  “As you know, elections are coming up. I won’t be serving another term, that much is clear. I need someone I can work with to keep this town running like clockwork instead of David Nolan’s pathetic ideals.  I need the role of Mayor to be filled by someone who I can trust. I’ve been running the town for a while and I’m not quite finished with it yet. Storybrooke needs a strong leader. The popularity right now seems to be on David Nolan to campaign for my role.  If that man gets the job, this town will go downhill.”

“I’ll take your word for it, I barely know anyone in this town yet.”  Regina said, feeling a little nervous as to where this conversation was heading.  “And you barely know me. You have no idea if you can trust me.”

“I need a strong woman in charge, a Madam Mayor, the first Madam Mayor of Storybrooke.  The fact that Storybrooke has never had a woman running this town will gain far more support and the people will barely question your intentions.”

“You think I’m a strong woman?  It’s the middle of the day and I’m in a bar drinking because the smallest things as well as my son’s temper tantrum this morning, got to me to the point where I wanted a drink.  I’m  _ not  _ strong.  The people have no clue as to who I am.   _ I  _ don’t even have a clue as to who I am at this point.”  Regina kept her voice low as some patrons headed towards the back will pool cues in hand.

“And that’s what makes you the perfect candidate,” he smirked.  “Nobody knows who you are, you fade into the background, you keep to yourself… But you could be anyone you wanted to be when you’re put into the limelight.  If you want a job where you get to call the shots, act like a bitch at times and get paid for it, using the job as a cathartic way to deal with your grief and earn a decent salary for you and your son, then I can sell you as a candidate.  But in return, I will need to call upon you for favours, whenever I need them.” 

 

Regina was unsure of this impish little man’s suggestion.  But maybe this was what she needed. Therapy was not something she felt comfortable attending.  Going to some of Henry’s sessions when he’s requested her to be in the room, were quite enough for her to know that she didn’t want to tell a soul how she felt.  She just wanted to be a strong role model for Henry, and give him what he needed. Gold offered to rig the election. It wasn’t too long after Daniel had died, trying to ignore her grief for the sake of Henry by running for Mayor was the perfect distraction.  It had been quite a while since Regina had been focused on a career. 

 

“Why do you want to help me?”

 

“Because I’ve been where you are.  I lost my first wife and I’ve lost our only son we had together.  What you need as well as time, is power. Power helps push you through that anger at the world stage.  Power will make you a success. Power will give you everything you ever need. Power will pull you out of this emotional rut you’re in.  The alternative is keep things as they are. The choice is yours, dearie.”

 

Emotionally drained, Regina knew she wasn’t happy, mostly because Henry wasn’t, and she missed Daniel something fierce.  Maybe Gold was right. Something to control and focus on might be exactly what she needed in this mess of a life she was barely living.  As Mayor she could use her job to vent some of her emotions when containing them felt all too much. And it certainly would give her the break she needed from Henry, because as much as she loved him, she was also drained and clearly was not helping him the way things were. She contemplated for a few moments, then raised her glass toward’s Gold, giving him the cue to raise his in celebration .

“I’m in!” she said, clinking her glass on his.

“Here’s to secret partnerships.”  He said through his crooked smile, and they knocked back the remainder of their drinks together.

* * *

 

 

And now here she was , paying the price for a decision she had made that fateful day; yet another favour to do for Mr. Gold.  She couldn’t ever say no to him. She had managed to use her feminine wiles to get what she had wanted in the past, but in hindsight, it was only if what she wanted would benefit him in some way.

 

“What law was it you wanted passed?”  Regina sighed.

 

“Currently Maine has a pathetic excuse of an alternative to the  _ ‘stand your ground’ _ law.  I want that changed.  I want the stand your ground law to replace the current bullshit law we have in place.”

 

“And what purpose do you need it in place, Gold?” Regina questioned with concern.  “Are you planning on getting away with murder?” She laughed of her comment, but Gold had a serious face before he finally laughed along with her, which instantly made Regina nervous.

 

“Of course not, Madam Mayor.” He said through his teeth, grinning like the devil had just stolen a purely innocent soul.  “I’ve just pissed a lot of people off when I was Mayor and I want to know I can defend myself fully if need be as there are many in this town who would love to see me dead.  And you should be concerned too. Since you saved that little girl in the library fire, the town’s people have been eating out of the palm of your hand...”

 

“A fire you started, Gold!”  Regina interrupted, “That child didn’t need to be put in danger like that.”

 

“You saved her, like I knew you would.  Nobody was hurt, and happening a week before Election Day, well, it really swung the voters to your favour, or rather,  _ our  _ favour.  I did what was needed.” 

 

“I was doing just fine without that reckless little stunt you pulled!”

 

“Oh you can keep telling yourself that dearie, but we both know the truth.  Nobody knew you and it wasn’t until you saved one of them, were you considered one of them.  That being said, if the town’s people heard that their heroic Madam Mayor started that fire to gain the votes, you’ll be attacked by them, and they’ll lock you up... you’ll be without your boy.  Now, you wouldn’t want that, would you, dearie?”

 

“Don’t you dare bring my son into any of this!”  She snarled, fingers curling into tight fists as she glared at him.

 

“I wouldn’t dream of bringing Henry into anything.”  His lowered breathy tone was threatening and Regina was certain it had intended to be so.   

 

“He’s a child, and a grieving child at that!”  Regina snapped. 

 

“Precisely!  It would be very unfortunate for him if you were... unavoidably detained for a long period of time, it would be a shame for him to end up back in the system.”

 

“You wouldn’t...”

 

“Oh but I would, dearie.  You _will_ do as I ask and support that bill.  Or I’ll see to it that you are incarcerated, and Henry will be placed back into in the foster system.”  Mr. Gold’s evil smirk infuriated Regina. She pursed her lips, trying so hard not to lash out at the little imp over his manipulation, but realistically there was nothing she could do. Not now.  Not when Henry was vulnerable and needed her care more than ever. 

 

“Fine!”  Regina’s begrudging tone echoed off the walls of her office.  “You will have my support.” She could feel her jaw tighten as she said those words.  His request conflicted with her own ideals and values, but she had to put them to one side, for Henry’s sake.  He still needed his therapy, he needed stability and routine. Maybe she needed this job still. She needed something for herself.  But was the job really what she needed when Gold was pulling her strings? She was in too deep to think anymore about the situation.

 

“We have a deal then, dearie.” Gold said, rising to his feet using his cane for support.  He held out his hand to Regina to shake on the deal agreed. A deal was never a deal until the handshake. 

 

“Not so fast.  If you’re getting me to get my hands dirty for you.  You can get your hands dirty for me on a personal matter.”

 

“I hardly think you’re in a position to bargain with me, Madam Mayor.”

 

“Oh but maybe I do.  You see, I’ve been at rock bottom many times in my life.  And if there’s one thing I’ve learned in recent months, it’s that rock bottom has built more champions than privilege or power has ever done.  I can always bounce back from a bad reputation and mistakes. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. And thanks to you and your contacts, I now have one of the best legal teams who will drop everything to support me, especially when I’ve done favours for them that you know nothing of.”

 

Gold paused for a moment, staring at Regina with a look of intrigue.  He seemed almost proud of her for taking him on like this.

“Go on.”  He commanded.  Maybe it wasn’t pride, maybe it was smugness.  Maybe he was laughing in his mind at Regina’s sheer audacity.  She wondered if that was the case, but she also didn’t care.

“Neither of us has the time or patience for court cases, no matter whether they are warranted or not, so it’s in our best interests if we both do something for the other.”  Regina leaned back, her chair responding to her movements by tilting, cushioning her regained confidence in this conversation. “I’m sure you’re aware that my son’s latest disappearing act resulted in a trip to the hospital?”

 

“I’m aware, yes.”

 

“It occurred to me that due to the fact that Henry is an adopted child he could potentially be at risk from future conditions.  I received his basic medical history, but it was a closed adoption. I know nothing of his birth parents. If something hereditary decided to manifest with his health, I would have no warning of it happening, and I’d have no birth parents to contact should he need a donation of any kind.  I need you to use your contacts and… let’s call them ‘powers of persuasion’, to get hold of my son’s adoption file. I want and need everything in it.”

“Be careful what you wish for Regina, you just might get it.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

 

“Well there may be things in there that you wish you’ll hadn’t seen when you finally get it.  You can’t just unsee things. But if you’re sure, then consider it done.” He held out his hand once again to confirm their deal, and this time, Regina complied. Shaking his hand was as good as signing on a dotted line to Gold. As he  released Regina’s hand and limped out of her office.

Regina’s cell phone vibrated on her desk.  Upon glancing at the screen, she saw Henry’s name with the brief message;

 

_ Henry:  Mom, what time are you coming in? Visiting hours start from 12 noon and finish at 7pm. _

 

Regina took a deep breath followed by a long slow exhale.  So much was going on for her that the stress within was building up.  She didn’t want to take any of it out on Henry.

 

_ I’m going to finish a little earlier today my little Prince. So I should be able to get to you  at 5pm. Is there anything you need? _

_ Henry:  My iPad and charger?  I’m bored in here. I’m missing out on so much school they’re going to want me to catch up. _

__

_ Regina:  I’ll go home first then and collect your iPad and charger.  And I’ll ask Miss Swan if she wouldn’t mind sitting with you to give you work that you’re missing out on. _

 

This was the first time in while Henry showed interest in school work.  Maybe his new teacher has made an impression. Maybe she’ll have a positive impact.

_ Henry: Thanks mom!  See you soon.  _

 

Regina replied with a red heart, but Henry didn’t reply.  He’s found it difficult to express feelings of love since Daniel had passed, but Regina would always still send him one so that he knew he was loved. Grabbing her keys from her table she headed out of the door.

 

****


	8. Hindsight is 20/20

  
  
“Okay class it’s time to pack away our things. Everything we’ve used today has a home, so if you’re about to go home where do these things have to go?” Emma asked the class. The children had warmed to her quickly over the past few days, and she could tell from their cooperative behaviour that they were eager to please her as their new teacher.

  
  
“The things go to their own home before we do Miss Swan.”  The children chanted in almost perfect unison. This was a practiced response that Emma had brought to the class. She had created an agreement with the children about how everyone is to behave in the classroom, including her and Jasmine, the paraprofessional and aspiring student teacher. That way if any of the children became unruly, Emma could take them to one side and refer them to the agreement. One of the rules that they all agreed on, was that when items are used, no matter what subject is being taught, they were to put the items back where they belong so that they all knew where they are the next time they needed to be used.

 

The children quickly put the items back in their rightful places and returned to their desks, raising their chairs up onto the tables so the cleaners could come in vacuum. Once they were all ready Emma inspected their desk areas to make sure everything had been put away and nothing was left behind. As she came to the final desk area, the bell sounded.

 

“Okay kids you know the drill, line up by the door, no scrambling!”  She instructed.  The children obediently followed Emma’s command and once they got there they all stood to attention.

 

“I’m really proud of you all today. You’ve done so well these past few days.  I'm so pleased to have such a well behaved class!"  She noticed the children smiling when she vocalised acknowledgement of their good behaviour.  They seemed proud of themselves too.  Now, my excellent class, follow Miss Jasmine out and she’ll see you to your parents and take those of you using the school bus, and board you onto it. What do we not do when taking the bus?”

 

“We are not allowed to get off at a different stop unless we gave you a note from our parents.” This was part of the new rule Mary Margaret had put in place. Children staying at a friend’s house must bring a note to class from the parent. The school receptionist would then have to contact parents to ensure that the notes were genuine.

 

As the children began to empty the room, Emma began organising her papers on her desk when she heard a knock at the door. She turned to see Regina stood by the doorway.  Allowing the children to pass by her she pointed to Emma then to herself and made a talking sign with her hand. Emma nodded and held up her index finger, mouthing one moment to her without letting a sound out. As the last child vacated the room, the mayor entered the room.  Emma couldn’t help but notice the black leather pencil skirt hugging Regina’s perfectly shaped legs. She didn’t expect the Mayor to be wearing leather at all. _Kinky!_  Emma’s internal voice inappropriately yelled in her head.  She quickly picked up her gaze to Regina’s eye level.

 

“See something you like Miss Swan?” Regina asked coyly.   _Shit!  She noticed me staring... wait, is the mayor flirting with me for the second time today?_    Emma pushed that thought away. _Regina isn’t gay surely not... There could very well be a heterosexual explanation for this._   As quickly as she brushed aside that thought, her inner voice, it came back to argue some more... _she could be bisexual though. You never know._

 

The panic rose from Emma’s toes to her face.  She could almost swear that Regina could hear her thoughts, or at least guess what she was thinking from the heated flush in her cheeks giving her away.  She turned her attention away to reorganise her already perfectly organised desk, hoping that appearing busy would distract from her new obsession with how beautiful this madam mayor standing before her really was.  She couldn’t understand why she was acting this way.  Why now?  Why at twenty eight years old was she attracted to a woman when she hadn't been aware of being attracted to women before... wait... _Am_ I attracted to her? She wondered. Quick Emma, say something for fuck sake!

 

“I like your shoes!  The red soles against the black leather looks great! I might myself a pair.”  Emma had no intention of buying stiletto heels, least of all Louboutin’s. No way could she afford those on her salary, besides, she wasn’t the stiletto wearing kind of woman, unless they were the only shoes that would go with a dress, and wearing a dress was a rarity these days.  She remembered the sneakers she was wearing, clenching her jaw and her lips at the realization that her cover wasn't believable.

 

"Hmmm."  Regina seemed a little taken back by Emma’s response as she gracefully sat herself on the chair Jasmine would use.  Jasmine always placed it right next to the teacher’s desk at the end of the day.  “Leave that for now Miss Swan, I’d like to talk with you about Henry.”

 

Regina certainly had a commanding presence, and Emma found that she was unable to rebel against her command, and complied with their Mayors request. As Emma pulled her own chair closer and sat down, her comfort was compromised somewhat.  Her seated position facing the mayor, gave her full view of Regina's slender, toned legs, crossed and showcasing those shoes that taunted Emma's mind.  Despite Regina’s small petite frame, her legs seemed to go on forever.

 

Emma discretely pressed her lips together, pushing her tongue into the tight slit between them trying to hide whatever this fascination with Regina was.  She was very much aware that this very observant woman doesn’t miss a trick. However, on the inside, Emma was not so cool and calm. She was struggling, pushing away every little thought she had over this woman, yet her brain seemed to enjoy torturing her. You are so gay for her, Swan! Tell me you didn’t just think about going down on her when you licked your lips just now! She could feel her jaw clenching trying to tell her thoughts to just shut the fuck up!

 

“Of course, I’ve been wondering how he’s doing.  Any updates?”

 

“He’s doing well, every day he seems to be coping better with the pain than the day before.  It’s just a little strange for him with pins in his foot.  But you know boys, they take injuries like broken bones in their stride, whilst their parents are horrified that their babies are damaged and healing.  His physician has ensured me that he should be able to return home in a few days, however I’m not sure when he will be returning to school, and that’s what I’d like to discuss with you.”

 

“Okay. What would you like to happen, Madam Mayor?”

 

“I really don’t want my son held back a year,” the concerned mother expressed whilst shaking her head. “So I’d like to see if we can do something to prevent that from happening.”

 

“What did you have in mind?” Emma asked with curiosity.  She couldn’t make the call as to whether or not Henry would be held back. And the awkward expression on Regina’s face suggested that what she had in mind wasn't usual protocol. Lightly biting down, Regina worried her bottom lip behind her teeth, which wasn’t helping Emma feel any less awkward than she already did.

 

“I know that as a teacher you don’t make a lot of money, and that you’re expected to provide your own supplies each term, which eats into your salary. So I was wondering if maybe we could, maybe, help each other out?"  

 

Intrigued, Emma adjusted herself to a more receptive position, sitting back in her chair, elbow on her desk, resting her chin in her hand.  "You have my attention, what are you thinking?"  She asked

 

"I could increase your earnings, by having you tutor Henry privately every evening for a couple of hours. I will pay you for your time, and you would have a permanent invitation to join us for dinner. That is if you don’t have some devilishly handsome boyfriend tucked away to spend your evenings having dinner with.”

 

Emma was surprised by Regina’s request. Of all the possibilities that could help Henry, she chose the one that involved being in her home during non business hours.  In other words during her personal time. Is this a good idea? Emma pondered. She needed the money that was for sure. But she was apprehensive given that she was finding herself, for the first time, attracted to this woman, and matters were complicated by the fact that she had been assigned the class that her son was a part of.

 

“There’s not really any other options. Until Henry is a place where he can return to school, he is going to be at home, and will be confined to a wheelchair and his bed. As it is, I will have to hire someone to care for him during the day whilst I work so I can still have an income to provide for Henry and his additional needs as he recuperates. He will need a private tutor at home.”

 

“What about hiring a private tutor?  One that's already well established.”

 

“If that was a possibility, Miss Swan I wouldn’t be asking you. Henry seems to have taken so well to you. I don’t know whether it’s because you rescued him or if he just genuinely liked your personality, but he likes you. He hasn’t expressed liking anyone for some time. Do you remember telling me I was Henry’s best chance?”

 

“Yes I do and you are.”

 

“Well, you’re also his best chance now; his best chance for staying in education whilst currently the odds are stacked against him. I’m not usually one to beg Miss Swan, but here I am. I’m just a mother, pleading with a teacher, asking her to help educate my injured son... please?  

 

In that moment Emma could hear the desperation in Regina’s voice. There was no way she could say no to her, and maybe on some level she didn’t want to either.  
“Okay. I will tutor Henry when he returns home.” Regina’s face lit up at Emma’s response. “But we do this above board.” Emma continued. “You’re my employer so you’ll need to draw up a working agreement so we both know where we stand at all times.”

 

“I can do that, it’s not a problem. Thank you. I’ll leave you to get on with whatever you need to do now.” And with that, the Mayor rose from her seat, a more relieved and hopeful mother.  Emma watched her walk out of the classroom and disappear from view. She let out a sigh as if she had been holding onto her breath for the entire conversation. What was it about this woman?

 

Looking back over her life in hindsight, perhaps the attraction to women was always there. Lilith, whom she fondly called Lily had been her best friend since Kindergarten after the two had bonded when Emma stood up to Lily's bullies.  Being a foster child wasn't easy, it made Lily an easy target at school. She had been passed around eight different families in as many years since her birth when bullies targeted her physically, and Emma bravely launched herself at he ringleader, knocking him to the ground.  from that moment they were inseparable.  They always helped each other through their struggles and hardships, having each others backs as they navigated their way through childhood and their early teens.  Emma often noticed how beautiful Lily was, but just put it down to her insecurities, and wishing she looked as pretty and as feminine as Lily. Lily would always tell Emma that she was pretty and that not all girls looked girly and that was okay.  Maybe that friendship would have developed more intimate feelings had Lily not been reassigned to a new family miles away. But the pair lost touch after a while, and Emma never saw Lily again.

 

There was certainly a deeper level of affection for Elsa, who had become her best friend at UMASS.  They had become so close the same way that she and Lily had been during their time in halls together.  Elsa would hug her, possibly more than a friend normally would, but that may have been down to the circumstances Emma was in at the time.  Whenever Emma felt lonely and melancholic after hours of missing Neal, she would always go to Elsa for comfort.  Sometimes Elsa would wake when Emma had woken in the middle of the night from nightmares replaying Neal's death to her.  Elsa would get out of bed and walk over to Emma's, and it became routine for Emma to move over and allow Elsa to get into bed with her and hold her as she cried herself to sleep.  Being in Elsa's arms was soothing, but looking back on that time, there were definite moments where Emma felt the platonic boundaries may have been crossed.  She loved Elsa of course, but could it have been more than just friendship?  She wasn't sure.

 

Emma's thoughts drifted into daydreaming about what tutoring Henry and having dinner with him and his gorgeous mother might be like, she imagined how she might feel if she kissed Regina at some point. But when she went to imagine it, her imagination got cloudy.  She had never kissed a woman before, so imagining it seemed difficult to her. Whilst in her imagination space, picturing many different scenarios, Emma felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket. She took it out and looked at the screen.  Her heart raced and dropped into her stomach, and the phone fell from her hands onto the desk.  She stared at the text on the screen in shock and fear:

 

_Killian DO NOT ANSWER: I finally know where you are, love.  See you soon... "Swan!"_


	9. Flashbacks

Over a decade had passed since Emma’s first day at university.  Naturally, she was nervous over embarking on this new adventure. Accepting the offered place at UMASS and leaving Storybrooke wasn't a smooth transition after her altercation with Mr. Gold.  Though her parents were delighted she was going off to university to make something of herself, they were concerned that it was too soon for her to leave. She couldn't defer for a year, Gold would have made her life a living Hell.  Besides, she couldn't tell her parents what really happened. She didn't want them to find out that she was pregnant, let alone what really happened on the road the day Neal died. She didn't see a choice in the matter. The opportunity to escape had been given to her, she had to take it.   _Maybe I'll return one day after the baby is born.  They won't be so mad at me when they see the baby and fall in love with him or her._

 

David and Mary Margaret, concerned for Emma's well-being, couldn't really argue with her.  Emma had made her case strong for going at this time, telling them she needed to throw herself into something and deal with Neal's death gradually.  She made it sound like a much better option rather than being at home, without a job or study to occupy her mind, gradually slipping into insanity over the 'if only' scenarios that would ultimately plague her mind. Reluctantly, David and Mary Margaret handed over their savings they had stored away for 18 years, it still wasn’t enough to get her through all three years, but it was a start.  

 

After arriving at UMASS, she was assigned a dorm room and dorm buddy to share it with.  Elsa, was already in the room, unpacked and settled. Emma introduced herself whilst dragging her suitcase behind her, and headed for the other side of the room to the empty bed.  She began to unpack and settle in, dressing the bed with new bed linen she had bought when she stopped by a town she was familiar with for something to eat and to pick up a few essentials for her new room. Driving across states. It didn’t take Emma long to unpack her belongings before Elsa noticed how sparse Emma’s side of the room was.

      

“You didn’t bring anything decorative with you to make it feel like home?  Elsa questioned with a concerned expression. What if you get homesick?”

      

“Huh?  Oh... I didn’t think about that when I packed.  I kinda had to leave in a hurry to get here." She explained whilst making the bed.   I’m not the most organised person really. Only bought these sheets today because they were a necessity.”  It wasn’t a lie for her to say she was disorganised, that part was true. It felt better to say that and omit the truth of the matter as to why she left.  She couldn’t imagine how Elsa might react to hear that an old man, her dead lover’s father, had threatened her life. It would feel like an open invitation to talk, and with everything that had led up to that moment still being new and raw it wasn’t something she felt she could talk to anyone about just yet.  She certainly wasn't ready to tell anyone that she was around ten weeks pregnant.

      

“Well I guess you’ll be working on your organisation skills attending UMASS. But for now maybe I can make it feel a bit more inviting.  Let me see what I have in my bag left over.” Elsa pulled out her suitcase from under her bed and had a rummage through what she hadn’t found a home for yet.  Emma watched her, curious as to what she might have.

      

“I’m guessing you have a lot of snow over winter in Maine?”

      

“Yeah we do!  Usually from October, November time right through until March.”

      

“Okay first I have some snowflake fairy lights.  You can put them around your bed it can help with relaxing.  I have some photo frames I don’t intend on using now as I’m making a photo collage instead, so you’re welcome to those, and I can loan you this knitted blanket, it has a furry side to keep you warm. Oh, and don’t laugh, but I have a unicorn pillow.”

 

The unicorn looked like chunky a plush toy with dinky little legs until Elsa reach under its belly and pulled the Velcro strip so it flattened out into a pillow.  It was an icy blue almost white colour, with plush rainbow mane and tail. Aside from the rainbow colours, it reminded Emma of being small. She had blue glass unicorn mobile above her crib as a baby, which later was put on the ceiling above her big girl bed.

 

“Thank you Elsa, that’s really nice of you.  I’ll be sure to return them to you when it’s time to leave.”  Elsa handed them to Emma and smiled, she seemed genuinely happy to make a difference to Emma, before heading over to her bed and getting her books organised on the shelf.

 

Emma arranged the snowflake lights as she wanted them, through the black metal headboard of her bed frame.  They would remind her of winter in Storybrooke. She had a photo of her mom and dad, and she had one of her with Neal.  She put them in the frames, and placed the one of her parents on her bookshelf, but kept hold the one of her and Neal. Part of her never wanted to see this photo again.  His face smiling truly happy, and they were happy...

 

 _Maybe university now is a bad idea._ She thought.  She knew deep down that the shock of everything that had happened was hitting her all at once like an out of control freight train impacting at a hundred miles an hour.  She needed to mourn. Losing her first boyfriend, her first love only a matter of weeks ago, weighed so heavy on her. That fateful day replayed in her mind whilst she stared at his photo:

 

* * *

 

 

Emma waited in her bathroom for what seemed like an eternity.  Never has five minutes felt so long. She sighed, her leg nervously twitched, waiting for the verdict like she was on trial for a crime.  She imagined how disappointed her parents would be if she had to tell them she was pregnant.  They had always told her she could be anything she wanted to be, that she needed to focus on school, get the grades and a profession under her belt, and they'll be so proud of her.  Not once did they tell her if she became pregnant in her teens, that they would help her SO for Emma, a pregnancy would go completely against the plan.

 

Vibrations from her cell phone interrupted her thoughts, five minutes was up. She stood up took a deep breath looking into the mirror and told herself that she cannot be a mother.  It wasn't the right time for her, and no matter what that test said, she was not, under any circumstances, going to have a baby. She turned the stick over, and there was the truth staring her right in the face. Two lines... it was positive, she was pregnant with Neal’s baby.  She felt her legs buckle, so she steadied herself whilst falling back onto the toilet seat.  It took a few minutes to sink in.  She stared at the stick completely stunned.  

 

She knew contraception wasn’t 100% effective. Even having sex even protected is a risk, but the odds are so small, and it was just her luck that this would happen now after her first time. _This can't be happening_ she said to herself.  She consulted the packet, hoping that she had misread the information, hoping there was another part to it she'd missed.  But it was true, the two lines indicated pregnancy.   _Maybe the test is wrong.  False positives happen all the time,_ she reasoned.  Unsatisfied with the result, she took the test in the box so it wouldn't be found at home, and headed to the local pharmacy.  

 

Mr. Clark, the pharmacist, was busy serving a customer.  Emma wandered around looking at the other products the chemist had to offer.  She had no intention of buying anything else, she was just hoping for there not to be anyone in the store when she went to the counter.  Emma recognised the lady at the counter as she turned to leave with her medicines.  It was her father's ex girlfriend, Katherine.  Her mother and father hadn't had a continuous relationship.  They weren't married when they had Emma, so when they found themselves arguing a lot, her father had decided to move out.  Emma didn't know why or what happened, she didn't want to know either.  They had managed to sort things out by the time she was almost five years old, and slowly got back together.  Emma has vague memories of Katherine scolding her for eaten candy before dinner when she had visited her father one weekend.  She didn't really like the woman.  She was a rebound fling that her father had during the separation from her mother nothing more nothing less and really her parents past actions was none of her business, so she would tell herself.  Katherine had seen Emma around every now and then, but they never spoke, and Emma didn't want that habit of a life time to change.  She ducked behind the stands out of sight avoiding her completely as she exited the pharmacy.

 

"Is there something I can help you with, Miss Nolan?  Mr Clark asked after clearing his throat.  Emma popped up from behind the stands, looking around to make sure there was nobody else in the pharmacy.   The walked over to the counter.

 

"Yes, Mister Clark, Sir... Um... If I buy something here it's confidential right?  You won't tell anybody?

 

"That's correct.  What do you need?"

 

Emma still wasn't comfortable with buying pregnancy tests for herself, and she didn't want her parents finding out.  So began to think of who she could claim the test was for.  

 

"I have a friend."  She started, looking at the pregnancy testing kits.  "She sent me here to buy three of those.  I don't want you to think they're for me.  Last thing I need is my mother getting the wrong end of the stick."  She lied, hoping that her story was believable.  Mr Clark gave her a sideways look before taking three from the shelf.

 

"As I said, Miss Nolan... this is confidential and non of my business, nor is it anyone else business.  Your parents won't hear it from me,"  he reassured.  Emma paid for the products and left.

 

When she arrived home she called to her parents, but there was no answer.  They must have still been at work.  Emma replaced the test she had taken from the bathroom cabinet, and took the other tests.  both of them revealed positive.  She was not ready to be a parent, and couldn't stop thinking about what her parents had gone through to save money for her  for so long for her to get a good education.  There was only one thing for it, she must contact Planned Parenthood and arrange for an abortion.

 

She did some research online on her phone, she could take a pill and this problem would magically go away, with some pain and discomfort of course.  She called the Planned Parenthood office that was close to her but was out of town. They had a cancellation for today.  The woman on the phone asked her if she was sure this was what she wanted.  Emma insisted, and the receptionist reassured her that there will be someone to talk through the procedures with her and will offer counseling prior to deciding whether or not she wanted to do this.  She accepted the appointment and told the receptionist that she was about to leave.  

 

Emma wasn't going to tell anyone where she was going, and she didn’t want anyone or anything to stop her. She had set off pretty quickly making her and her cell phone battery was at twenty percent.  She wasn’t sure if it would last to get her there so she printed off the pamphlet and put it in her folder. She wanted to make it look like she was headed to the library, just in case she was late for her curfew and her parents asked people if they had seen her.

 

Upon leaving, Emma remembered there hadn’t been any parking spaces outside, and her car was down the street and around the corner.  She picked up her pace, she didn’t have much time. Terrified she’d somehow be caught, she kept looking behind her making sure she could avoid her parents.  As she was approaching the junction close to her car she turned back once more and collided into Mr. Gold, dropping her folder in the impact. Emma dropped to the floor quickly to collect the things that had fallen out of the folder.

      

“Watch where you’re walking, Miss Nolan!”  Gold tried to reach down to help her. “You could’ve...”  It was too late. Emma knew that his sudden halt in his rant meant that he saw it.  “Emma... are you...”

      

“It’s for a friend, I’m trying to get this to her to help her.

 

“Don’t lie to me! That line is always used when people mean themselves.”

      

“I gotta go.”  Emma tried to walk passed him, but he grabbed her arm.

      

“We can talk about this Emma, you don’t have to do this.  If you don’t call Neal and tell him, then I will tell him myself.  He has a right to know.” Emma yanked her arm free, she was angry but didn’t dare speak. She just stared him out as she walked backwards a few steps just staring him out before she sped off.  

 

With tears streaming down her face and thoughts racing through her mind as fast as her heart was pounding, Emma may her way through the town.  When the replays in her mind would start she would smack her steering wheel with her palm, _ugh you’re so stupid Emma!  Damn it!_  Once she was in the forest area and over the town line maybe she would feel okay.

 

She was approaching the beginning of the woodland area, heading for the long strip of road not too far from where the town line was situated. She saw a blue car appear in her rear view mirror, careening around corner, speeding so fast like it was on rails like a roller coaster, the horn sounding and the lights flashing, clearly trying to get her attention.  Neal!

      

“Shit!” Emma couldn’t go much faster in her old tin can of a car.  Her phone, on the passenger seat started ringing... _Neal Calling_ .  She ignored it until it rang out but it immediately rang again.

      

“What?!  Her tone was so hostile anyone with some sense would’ve kept their distance.  But not Neal. No, Neal acted impulsively by taking, god only knows whose car he was driving, and chase Emma as she was leaving, he had no sense when it came to safety.

   

“Just stop Emma!  Stop the car!”

 

“I’ve made up my mind Neal!

 

“You weren’t even going to tell me!  This is my baby too Emma. But you’re my girlfriend!  Don’t do this...”  Emma disconnected the call.  And sped up the little she could go in her old car, but Neal had caught up with her. She caught him in her peripheral vision driving on the wrong side of the road shouting at her to pull over, his voice muffled, hitting Emma’s closed window was only just audible.

      

“Fall back you idiot!  Fall back!”  She screamed at him.

      

“No! Stop the car!”

      

“Just leave me alone, Neal!”

      

“Emma Please....”  Neal looked ahead and Emma turned to see a deer in the road.  Emma swerved the car to avoid it and pulled on her handbrake as she drove in the skid.  The sound wheels painfully tearing the air screeching in her ears didn’t drown out the sounds of Neal crashing into the deer and the sign that read, _You are Leaving Storybrooke_.  The animal’s legs had broken through the windshield, and in its shock and panic, the deer kicked full force, Neal’s face taking the blows.  

 

Emma got out of the car not knowing what to do.  All she could do was watch as Neil’s bloody swollen face was being kicked, until the animal was free.  He ran over to him, opened the passenger door and climbed in.

      

“Neal?  Neal!” She shouted, afraid to touch him.  He was so bloodied that she couldn’t tell where all the blood was coming from. “Neal please!  Wake up! Don’t you dare head towards that light. Don’t leave me!” Neal’s eyes opened slowly, rolling slowly unable to focus.  “Neal? Oh my God, Neal? Can you hear me?”

      

“I wouldn’t...argh”  He groaned in pain, “I wouldn’t have let you do it alone.”  Emma cried hearing his words, which pained her like a sword through her heart being twisted.  “I have to go, babe. I love y’...” unable to finished the last ever _I love you_ he would ever say to her, his eyes shut and his body fell limp and lifeless.

      

“No!  Don’t you do this.  Don’t you do this Neal.  You get right back here and stay.  I’m calling the ambulance... NEAL!”  It was too late, Neal was gone.

 

* * *

 

 

“Emma?  Emma? Elsa’s gentle hand upon Emma’s shoulder  whilst kneeling at her side, accompanied with her soft spoken gentle voice lulled Emma back from her memories and into the present moment.

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

“Don’t be silly Emma, you’re allowed to feel what you feel and to let it out if you wish.”  Elsa looked at the photo of Emma and Neal and tapped on his head with her index finger. “You miss him, don’t you?”

 

“More than you know... he died recently.  He was my boyfriend, but he was also my best friend.”

 

“Oh!  Oh Emma I’m so sorry you poor thing!  Can I give you a cuddle? Would that be weird?”  Emma nodded, and with that Elsa climbed onto the bed, he back against the headboard and ushered Emma to come to her.  Like a small child whose world had fallen apart, Emma went with it and lay down beside Elsa, placing her head on her chest and sobbed whilst Elsa’s arms held on to her.

 

A few hours passed by and whilst Emma was stirring she realised she had cried herself to sleep on her new roommate when she felt Elsa stroking her hair.  She shot up in embarrassment unable to look at Elsa.

      

“Hey it's okay Emma, you're safe, it’s okay, you just got upset and needed some comforting that’s all.”

 

Emma didn’t respond, she was too busy wishing she had never showed Elsa her vulnerable side.  She had always been the strong kid at school. She didn’t want to show vulnerability or weakness because it gave people too much of an invitation to hurt her.  She let her guard down for a moment but she was putting the bricks back in the walls she had created around her to protect herself.

      

“Look, I think you’re really brave you know, coming to university soon after losing someone.  It’s amazing that you don’t want to be set back. But I think if you want to stay, it might be worth seeing the on-site counsellor for some low cost therapy.  It’ll give you your best chance at succeeding here. The counsellors’ office info is in the welcome pack. Give it some thought okay?” Emma nodded as Elsa got up off the bed.  “I’m gonna get some dinner, you coming or do you want me to bring you something back?

      

“If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a cheeseburger with fries, extra pickles, some ice cream and Reese's Pieces, that’d be great.”

      

“Wow you sure can eat a lot.”  Elsa chuckled, “I don’t know where you put it all, girl!  Okay I’ll bring that back for you.” Elsa walked out of the room into a noisy corridor.

      

 _I have no choice but to eat a lot..._ Emma thought as she patted her tummy. _I now need to eat for two._

 

She wasn’t sure how she was going to manage, but there was no way she could go through with an abortion now.  This baby was the only part of Neal that was left in this world for Emma, aside from a photo on her bookshelf and some in her cell phone, and a few things he had given her like her silver circle of hope necklace that she’d never take off.   All of Neal’s belongings, Mr. Gold had kept for himself, material possessions of Neal’s wouldn’t be leaving a legacy behind. But this baby, this baby would be his legacy. A good kid, someone as thoughtful and loving as Neal had been.

 

Wondering what her parents might think of her being pregnant, was one thing, but what would they think of her if they find out that due to her hasty decisions and reckless actions, Neal had got into that car.   _It’s_ ** _my_** _fault he’s dead.  If I’d have just gone to him first maybe none of this would have ever happened.  Maybe he’d still be alive! Elsa is right, I need to talk to someone. If not about Neal’s death then at least to help me figure out how I’m gonna raise this kid._

 

Emma took her phone and used the internet to search her university counsellor’s office.  She found the number, copied and pasted it into her dialling screen, and the number began to call.

      

“ _H_ _ello.  This is Killian Jones, receptionist to Doctor Jean Holloway.  Please leave your name, student ID number and contact number, and I will call you after business hours between six and eight P.M. to ensure strictest confidentiality.  Please ensure that you are in a safe and comfortable environment to talk. Thanks.”_ _[BEEEEEP]_

 

It wasn’t often that Emma heard a British accent, but he sounded professional and courteous, and he mentioned the call would be strictly confidential, so that put her mind at ease.  Emma gave the details he had asked for and ended the call just as Elsa returned with her meal.

      

“The queue wasn’t too long, but a friend stopped me in the hall and I totally forgot I had ice cream so it’s a little melted.  Sorry.” She confessed whilst handing Emma her meal.

      

“Hey no worries, makes it easier to mix the Reeces in there.”

      

“Ohhhh that’s an amazing idea!”  Elsa looked really impressed with Emma’s choice of food mixing.  Until Emma dipped her French fries in the melted gooey ice cream.  “Okay you crossed a line now,” Elsa chuckled, “what’s with you? Anyone would think you were pregnant or something.”

 

* * *

 

Emma’s mind kept wandering back and forth through her tormenting fragmented memories whilst she was sat at her desk in that classroom.  She felt frozen to her seat unable to move, trying so hard to breathe through it.  Her mind was split, one side focusing on her breathing and trying to take control to no avail, and the other side sending her back in time to flashbacks of her past.  That’s the thing with trauma, memories from the experience can pop up like an unsolicited porn pop-up online, and just like the instant reaction to the pop-up is to hide it from view, the same is true of trauma flashbacks, though sometimes they can’t help but be noticed by others.  Right now Emma wasn’t able to see the present day world around her, she only had her memories in view.  She recalled her first date with Killian:

 

* * *

 

 

"After weeks of him following her around campus and asking her out.  She knew it was inappropriate of him being her counsellor’s receptionist. She missed Neal so much and just needed to feel safe in someone’s arms.  She later realised just what a rebound Killian was, but at this moment in her memories, she recalled how he relentlessly pursued her until she caved.  Showing her baby bump to him that she had been hiding with baggy clothes didn’t deter him. He had even told her that he would treat the baby as his own flesh and blood.  It was at that point Emma figured maybe she could give him a chance.

 

Killian had arrived at her door the night of their first date and presented her with a single red rose.  Emma dressed as well as she could to hide her bump as she wasn’t ready for the whole world to know just yet.  Her maxi skirt and long slightly oversized waterfall cardigan, helped to hide her rounded protruding belly. The only other person who knew about her pregnancy, was Elsa.  They shared a dorm room together, she was bound to find out sooner or later, and Elsa was someone that Emma trusted wholeheartedly. She wasn’t ready for judgmental eyes to stare at her in the hallways of the university.

 

Emma held the rose to her nose and breathed in it’s unique scent.  Her emo-dressed date watched her, smiling before telling her that she was more beautiful than the rose could ever be.  Emma was about to roll her eyes but stopped herself. The guy was trying to woo her, but it was just a line, typical shit boys might say to impress a girl.  Nothing compared with how Neal spoke to her when they got together. But she knew there was probably nobody who could tell her something as honest and as open as he had.  She wasn’t sure she could let anyone get that close to her again.

 

“Thank you, killian”, she said politely.  “It’s lovely.” Emma laid the flower on top of the latest book she had bought, _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince._ She had been so excited to read it, but just didn’t have the time with everything that had happened.  

 

“Aren’t you gonna put it in water Emma?”  He asked, rubbing his beard between his thumb and index finger.  Emma was taken back by his question it was just a single rose, not a bouquet.

 

“It’d look pretty odd in a vase on it’s own, besides, I don’t have a vase.”  Killian walked through the room, without invitation to do so, and headed to the small refrigerator.  He took out a small half filled water bottle and returned to her, taking the rose on his way.

 

“You’ve gotta care for a flower once it’s picked.”  He said opening the lid and placing the stem inside, setting it down on the bookshelf.  “You need to give it much nourishment as you can during its final days.”

 

“Right… shall we go?”  It had never crossed Emma’s mind that when someone buys you flowers, they’re literally giving a pretty but dying organism.  Their aesthetic will fade as the life is drained out of them. This morbid realization was dismissed almost as immediately as the thought formed.   _No Emma.  Don’t stay stuck with death on your mind.  Push on, this is your fresh start. Neal’s gone.  He isn’t coming back. You can’t change that. Just move forward._  She headed for the door before Killian opened it.

 

“After you,” he said despite his chivalry being too late and redundant.  “The cab’s waiting downstairs.” He closed the door behind him and walked side by side with Emma.  

 

After a short journey in the cab, Killian and Emma arrived outside The Banshee on Dorchester Avenue.  The black brick entrance to the building, much like it’s name, screamed _goth rock_ to her senses, and was not at all inviting.  Emma was already imagining that her shoes would stick to the floor of this place.  She sensed that her distaste was written across her face when Killian explained that it may look a little rough, and appear like the kind of place to avoid, but the food is tasty.  She faked a smile and nodded, giving him permission to take her inside.

 

Upon entering the dingey establishment, the whiff of stale cigarette smoke and fish cooking turned Emma’s stomach.  Placing a hand to her mouth and nose she turned right round and walked out. Nausea washed over her like a tidal wa.  The burning tingle rising in her throat was one she was all too familiar with having morning sickness. She ran down the street to the nearest trash can and threw up into it.  She could sense the eyes of people passing by, their judgement burning holes into her mind. _How embarrassing!_  Anxiety whispering to her conscious mind made the tuts and shame verbalised from people in the street echo louder than they should have.

 

“Emma?”  Killian’s familiar voice sounded equally as loud, thankfully drowning out some of the sound.  His hand touched her back and rubbed gently as she vomited into the trash can, the smell of garbage not at all helping her situation.  “What are you all bloody staring at?!” She heard Killian shout. My wife is pregnant, so keep your judgments and your snickering to yourselves!”   _Wife?_ Emma’s inner voice echoed.   _What the hell does he mean?  This is our first date!_

 

Regaining some control and composure, Emma raised her head out of the trash can, wiping her vomit stained mouth before it started travelling down her chin.

 

“Attractive huh?”  Emma started, trying to ignore her own embarrassment as Killian took a tissue from his coat pocket and gave it to her.  She took the tissue from his hand and thanked him before wiping her face and hand, ensuring that all the residue was gone.

 

“I’d still rate you a ten even with puke on your face.”  Killian joked with a smile and chuckle. “What happened? You get your morning sickness in the early evening?”

 

“Not exactly.  Pregnancy can make you very sensitive to smells.  That place smelled like stale cigarettes which is’t good for the baby, and that with the fish they were cooking just set me off.  I’m sorry.”

 

“No I’m sorry.  I had no idea that pregnancy does that to a woman.  I thought pregnant women were just sick in the mornings and craved weird food combinations.”

 

“You’ve got a lot to learn Killian.”

 

“Aye that I do lass.  How are you? Do you wanna go somewhere else to eat or shall we do something else instead?”

 

“Wherever we go, I want to wash my face.  The smell of my own sick is lingering in my nose.”

 

“Well this first date is _really_ going well don’t you think?”  They paused and looked at each other for a moment before laughing at this disastrous attempt of a first date.

 

“I might not be so bad with sickness later in my pregnancy, but for now, I’m a little nervous going somewhere in case a smell sets it off again.  That was so embarrassing!”

 

“How about we get some take out, and we go to my apartment.  You’ll be warm, there’s a bathroom you can get cleaned up in and run to in seconds, and there’s no need to be embarrassed around just me.”

 

“You don’t live on campus?”

 

“Nah.  I started working at the university before I started studying there.  So I already had my home set up. Not gonna move in with a bunch of frat boys or share a dorm room with a guy.  I like privacy.”

 

Emma gave thought for a moment.   _It would seem a waste of an evening to come out to just go back to her dorm room.  He seemed genuinely sorry for not thinking about where we were going, and his defence he wasn’t aware of the pregnancy issues.  Though his taste in places is lacking maybe that was down to financial aspects. He is after all a student, he’ll be working to save so that he can pay off student debts I’m sure… Fuck it, just give him the benefit of the doubt and see if this disaster date can be redeemed._  “Okay, but I’ll pick the movie and we’ll have dinner and movie.  Maybe one about pregnancy so you can pick up a few things,” She told him as she smirked and winked.  He smiled at her, took her hand and flagged down a cab.

 

During the taxi ride, Killian had asked Emma what she wanted to eat, and he used an app on his cell phone to order their meals to be delivered.  The cab pulled into a housing estate, and parked outside of a suburban apartment, like a small house but all on one level.

 

“Home sweet home!”  Killian said, giving the cabbie his fare before getting out and opening Emma’s door for her.

 

“My my, you can be a gentleman!”  Emma smirked

 

“I believe I was a gentleman telling a crowd of people judging you for puking in a bin that you were my pregnant wife so the judgment would stop.”

 

“Ohhhhhh, that’s why you did it!”

 

“Would you prefer that I was a some Prince Charming type and swept you off of your feet with chivalry at all times?  Let’s be realistic, it’s two thousand and seven, not eighteenth century fairy tales”. He said as they walked towards their door.

 

“True.  probably best you aren’t that way.  You might remind me of my dad and that’d be weird.  As much as it’s nice, I still want to do things for myself.”

 

“Good lass!”

 

The door to Killian’s apartment opened into the living room.  His decor was typical of how Emma thought most bachelor pads would look.  The walls were plain, alternated in light grey and navy blue. His curtains surprisingly matched the colour scheme, but the brown leather couch stood out like a sore thumb.  And of course, the television set was housed by an entertainment system.

 

Killian showed Emma around, starting with the living room, then taking a right into the kitchen.  As they walked through the kitchen, there was a small utility area leading to the bathroom, which had a door either side of it.

 

“If you need to use the bathroom, both of these doors need to be shut and locked for your privacy.”  He informed as they walked through the small area into the hallway. Across from the bathroom was the master bedroom, and a smaller bedroom was at the end of the hallway, opposite the storage closet.  They walked back through to the living room and a blade mounted on the wall caught Emma’s eye.

 

“You a ninja warrior?”  She asked pointing to the sword.  Killian laughed at her assumption.  

 

“I wish!  One of my favourite movies of all time is Kill Bill.  This sword is a Katana blade,” he explained as he took the sword easily but with great care off the mount and presented it to Emma.  “Feel the weight of it.” Emma took the handle into her hand and gripped before killian let is hands down leaving Emma holding the shiny weapon in her hand, which dropped a little without Killian’s support.

 

“It’s a bit heavier than I imagined it to be.”

 

“It’s weighted in the handle for combat.  I loved the scene in Kill Bill with the Crazy Eighty-Eight, so I had a replica made of the Hattori Hanzo sword made.  It’s totally functional and would have no trouble slicing through ice, so let me take this back from you, and put her where she belongs.  On display in all her glory.”

 

As he remounted the blade, Emma found herself smiling.   _This guy is like a total fangirl._ Her inner voice chuckled.  She pressed her lips together so as not to let out a laugh.  She wasn’t about to ruin his pride and joy by belittling his passion.  “I take it you’re the kinda guy who wouldn’t want to watch a typical chick flick pregnancy movie then?”  She asked, residing herself to the fact that she would need to watch cult classic violence based movies with Killian.

 

“Look love,”  he started, taking her hands into his.  “I promise that I will read up on pregnancy stuff so things like this evening won’t happen in future.  Let’s watch something that’s gonna be funny so we can laugh together, instead of freaking out about what your body is gonna experience and do in the later stages.  Let’s have a fun ending to this evening after the terrible start we had. Hmmm?”

 

“Okay, you’re right.”  She sighed with a smile and Killian kissed her cheek.

 

“The food will be here shortly.  Go get yourself cleaned up, love and I’ll set up Netflix for you so it’s ready when you come out.  I’ll give you my PJ pants and a t-shirt so that you’re comfortable in clean clothes, they’re very stretchy so should fit okay.”

 

Emma thanked him and headed to the bathroom.   _He’s not so bad I guess._ She told herself.   _A little socially awkward, but his persistence paid off with me.  Persistence just shows that he will always go after what he wants in life so he’s more likely to achieve it.  His choice of places was without thought, and he was a little aggressive towards people in the street, but he was defending my honour.  Maybe he’s part of this fresh start I needed away from Storybrooke, and maybe he’ll become a permanent part of my life someday. But for now, I’m gonna wash the sick smell off me, and settle down to a meal and a movie… with my new potentially future boyfriend.  Please Neal, if you’re watching over me, please be happy for me._


	10. Taking Control

Receiving a text from Killian wasn’t what Emma was expecting.  After what she did to him she thought he might leave her alone once and for all, but maybe that was wishful thinking after the hell he put her through.  Emma, shaking in her core, was in fight or flight response. Beads of sweat began to appear on her brow, her clothes felt tighter as she felt breathless with anxiety, her heart racing so fast it felt like it was about to burst through her chest.  She began repeating her mantras she’d learned in therapy in her head.

 

 _Silence_ **_is_ ** _a response to a narcissist.  It tells them they can’t get to you anymore.  The only way to win against a narcissist is to not play their game at all.  He cannot take your power from you unless you willingly surrender it and there will be no time to surrender it.  Don’t go back to the one who hurt you._

 

Killian was an impatient and persistent man.  It was best for Emma not to respond to him. But he always found a way to get under her skin and push her buttons.  True to form, bad form at that, he messaged again, escalating his manipulation when he got no response from her.

 

_Killian DO NOT ANSWER:  That is your last name now isn’t it?  Swan? I know this might sound crazy, but I miss you, Emma.  I want you back. After what happened Emma the least you could do is meet with me and hear this out, especially as I didn’t go to the cops!  We have some unfinished business. Remember when we first met? How you walked into the counsellors office and I smiled at you because you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.  You still are Emma. I forgive you for what you did._

 

Emma focused on her breathing, trying to calm her racing heart, whilst reading text after text that came through all because she didn’t respond to him.   _You forgive me? I don’t forgive you, you bastard!  I lost my son because of you, you fucking asshole!_  Her inner voice was screaming, wanting her to reply and fight him, but the small piece of rationality she held onto kept pushing back telling her not to reply because he wants to get into her head.

 

_Killian DO NOT ANSWER: Remember the good old days?  We’ve had some great adventures. The parties, the dinner dates, the coach trip to New York, seeing the statue of Liberty and the bright lights of Times Square.  Remember that waiter who thought you were that actress? I can’t remember her name, but you played up to it to get us free food and we laughed for hours over it... we had a blast!_

 

_Killian DO NOT ANSWER: I’m a changed man you know.  What happened between us gave me cause to reflect on my actions. I know I hurt you, but you hurt me too.  I know you’re back in Storybrooke, and I’m sure our business has stayed our business. So I’m on my way to find you.  We can put all this aside and start again. You really wanna throw all that we had away?_

 

 _It's been almost ten years are you for real?_ Emma remembered everything she had learned after her therapist told her it sounded like she was being abused and that Killian, from her description, sounded like a narcissistic personality.  Narcissists don’t love, they possess. And in reliving this abuse, Emma found herself in a panic attack.

 

Despite being angry and fearfully anxious at the same time which was not a great combination, Emma knew exactly what he was doing.  They didn’t have a blast on that trip because he got drunk on Rum and spoke to her like a piece of shit on his shoe in front of the entire restaurant.  The waiter tried his best to distract from Killian’s behaviour by drawing attention to how much Emma looked like one of his favourite actresses. The food was not free, she left money and a tip when her boyfriend wasn’t able to see due to being escorted from the building and she followed behind him knowing that he had their room key.  But you can’t correct a narcissist.

 

The panic attack was in full swing now, these memories and thoughts racing, heart pounding and she was struggling to catch her breath.  It was like the walls were caving in around her, and her heart was being crushed with a vice. Beads of sweat began to form as her temperature was rising fast, and her queasy stomach made her feel nauseous.  She could hear her heart beating in her ears along with the faint sound of footsteps which only made her panic more.       

 

“Miss Swan I forgot to ask y...  Miss Swan?” Regina had walked back into the classroom and found Emma in a hyperventilating mess.

 

“Can’t breathe.  Panic...” Emma tried to explain through the debilitating symptoms.

 

Regina seemed startled for a moment before taking a seat in the chair she had used just minutes before right next to Emma.  She shuffled closer and turned Emma desk chair around so that Emma was facing her.  

 

“I’m sorry if this seems invasive”  She said, in a calm and quiet soothing tone as she reached for Emma’s heaving chest, and began loosening her shirt buttons, “but you need some room to breathe!”  She explained. Satisfied that Emma’s shirt was loose enough to have some space to breathe but fastened enough for her to retain some dignity, Regina took Emma’s hands into her own and began to help calm down.  “We’re taking control of this now, you hear me?”

 

Emma nodded, surprisingly her hands in Regina’s felt cool whilst being soft and soothing gently clasping hers. Perhaps she was too regular panicked to be thinking about her possibly gay panic at how she’s been looking at the Mayor with such adoration lately.  Maybe in different circumstances she’d have freaked out, but right now, she welcomed the soothing feeling she felt from Regina.

 

“Okay now _slowly_ take in a nice deep breath as I slowly count to five.  You are not to release your breath until I get to five, and when you hear 5 you slowly push that breath out of your mouth as I count down to one.  Nod if you understand.” Emma nodded allowing Regina to take control of the situation.”

 

“Okay breathe in one... two... three...”

 

Empty as much of the air from your lungs and then we take in another and repeat until you feel calm.  Have I made myself clear?” Regina was poised and controlled, totally in charge and Emma loved the way she was speaking to her, like she cared, but commanding her dominating presence with her at the same time.          

 

“Yes”

 

Emma watched the Regina’s plum coloured full lips lips as she counted.  Her teeth were perfect, and Emma couldn’t help but find this controlled yet caring and very beautiful woman’s tongue sexually alluring as the tip of it hit just under her top front teeth to say the word “three”.  It was actually a wonderful distraction from the anxiety to focus on the brunettes mouth. It seemed like everything was going in slow motion and that really helped in calming Emma right down. She could hear Regina counting up to five and as she counted back down, Emma did as Madam Mayor instructed, and released the deep breath slowly and controlled.  A few repetitions and Emma was beginning to return to normal state.

       

“That’s it, dear, that’s it.  Nice and calm.” Regina praised.  Emma could feel the pressure lifting away from her chest as she was regaining composure and control.

 

The walls seemed to have returned, no longer closing in, her heart rate started feeling closer to normal and her breathing was also returning to a more natural state.  The embarrassment started setting in, which gave birth to some awkward nervous laughter as she apologised for being in such a state.

 

“No need to apologise dear, most people have anxiety to some degree.  I’m no stranger to panic attacks myself.”

 

“You have panic attacks?”  Emma couldn’t quite believe that the no nonsense Madam Mayor, the one who turned up at her mother’s door effectively calling her an idiot, was someone who suffered with anxiety.

 

“Even the most powerful and strong people in this world can suffer anxiety and panic attacks.  Do you feel Better now?

 

“Yeah, much better thank you.  I appreciate the help. Did you forget something?”  Emma said feeling a little dazed but confused as to why Regina had returned.

 

“What I had to ask can wait, but you look like you could use a drink.  How would you like to try the best apple cider you’ve ever tasted?”

 

“Got anything stronger?”  Emma asked, thinking she needed a stiff drink rather than a softer one.  She let out an awkward little chuckle.

 

“Well, I don’t do rum or anything that nasty, but I have some Jack Daniel’s Honey at home that I haven’t tried yet.  Why don’t you come home with me, have a look around the house seeing as you’ll be working with Henry there soon, and have a drink with me.  If you feel up to it, I’ll listen. Despite our initial meetings I can be a good listener Miss Swan.” Regina smirked as if that final statement on her listening skills was really hard to believe.

 

Emma felt like she was at ease with Regina now.  She may be a stern woman, but there was kindness there.  That kindness made Emma more curious about this woman. She nodded in agreement and asked Regina if she would drive, she was too shaky right now to do so.

 

“Come with me, Miss Swan.  You’re quite safe in my hands, don’t you worry.”

 

***

 

The drive home was a quiet one.  Regina wasn’t sure what to say to Emma, who seemed to be distant and stuck in her own head, something Regina could relate with.  She tried making a little chit chat about how the weather was getting much colder now, and usually around this time of year the snow arrives.  Emma would respond to her chit chat but her answers were short, and she seemed too preoccupied biting on her thumbnail, which was already short enough.  Her other arm lay across her stomach in a nervous defensive way, like a nervous little kid who was awaiting punishment for being a brat.

 

“Welcome to my humble abode.”  A little awkward giggle passed Regina's greeting as she pulled up to her big white mansion.  

 

“It’s exactly how I remember it!”  Emma piped up as they got out of the car.  “Whenever me and my mom walked passed this place apparently I always pointed out the gate had a heart shape at the top.  I have no idea why. We used to daydream about what living in a house like this would be like.”

 

Regina smiled at Emma’s little story of her earlier years.  She imagined a little blonde girl walking alongside Miss Blanchard, holding her hand and stopping to admire the house that she now lived in.

 

“Well now you’ll get to see what it is like.  Thought you’ll have to imagine it without the temporary ramps I’ve had put in for when Henry arrives home.”  She said as they walked along the path leading to the house.

 

Opening the door the warmth embraced them.  Regina had left the heating on a medium setting to warm the place as the season was transitioning from autumn to winter.  Regina was sure it was going to snow within a week or so. Better to have the warmth through the house now as it helps the keep the pipes permanently warm.  The ramp against the three steps in the initial entrance area, took up the entirety of the steps. But it had a grip mat on the floor so that walking or wheeling up it wouldn’t have a sliding effect.

 

They reached the top into Regina’s spacious hallway.  The house was classic chic, white walls, a curved staircase that seemed to go on forever, sat near the entrance.

       

“I’ll take you for a tour later Miss Swan, but for now please head to my lounge just through that open door .”  She said, gesturing past the stairs with a gentle glide of her hand. “I’ll fetch us those drinks, did you still want the Jack?”

       

“It’s okay, I’ll try the apple cider, thank you.”  Emma said whilst heading into the lounge. Regina took two of the four tumblers sat with the decanter and poured the cider into the glasses and joined Emma in the lounge.  Regina noticed that Emma was sitting on the couch, making herself comfortable with the cushions as she walked in.

       

“This is a homemade recipe using the apples from my tree in the garden.”  Regina informed her whilst handing Emma her glass, feeling proud of her accomplishment in making such a fine tasting beverage all by herself.  Emma immediately took a sip from the glass to try it.

       

“It’s good!  And you made this yourself?”

       

“I did indeed.”  Regina smiled, pleased that Emma was enjoying the fruits of her labour, quite literally.  She took a seat beside Emma at an angle so she was facing her. She sat with her knees together her elbows on her lap as if she were keen to listen to Emma’s story.

       

“Now, Miss Swan, as you are my son’s teacher and will be tutoring him also, it is in my best interest to make sure that you are okay.  A teacher in the anxious mess I found you in today, isn’t good for my son and it certainly isn’t good for you.

 

“I know, I’m sorry Madam Mayor.  I’ll try to do better.”

 

“Oh please, you may call me Regina whilst in my home, I’m not at work here Miss Swan.”

 

“Neither am I yet.”

       

“Hmmm, you make a good point, _Em-ma_.”  Regina smirked trying to break Emma’s tension.  “As someone who struggles with anxiety, I know that sometimes there are no triggers we are aware of that sets it off.  But I noticed your phone screen. I didn’t read the messages as it would be an invasion of privacy. But I’m guessing that this Killian isn’t someone you wanted making contact with you.”

 

Emma gulped then took a bigger sip of her drink and sighed after she was finished.  She shook her head, and stared at her glass that she was hold in her lap.

       

“Bad breakup huh?”

       

“Are break ups ever pleasant?  Yeah, it was an epically bad break up.”

 

“I know this may be hard for you to talk about, but if there is the slightest chance that this man could end up here, I need to know what happened between you two so I can protect my son, and you Miss...” Regina gently placed her hand on Emma’s forearm to offer some comfort.  “Sorry, force of habit... Emma. I need to protect you and as the Mayor of this town I have a lot of say with law enforcement here.”

 

“That might be a problem.  If I tell you what happened, you may see me as the problem.  Maybe I am.”

 

“Why don’t you tell me and let me be the judge of that?  Believe me dear, I know how toxic men can be towards women and exactly the kinds of predicaments they can put us in.  Nothing would surprise me, and I can see how scared you are right now. You might need an ally.”

 

Emma seemed to ponder over Regina’s words for a moment.  Regina Squeezed Emma’s arm gently, trying to convey that whatever was going on, she will give her some protective strength.  Loosening her momentary grip, Regina naturally returned to the previous seating position she had, with the palm of her hands touching each other, waiting for Emma to open up.  Emma downed the rest of her drink as if she would find some courage to talk at the bottom her glass.

       

“Would you like a refill, dear?”

       

“No, I know I need to talk to someone about this because if he shows up I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle him on my own again.  He’s as vengeful as a pirate who’s had his treasure stolen. Smells like one too with the amount of rum he drinks.”

       

“He’s an alcoholic.”

       

“He didn’t seem that way to begin with but hindsight is twenty-twenty right?  I mean, he was a student at the university I attended and the receptionist to the counselling service I used.  We met there when I arrived for my first session. When I got there he made passing comments about how beautiful I was.”

       

“That’s not at all professional of him.  He shouldn’t have done that Emma.”

       

“I know.  I should have reported his ass, but I wasn’t thinking clearly, y’know?”

       

“I understand dear.  You wouldn’t have been there had you have been.”

       

“Exactly.  So I had my first appointment, it was a difficult one.  I had just lost my boyfriend, Mr. Gold’s son, Neal. He died in a car accident chasing after me to stop me from leaving town.”

       

“Oh Emma, I’m so sorry that you went through that pain, and so young as well.”

       

“I’m sorry that you had to go through yours too.”

       

“Thank you dear, but I wasn’t as young as you were.  I’m sure that was a very difficult moment in your life to transition through to where you are now.”

       

“As horrific and as hard as it was, it was the second most painful experience of my life.  See I thought Neal was trying to stop me from leaving town. But what he was actually trying to do, was support me.  I was a terrified teenager on her way to Planned Parenthood to get an abortion.”

 

Regina’s eyes started welling up as she listened intently to Emma’s story.  It was such a difficult thing for her to talk about, that much was clear. Yet here she was telling Regina exactly how Neal passed away.

       

“...it was just too late.  He had already gone.”

 

Regina realised she was feeling something for Emma she hadn’t felt for another adult in a long time, empathy.  She felt Emma’s fear, her pain, and her struggle. Despite not being able to have children of her own, she didn’t judge Emma for leaving town to get an abortion.  Adoption is just as wonderful a way to be parent. She also knew the pain of losing a loved one without warning. Emma had been through what Regina hadn’t fully processed yet, and neither had Henry.   _Perhaps having Emma around will be helpful in Henry’s process_ she thought to herself.   _And maybe mine too._

       

“We all attended Neal’s funeral, everyone in Storybrooke I mean.  I didn’t think Mr. Gold would let me attend. I could see that he blamed me for Neal’s death.  I blamed myself too, for the longest time. But he refuses to see that had he not got involved and called Neal after he discovered where I was heading that day, and then maybe Neal might be alive.  So we could be both at fault. But reality is neither of us was responsible for Neal’s actions that day. He made that decision to chase me and drive dangerously. And I have to remind myself of that.”

 

The more Emma disclosed of her life story, the more Regina was amazed by her strength and tenacity.  She had been through utter hell, came through the other side, lived to tell the tale and had healthy alternative perspectives, instead of self-blame and self-destruction.  This was something Regina wanted to achieve, but her schedule had made that difficult to be in therapy and even more so, Henry was going to be home a lot for a while, needing extra care.  Her mind was wondering at where she might have been had the situation been different.

       

“So going back to meeting Killian, I was waiting to be seen by the counsellor.  That awkward moment.... enough about that and I’ll spare you the details of his relentless perusal at parties and around campus when we’d bump into each other... though I don’t know how we ever bumped into each other we weren’t taking the same classes.  But anyway, 6 months had gone by and I was starting to show...”

       

“Wait, what?  You **_didn’t_ ** get the abortion?”

       

“It was the last part of Neal left.  I couldn’t go through with it. He was such a gift and I didn’t appreciate him as much as I could have.  I decided to keep the baby and figure out how as the months went by. But as you know, I didn’t arrive in Storybrooke with a kid.

       

“I’m sure I would have seen your child by now if you had.  Please continue... if you want to that is.”

 

“I put aside as much of my paycheck as I could working in Starbucks part time.  And some Latina students paid me to translate their essays for them on the down low, which helped a bit too.”

 

“You really wanted to make it work didn’t you.”

       

“Yeah, I did.  The whole time Killian was always showering me with flattery or flowers, chocolates the sort of lame ass things most guys do that never impressed me.  Then one day he sent me a poem. I should have known he didn’t write it but he gave it to me and told me this is how he felt. I started to warm to him.  Maybe I was just sick of his incessant begging and following me around like a lost puppy. But I kinda liked him, I mean he seemed nice enough if not super keen.  And one day I was annoyed frustrated in fact, totally hormonal. I knew I couldn’t date a guy whilst I was pregnant, and as soon as he’d find out about the baby he’d probably run off anyway.  So that day when he asked I opened my jacket and lifted my shirt to him and told him this is why I couldn’t date him. He seemed stunned for a moment. Then approached me, held out his hand and asked, _“May I?”_  I just looked away, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to or not.  He touched my bump and said, If we date, and things go well, I’ll treat this baby as if he or she were my own flesh and blood.”

 

Regina swallowed taking in everything Emma had just said.  The fact that he didn’t wait for Emma to consent to him touching her pregnant belly made Regina a little nervous to hear the rest of the story because obviously it hadn’t ended well.  Nevertheless she continued to listen to Emma attentively.

 

“The abuse started out subtle. He’d comment on what I was wearing.  If it was low cut top or a skirt that was in his words _“short enough for a man to be unable to control himself,”_ then he would make me change into something that covered me up.”

 

“Ugh, typical toxic male thinking.  Women’s clothes are not responsible for a man’s actions.  And clothing does not consent on your behalf. I usually find it’s the men who say what Killian said to you, who are usually the ones who cross boundaries without permission.”

 

“Yeah I think I’ve discovered that too.  He used to tell me that women who dress a certain way, draw attention to themselves on purpose to use men or get what they want, so it’s no different.”

 

“Well as a woman who has used her assets to get what she wants,  I can tell you, no matter how I dress or act around a man, whether it’s to genuinely please a man because I want to make him feel good, like I did with my late husband, or whether it’s because I want to get my own way with something, unless I have told a man he can touch me, he does not have my consent.  Men use their power all the time to get what they want and are patted on the back for it. Women don’t hold the power that men do, so we use what we’ve got. If men want to allow themselves to be manipulated by us, they will, but they are also, as I discovered, completely able to control themselves and not let the way my body looks distract them for the original motive they came for.  So this Killian guy, he’s talking out of ass.”

 

“You’re right.  It wasn’t just with clothes either.  He started controlling who I could and couldn’t be friends with.  And when my friend Elsa tried to tell me that I should recognise my own power and embrace it and not let Killian dictate who I could and couldn’t have as friends, he stopped me from seeing her too.  Arguments out of nowhere would happen frequently right up until the baby was born and by that time we were in a small apartment home. He seemed to calm down a bit. Acted as if he was a doting father to my son, and would have girls flocking around him when he would take him out for a walk, which I only heard from the neighbours because by this point I wasn’t allowed out of the house unless it was absolutely necessary.”

 

“I’m so sorry you went through all this, it’s like being a prisoner in your own home.”

 

“That’s exactly how it felt.  The arguments got worse and he’d always apologise and pretend to sweet again until the next time he was angry.  Then it became physical. He hit me on a few occasions, told me had I not have been so critical of how he was in the house he wouldn’t have hurt me.”

 

“He blamed you for his actions.  That’s what abusers do. Everything you say and do is wrong to them, and you’re their victim and their scapegoat because they can’t take responsibility for being a shitty person.”

 

“Right.  He really couldn’t see how toxic he was being.  And nothing I said or did made the situation better.  He came home once, stinking of rum and cigarettes, and some other woman’s knock of Chanel perfume.  I was in the living room and went to put the baby down as he was asleep anyway after a feed. Killian burst through the door and I told him to be quiet he’ll wake the baby.  He was angry and I’m not entirely sure why, but he pushed me against the wall by my neck and had his other hand over my mouth. He told me it was me who needed to be quiet!”

 

Regina closed her eyes and screwed her face up.  The images in her head as Emma was retelling her story were not ones she wanted to see.  Anything like this angered her, but this angered and for some reason hurt as Emma was telling the story.

 

He tried to force himself on me in a sexual way.  I was terrified, in this mood I thought he might kill me.  So I quickly raised my arm up and twisted my body around to force him off me and I went to run.  I didn’t get far before I felt him pull me back by my hair towards the floor. He went to kick me and I sweeped his other leg. This kind of scrambling happened for a what felt like forever but I’m sure was just minutes.  My son was crying in the next room, and I saw the look in Killian’s eyes. It was a mistake having his katana blade pinned to the wall. It felt like something took over my body because as he went to move passed me to I pushed him back with every ounce of strength I had, he came for me again and everything was a blur.  He stopped, wide eyed, and the colour draining from his skin. He fell to the floor. I didn’t even realise what had just happened. So I started to assess myself as I saw the blood on the floor and sprayed up the walls. I was positioned as if I was about to bat a baseball, not holding a bat, but the katana. In the time it took him to try and come for me a second time, I had grabbed the blade off the wall, and swiped towards him, and his hand was clean off his wrist.  I’d cut hit hand right off it was staring at me on the floor!”

 

“You sliced the guys hand off?”   Her inner voice was screaming with pride at the self defense, _FUCK YEAH!_  But she her rational mind was wondering just what Emma was capable of.

 

“Yeah, the same hand he used to pin me by my neck choking me.  I don’t remember doing it in the moment, but I must have.” She looked down at her hands as she spoke of it.  Regina wondered if he was trying to fathom that her hands were capable of doing such a thing.

 

“I… Emma I don’t know what to say.”

 

“It’s okay.  Sometimes I don’t know what to think when I recall it.  I grabbed my son and got the hell out of there. I believed there was every chance I could go to jail.  I couldn’t risk trying to keep my son any longer I had to do something. So I decided to head to New York, and there I gave my sweet boy his best and only chance.  I gave him up for adoption. So after meeting you and hearing about Henry… I just hope my kid went to a good home and has a mom like you. But I guess I’ll never know.”

 

“I can imagine this Killian is out for revenge.  And that’s something that makes me nervous. Nervous for you, and nervous for Henry as you’ll be working with him.”

 

“That’s the thing, it’s been like ten years and he says he wants me back, after all this time?  I mean we were only together for a little over a year. I’ve spent so long hiding from that man, hoping I’ll never see him again.  Hoping the police would never find me. But I guess he’s telling the truth about not reporting it.”

 

“All the more of a motive to exact his revenge.”  Regina said whilst she was trying to figure out a way to protect both Emma and Henry from this menace that was about to descend upon them.  “You know when it comes to a narcissist, you’re never free from them. You’re a play thing they like to feed from, use and abuse. It doesn’t matter if it was ten weeks ago or ten years ago, they always find you and torture you some more when they know they can feed from you.”

 

Whilst Regina was carefully considering options and safety plans, her cell phone began to vibrate.  She excused herself from Emma for a moment and got up to take the call out of earshot in the hallway,  just in case it was a confidential matter.

“Regina Mills.”  She answered

“Madam Mayor it’s Doctor Whale.  I believe that Henry is well enough to manage the rest of his treatment plan from home.  He’s ready to collect at you most earliest convenience. We’ll discuss his treatment plan when you arrive.”

“That’s wonderful news, Doctor Whale thank you.  I’ll be there within the hour.”

“See you then!”

 

“Emma!  Finish your drink, we’re bringing Henry home!”  Regina hollered from the hallway whilst grabbing her coat from the closet.  She stopped for a moment and smiled. Something about that sentence sounded so perfect.   _Get a hold of yourself Regina,_  she dismissed as she shook her head.  T _he soil has barely settled and you’re still grieving.  Barely settled it’s been two years! You know he’s gone, and you have to move on_ .  She quite often had arguments with herself whilst in her own headspace.   _Oh shut up you idiot,_ she retorted, _she couldn’t possibly be bisexual too, she’s only spoke of men._

 

“Glad to hear he’s coming home!”  Emma piped up from behind her, startling Regina as she spoke.

 

“Jesus!  You always creep up on people like that?”

 

“You said get ready.”

 

“Yes I said get ready, not creep up right behind me seconds after I call you out here to scare the shit out of me!”  She said through a little laugh. Emma began laughing too.

 

“That’s the first time I’ve heard you use a curse word.”

 

“It won’t be the last if you keep this up!”  Regina tried to be stern but still found teasing Emma amusing.  “You’ve made quite an impression on Henry and I’m hoping that you’ll be a good influence on him.  Maybe he’ll open up to you a bit more.” She said as they headed out of the door. I’m going to arrange his therapy session to be here in the house next week. It’s not the usual neutral environment that Doctor Hopper works in, but I think it’s for the best for now.”

 

“Okay.  I don’t know what I’m going to do about Killian.  He says he knows where I am and is coming for me. But I have no idea if or when he will show up.  Sometimes he’ll try and manipulate me to give up information about things, or at least he did when I was with him.”

 

“One thing at a time, Emma.  Let’s get Henry home and settled, then later tonight you and I will discuss a plan to protect us all.  I think, if it’s okay with you… I think you should move in here for a while.”

 

“What?  Why?”

 

“Killian knows you’re originally from Storybrooke and knows of your family, correct?

 

“Oh my god he could search my family and end up at their apartment!”  Emma said as her expression sunk and fell pale. “But he could hurt my mom, and baby Neal…”

 

“Your mother has David.  He’s a strong man. He could easily protect your Mother and baby brother.  Besides, how much damage can he do with one working hand?”

 

“I know what he was capable of with both, he prides himself on survival.  I don’t know what he might be capable of.” She replied as they got into the car.

 

“We’ll figure this out, you and me, after Henry has gone to bed.”  She reassured, “Now, let’s get my son home.”


	11. Bonding

Collecting Henry was the easy part.  The boy was delighted to see Emma again.  She chatted with Henry as if she had known him all his life.  They seemed to a have a natural rapport with one another, and despite being in a lot of pain, he was in good spirits when he saw his mom with Emma.  Doctor Whale had given Regina Henry’s pain medication schedule to follow and monitor, and a series of follow up review appointments for Henry to attend.  He needed a lot of rest for now, but would need to start moving around on crutches if possible in around four to six weeks time. Doctor Whale had also arranged for Henry to be seen by a physiotherapist at a much later date.  Yes the hospital trip was easy, it was getting home that was tough.

 

Getting out of the car required several attempts in different ways for Henry to transfer into the wheelchair that Regina had purchased for Henry.  It was going to take him some getting used to. The hallway steps also proved to be a struggle as the incline was a tad too steep, requiring both Emma and Regina’s efforts to pull Henry backwards up the ramp and safely into the main hallway.  

 

“That…”  Regina started through her breathlessness as she turned to Emma, “that is not... going to be easy... every time…. we have to leave the house and come back.”  Regina took a moment to catch her breath, noticing Emma was a little breathless too. “I didn’t want to have to use the rear French doors.”

 

“Well shoot Madam Mayor, you mean to tell me you could have used the back doors to get the kid in?”  

 

“Would you like to tackle wheels in the wet mud on the lawn, Miss Swan?”  Regina argued sternly as Henry began to laugh. Emma shot him a smile and laughed with him.

 

“You think this is funny kid?” She bantered, rubbing her hand briskly through his hair for his cheekiness.

 

“Yeah, you two argue like you’re a married.” He said through the laughs that were beginning to calm.  Regina pressed her lips together and awkwardly looked away from Emma. _What a strange thing for him to say_ she thought.  When Daniel had died, Henry had been quite adamant that his mom should never love anyone again because his dad was the best and nobody could replace him.   _Maybe he doesn’t think the same way he used to._

 

“In your dreams, kid.”  Emma retorted.

 

“In _your_ dreams **!** ”  Henry mocked.  Regina couldn’t help but wonder if this was Emma’s influence in a happier Henry, or whether it was the effects of the pain meds.  She shook her head whilst smiling and realised that it had been the first time in a long time that she’s done that. In fact, it had been the first time in a long time since there was laughter in the house.  She didn’t want to ruin it but dinner had to be arranged.

 

“Okay whilst you two are discussing who dreams about Emma being my wife more, could you find the time to discuss what you might like to have for dinner?  I’m too tired to cook so it’s going to be take out.”

 

“Yeahhhhhh! Pizza!”  Henry exclaimed, “With a stuffed crust and pepperoni.”

 

“I can see somebody hated eating hospital food.  What about you Emma? I can order Henry a pizza and we can get something else if you’d prefer?”

 

“Are you kidding?  Pizza’s the best!”

 

“High Five!”  Henry said, and Emma obliged, slapping the boy’s hand with hers in mutual agreement.

 

“It’s like I have two children right now,”  Regina sniggered, “I’ll order you two a large pizza to share and I’ll have one of the pasta dishes.

 

“Oh have some pizza, Regina.  It’s not gonna kill you.”

 

“No, it won’t kill me, but cheese kinda gets to me.”

 

“Oh, okay yeah, fair enough.”  Emma said through an awkward smile, “More for us then Henry!”

 

“Good I’m starving!”

 

“Why don’t you two go through to the dining room and I’ll call Dominos?  Regina suggested. It’s usually here within thirty minutes. Henry show Miss Swan to the dining room will you?  She hasn’t had the tour yet.”

 

“The dining room?  Really mom? Can’t we just eat pizza on the couch?”

 

“Young man you know the rules.  We eat together like any other family, and we eat at the table because I don’t want the couches ruined by spills.”

 

“Some family without dad!”  Henry began to wheel himself towards the dining room by himself.  Regina rolled her eyes then shook her head and let out the biggest sigh as she made eye contact with Emma.

 

“And it was going so well.”  She whispered, her damaged heart sinking into the pit of her stomach.  “This is what’s like, Emma, he can be happy and cheerful one minute, and the next…”

 

“A tiny thing can trigger an emotion he doesn’t want to deal with and he takes it out on whoever is around.”  Emma finished the sentence Regina could bring herself to finish. Regina nodded and dropped her head.

 

“I’m failing him as a mother.”  Her voice quivered as she pressed her eyelids firmly together and shrugged, trying so hard not to cry at her perceived failings.

 

“You’re doing better than you think.”  Emma’s soft quiet voice and the light touch of her hand on Regina’s arm was comforting to her, and encouraged her to make eye contact with Emma once again.  “We’ll talk about this later along with everything else, but for now, I’m gonna see if he’ll talk to me. I won’t push it, but I’ll try. You handle dinner, okay?”  Regina nodded and Emma caught up with Henry.

 

“Hey you’re getting fast with those wheels kid…”  The sound of Emma’s voice trailed off as they went into the dining room, and Regina took her phone from her coat pocket to find a missed call and a voicemail.  She ordered the food online first, then listened to her awaiting message.

 

_"Hello Dearie, just letting you know that I have the information that you requested.  I think you’ll be very interested to see this. I've completed my end of the bargain.  I’ll keep safely locked away for now, until you can uphold your end of the bargain,   A deal’s a deal Madam Mayor. Don’t let me down next week!"_

 

An invisible heavy weight fell upon Regina’s chest.  Not too heavy to cause panic, but nevertheless the gravity of the truth was heavy enough and well within reach.  She would finally have the information she needed to keep Henry as safe as he could be, but there was the proverbial pink elephant in the room with her.  His biological parents, whoever they are or were, have names and backstories, and knowing this information would turn them from a secret on paper hidden away, to actual people with lives and stories of their own from before Henry was born and potentially after. They may be out living their lives without a care in the world.  Or they may think of him every day and regret their decision. It was the thought that they may regret their decision and want to find Henry one day that had always scared Regina. The fear of losing the one person left that she loved was something she couldn’t bare.

 

 _Put it away Regina,_ she told herself.   _Now is not the time or the place to be even thinking of these things.  Chin up, smile on and go be the perfect hostess!_

 

_***_

 

“So how’s the foot doing, kid?”  Emma asked, hoping that simple sentence would be the mutant sized polar bear she needed to break the ice.  “Looks pretty wicked with the pins poking through the cast!” The truth was it looked really painful, but Emma knew that boys tend to think broken bones with a cast looked cool.

 

“It hurts but the medicine helps.”  He said quietly, his mood sinking pretty quickly.

 

“At least that’s something.  Guess the physical pain is easier to deal with than the emotional pain huh?  You sounded upset out there with your mom just now.”

 

“She just doesn’t get it.”  he replied, pouting as he crossed his arms.  

 

“What doesn’t she get?”

 

“It’s like she wants to just carry on without dad like he never existed!”

 

“What do you mean Henry?”

 

“I mean what I say.  When she talks about us being a family, it’s like she forgets our family is broken.  Dad isn’t here anymore and he’s not coming back so we’re not even a proper family anymore!”  He unfolded his arm, laying the out in front of his body onto the table, fists clenched loosely.  Emma could see that his defense was dropping for her. This was a silent invitation to talk, with a hint that there may be some conflict and to tread lightly.

 

“I see, so you’re saying without your dad you’re not family?”

 

“Well… I mean she’s my mom of course she’s family, but… ugh.... you know how in Lilo and Stitch they say Ohana means family, and that means nobody is left behind or forgotten? Well that’s how it feels, like she’s left him behind and forgotten him.”

 

“I can understand why you would feel that way and why seeing it that way would be upsetting for you Henry.  People grieve in different ways and her way isn’t the same as yours that’s all.”

 

“When we were living in New York, she took down all the photos of them together from when they were dating, and some of us all, and only left a few small ones around the house.  She packed them all, and she said she would get around to putting them all out. There’s a small one in my bedroom, a small one in the living room, and that’s it! I found the box in the storage closet when I was looking for some of my old toys I hadn’t seen in a while, she just left them there.”

 

“Henry,”  Emma’s soft sympathetic tone when Henry was a little more exaggerated than when she spoke to Regina.  It needed to be, because this was a child she was dealing with. A kid shouldn’t be thinking about things like this, childhood is meant to be a time to be carefree and self-focused.  

 

Emma placed her warm hand upon Henry’s, realising that his grief was forcefully causing him to grow up faster than he was ready to.  Some of his anger would be the loss of his dad, but also, some of this grief was the over the loss of himself, his childhood. He was fighting this growth, fiercely protecting the innocence of his childhood, not realising that was already long gone.  He just wasn’t ready to be grown enough to handle these emotions. She was a teen when Neal had died right in front of her eyes, almost 18. And she wasn’t ready to handle the growth either. You don’t expect people to die when you’re young.

 

“I know that it’s hard for you to understand.  You have all these emotions swirling around inside you, and it’s difficult for you to let them all out, right?”  Henry nodded. “Okay, so all of these feelings are too much for you. So what would you say if I told you that those feelings can happen to grown ups too? Amd maybe your mom is so hurt by your dad’s passing that it hurts to see the bigger photos of when you were all together and happen, knowing that he isn’t coming back.

 

Henry furrowed his brow and seem to focus on his hands.  They relaxed a little as he took a few moments. His face started to relax a little as processed, and his fists finally eased up.

 

“Maybe… maybe you’re right.”

 

“You know, I lost my boyfriend in a tragic car accident when I was about seven years older than you are now.  I had a photo of him in my dorm room, one of us together, happy. I kept it up for the first few days I was there.  But it got too painful seeing his face whenever I would wake up, knowing that I couldn’t be with him anymore. So I moved the frame putting it face down.  I knew the photo was there, I just didn’t want it staring at me.”

 

“I’m really sorry you lost your boyfriend, Miss Swan.”

 

“So am I kid, he was a good man.  The best kinda man. But you know, just like I lost my boyfriend, and you lost your dad, your mom lost her husband too.”  Henry shot her a flummoxed expression. “She’s hurting too, Henry. She just doesn’t show it in the same way, she’s probably trying to be really strong for you because right now, you really need her to be.”  

 

Henry slowly lowered his gaze to the table, and silence fell between them.  Emma was hoping that Henry would finally be able to see that he wasn’t the only one who was hurting in this process and that he actually wasn’t alone in the dark with this.  The silence lasted about twenty seconds before the sound of Regina’s heels grew closer, echoing in the hallway outside.

 

“Right you two,” Regina started as she approached the table.  Dinner will be here in around twenty to thirty minutes. In the meantime,” she said, taking a seat at the dining table.  We all need to have a talk about how we are going to manage your schooling, Henry.”

 

“Home five minutes and already talking about school.”  Henry rolled his, and used his hands to make out he was shooting himself in the head and his brains were splattering everywhere.

 

“Y _ou_ expressed concern over your school work, did you not?”

 

“Yeah” he replied screwing his face up for a moment before continuing “I just didn’t want mountains of homework and classroom work to do in one go.”

 

“Well then, we need to discuss it."  Regina turned her attention toward Emma.  "Now Miss Swan, I know this is an unusual request of a parent to make to a teacher, I mentioned it earlier today and I’m just wondering if you’ve given any further thoughts on staying here whilst Henry is recuperating?”

 

“I hadn’t yet, but…”

 

“Oh please Miss Swan?  Please say you’ll stay?”  Henry begged, locking his fingers into each other as if he were praying for a miracle.

 

“I dunno kid, kinda weird for a teacher to be staying in your home isn’t it?”

 

“You’re not just any teacher though.  You saved my life!”

 

“Hardly life saving kid, your foot was trapped, that’s all.”

 

“Nonsense!”  Regina piped up.  “A child could die quickly in the cold without food, water or shelter.  You absolutely did save his life, so don’t play down your successful rescue mission. I’m very thankful that you saved my son.  Giving you a room rent free and paying you a wage for tutoring is the least I could do. You won’t have to cook dinner every night, you can get on with the tutoring and grading papers if you need to.  And you won’t be staying with your parents in that tiny apartment, hearing all sorts of things you’d rather not.”

 

“You mean like babies crying?”  Emma said, compensating for the lack of context Regina gave in that scenario, whilst knowing full well she meant hearing her parents going at it whenever they felt like it and being scarred for life.

 

“Yes, of course, I meant crying babies.”  

 

“Well, I guess it would be helping me out a bit financially to live somewhere and not have to pay rent or cook.  I’d be a fool to turn it down.”

 

“So is that a yes?”  Henry said with a hopeful grin.

 

“Yes yes okay, but seriously you don’t need to be so formal here.  You can call me, Miss Swan for when I’m in the school, and Emma when I’m here.  Both of you. Okay?”

 

Henry let out a resounding ‘yes’ as he grabbed the air with his fist!  Emma smiled at his enthusiasm, and noticed out the corner or her eye that Regina smiling too.  She made eye contact with her and the Mayors smile began to grow a little more. She seemed to be relieved that Emma had said yes, at least, that’s what Emma wanted to think.  

 

“I’ll get the spare room ready this evening for you.”

 

“Uh… quick question mom,”  Henry interjected, “where am I going to sleep?  I won’t be able to get up all of those stairs by myself.”

 

“Oh that’s a good point Henry.  I guess you’ll have to have the downstairs guest room for the time being, especially as it has an en suite.”  She assured him before turning her attention to Emma. “The guest room upstairs is smaller but doesn’t have an en suite, so you’ll have to use the main bathroom, I hope that’s okay with you?”

 

“That’s perfectly fine with me yeah, I’ll get my stuff from my folks and come back later tonight, if that’s okay?”

 

“Of course…”  The sound of doorbell interrupted Regina and she excused herself to answer it.  Emma wondered how Henry was feeling after the conversation they’d had. She had hoped that maybe she helped in some way, but remained within the realm of reality that Henry’s grief was going to take some time before he would find himself able to make peace with it and move on, instead of being stuck in a cycle of perpetually hurting himself and his mother.

 

“So… you okay?  After our conversation I mean?”

 

“Yeah, I will be.  And it’s gonna be great having you around… we needed a hero.”

 

“Hey, your mom’s a hero too y’know.  You just don’t see it yet. But you will, I promise…. You will.”

 

***

 

Dinner, for the first time in long time, was pleasant.  Emma’s presence was a breath of fresh air in the house. Henry seemed to adore her.   _Of course he adores her she saved his life._  Regina said to herself as she watched them talk about their favourite Saturday morning cartoons.  Regina smiled listening to Emma’s retell of a Phineas and Ferb episode in between taking bites of her pizza.  She chuckled quietly as Emma did a great impersonation of Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz and trying hard not to talk with her mouth full but occasionally slipping up.  The lack of table manners meant nothing to Regina at this moment because for once, this house had laughter and light within it. It was a refreshing change.

 

As the night went on, and Regina watched Emma and Henry engaging in light hearted tomfoolery, Regina found herself fascinated at this beautiful blonde woman who had entered their lives and brought so much light into it with her.  She wanted to learn more about Emma,but for now, she just watched her building a great rapport with Henry. Her occasional childlike qualities were strange to Regina being as she felt totally disconnected with her own inner child, nevertheless she found this quality in Emma quite endearing, and Henry clearly appreciated her presence.

 

Regina had been in awe of their bonding and how naturally it came to Emma  She became aware that she had been sitting quietly smiling and at them for some time, thankfully, neither of them had been aware of her lack of conversation.  She checked her phone that had been sitting on the table beside her, and was shocked to see how late it had got already.

 

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Regina interrupted, “but it’s getting late.  You’ve got five minutes until bedtime young man.”

 

“Oh Mom, do I have to?”

 

“Yes you do, and you need to have some pain medication before you go to sleep.  You’ll see Emma in the morning.”

 

“But it’s not too late, just another hour please?”

 

“No...”  Regina stood firm on her words as Henry pushed the boundaries.

 

“Okay what about thirty minutes?”

 

“No, you’ve just wasted one minute of the 5 minutes I gave you, do you want to keep this up and lose them all?”

 

“No but…”

 

“But nothing!  You have the remaining four minutes, and then you’ll be saying goodnight to Miss… Saying goodnight to Emma.”  Regina noticed Emma shooting her a tight lipped smile.

 

“I have to agree with your mom on this one, kid.  It’s getting late, your medication will make you feel drowsy so the best place for you is in a nice warm bed.  And i promise, I’ll be here in the morning. I gotta grab some stuff from my mom’s house, but I’ll be back tonight and you’ll see me for breakfast, okay?

 

“Okay, okay.”  Henry’s little defeated voice was not what Regina was expecting.  She had anticipated some anger, some resistance and screaming, but definitely not compliance.  Yes, Emma Swan really was someone that Henry needed in his life.

 

“Thank you Henry.”  Regina began, “I really appreciate this behaviour.”  She added, uncharacteristically added to her gratitude.  She had remembered what Doctor Hopper had advised about praising Henry’s efforts no matter how small they seem in their last family therapy session.  Henry nodded in acknowledgement, though it seemed he had either forgotten to communicate the response that he had been asked to, which would’ve acknowledge his mother’s gratitude and praise.  Regina didn’t remind him, she didn’t want to rock the boat right now. She was just happier that he had been happier this evening than of late. And she watched him give Emma a hug and say goodnight.

 

Regina took control of his wheelchair as he still needed a lot of practice to become good at maneuvering around furniture.  Wheeling him carefully out into the hallway she applied the brakes and half squatted in front of him to get to his eye level.

 

“I’m just going to see Emma to the door, then I’ll tuck you into bed and give you your pain meds, okay Henry?”

 

“Can’t Emma come and tuck me in as well, Mom?  Please?

 

Regina looked up to Emma who was stood beside him.  She had hoped the look was enough of an invitation to the bedtime routine but then decided really she should ask Emma if she wouldn’t mind.  Emma obliged to the invitation, and the two women aced as a team with getting Henry into bed. It was just as well Henry had asked because Regina realised when it came to transferring Henry, that although she was fairly strong physically, she had nothing on Emma.  Those muscular biceps she had seen the first time she met this teacher were more than just an aesthetic. After carefully placing Henry into bed, and giving him his medication, emma sat with him on one side of the guest room bed, and Regina sat with him on the other side, stroking his hair, singing him a gentle soothing lullaby until he fell asleep. Something she hadn’t done in a while.

 

The two women quietly crept out of the guest room, and headed for the front door.  Regina opened the closet to take out Emma’s red leather jacket, grabbing the spare key from the key hooks.  She didn’t want to say goodbye to Emma, and realistically she didn’t have to. She would be back within an hour or so.  She wasn’t sure what to say to see her out, and a kiss on the cheek would be too soon. _Oh just play it by ear Regina, it’s not like you’re dating her!_  She thought, and handed Emma her jacket.

 

“Thank you so much for this evening, Emma.  I’ve not seen Henry this happy in a long time.  For the first time in two years, this house felt like a home, and some of that had to do with you.”

 

“Oh… I, um…”

 

“It’s okay Emma you don’t need to say anything about it.  I’m just pleased that you were here and that this evening happened.  How long will you be? I’m wondering if we could perhaps we could have that talk about your situation with some wine and perhaps watch a movie afterwards if we have time to settle you in?

 

“I’m not sure.  It won’t take long to get my things together, I really don’t have that much.  It’s my parents. It might take a while to explain about the situation… they don’t know about what happened between me and Killian, so this could be quite a shock for them to know why he’s looking for me. I don’t know how they will take it.”

 

“Okay,”  Regina said pausing for a moment.  I’ll give you the spare key. Text me or call me to let me know when you’ll be back.  If I don’t respond I’ve fallen asleep, feel free to let yourself in and lock the door behind you.”  Handing her the key to her home was probably the first time she’s ever truly trusted anyone for the past couple of years.  It was a huge deal for Regina.

 

“Sure I’ll let you know as soon as I do.  And just so you know, I think you’re a pretty amazing mom.”

 

“Really?  Regina asked, wondering just what Emma saw tonight that was amazing to her.

 

“Yeah, you are.”  She confirmed. Regina felt Emma’s hand gently hold her am just above her elbow for a moment.  Regina’s heart seemed to be skipping beats at Emma’s touch like a mild panic that she was miraculously containing.  Sheriff Graham had made this same tactile gesture when she was distressed, and she didn’t react this way to his touch.  But when Emma did it, it was like her skin was being mildly electrocuted, much like the tingles she got from electrical BDSM play she’s had in the past with Mal, her ex before Daniel.  It had been quite some time since she had woman having this effect on her, but at the same time it was also very different. With Mal it was a relationship that wasn’t meant to go any further.  But with Emma, seeing her tonight with Henry and how good she was with him something click. She realised at feeling Emma’s touch that she didn’t want her to stop touching her. But she did. Emma’s arm dropped as she opened the door.

 

“I’ll be back soon.”  She said as she left, and Regina, head resting against the door, watched he get into her vintage yellow bug, and drive away.  When Emma was out of her sight, she closed the door quietly, and leant her back against it, looking up at the ceiling before closing her eyes.

 

 _I find her attractive._ She admitted to herself.   _I find a straight girl attractive and I can’t stop thinking about her.  I don’t even_ **_want_ ** _to stop thinking about her._  She reminisced of moments she’s had with Emma.  There were really only a few to speak of but those moment held so much significance to how she came to this point of realising her affection towards her.   _Why?  Why is it the first person I feel something for is a woman!  I have to push these feelings down. Even if she was bisexual too or even gay, and we did get together,it would only end in tears.  Henry would never understand. I’m not sure if he would want another father figure in his life, but he almost certainly wouldn’t want another mother figure.  Just push it down, forget about this. She’s straight anyway. Let it go Regina. Let it go._  On that thought she headed over to the decanter, poured herself a glass of apple cider and went to sit in the living room.

 

The glasses from the afternoon were still sitting on the coffee table.  Placing her glass down, she picked up the glasses and she noticed Emma’s lip had been imprinted on the glass perfectly.   _She must have been wearing Chapstick.  I wonder what flavour she uses,_ Regina said to herself before shaking her head dismissing thoughts that were leading her to imagine kissing Emma to find out the flavour she used.  She took the glasses into the kitchen and washed them up, and cleared the dining table from the pizza boxes, before settling herself in the living room to watch some TV shows.  She needed a distraction… it wasn’t helping.

 


	12. An Organized Exit

Emma had got to her parents as fast as she could.  It was already gone eight o’clock, it was getting late, and she didn’t want Regina staying up too late.  Despite having a key, it didn’t feel right to just let herself in just yet. So she wanted to be quick. She let herself into her parents apartment and found them both on the couch in the living room.  Her mom was laying on her dad’s lap. She looked pretty tired as he was holding her.

 

“Mom, Dad, we need to talk.  She said as she entered the room.  Mary Margaret shot up and they both looked at Emma with concern.  Are you okay? What’s going on?

 

“I haven’t been completely honest with you about what happened between me and Killian.  I didn’t leave him because he was an asshole. I left him because he was a narcissistic abusive asshole with a drinking problem.”

 

“Emma, what happened?”  Mary Margaret asked, the rosiness in her cheeks fading and being replaced with a worried expression.

 

Emma wanted to tell them everything that happened so they knew how dangerous Killian was.  But at the same time, she didn’t want her mother to panic and be up all night every night worried that he might turn up at their door.  And she couldn’t figure out how to tell them that she severed his hand during a fight after he attempted to sexually assault her. There was only so much pity and heartbreak she could cause her parents without feeling their hurt over not being there for her.

 

“Emma, what the hell is going on just tell us!”  Her father insisted getting up off the couch with her mother following behind her.

 

“Okay so you know I left Killian, right?”

 

“Yes...”  Mary Margaret started before Emma interrupted her.

 

“Well you don’t know why but I need to tell you now.  He hurt me. Physically and mentally. He hurt me a lot and it took me a long time to deal with it.  Emma’s voice was shaking as much as she was through her tears. She didn’t ever want them to know the full story.  Even now, without even being physically present, Killian had her backed into a corner.

 

“Oh Emma come here my darling girl.”  Mary Margaret’s embrace was the perfect place for Emma to sob.  It had been a long time since she relied on her parents for anything, but their cooperation now was imperative to keeping herself and them safe from harm.

“He was just so abusive mom, he wasn’t like that when we first got together.  He messed me up more than when I was messed up over Neal.” her tears and sniffs as she cried in her mother’s arms were like that of a small child.  She felt her father’s hand on her head, stroking her hair, trying to comfort her as she cried.

 

“Emma you did the right thing in leaving.  Staying would have only hurt you further.” Her father’s soft tone to his voice was as comforting as her mother’s arms.

 

“I couldn’t tell you I was leaving Boston after it happened.  I let you think I was still safe and well there all that time, but I was actually living in New York in a friend’s cheap, shitty, little apartment on her couch.  Then she had to leave for a while and sublet her apartment to me. That’s why I kept telling you not to not to visit me and that I was too busy with work which was partly true.”  She said, gently breaking away from her mother’s embrace. I don’t know how he’s found me or my number, but he’s text me. I kept his number stored just in case this was to happen.  I’m scared he might know where you live, or whether he’s found out where I’m working now somehow…”

 

“Hey hey hey…”  David said as he pulled Emma in and held her and Mary Margaret held onto them both.  “We’ll figure something out, we’ll find somewhere you can rent. He won’t know where you are.”

 

“Why do you think I changed my last name, Dad?”  Emma send, moving out of the hug. I was trying to hide from him and he still found me!  He’ll find me here and he’ll find me anywhere I’m registered to.” 

 

“Emma I had no idea, I thought it was for your job.  I’m sorry I didn’t ask. But we will find a way to keep you safe.”

 

“What do you help do you need to from us?”  Mary Margaret said, her face implying she was ready to get organised and take action.

 

“Okay so I’m going to be tutoring Henry Mills on the evenings at the Mayor’s house.  We got talking about my situation, me and Regina I mean, Henry obviously doesn’t know about Killian.   She saw my reaction to the texts I got from him saying he was heading here. She’s offered to have me stay at her home…

 

“Wait, what?  Mary Margaret seemed shocked to hear this development.  “Regina? The same Regina who turned up at our home and bit my head off not that long ago?  The one who called me an idiot to my face and yours at my own doorstep? That Regina? She’s letting you stay in her home?”

 

“Yes Mom!”  Emma said, mildly irritated by her mom’s harsh implications that Regina was a total bitch.  “You’d have done the same thing as her if what happened with Henry had happened to me as a kid, or if it were to happen with Neal when he got older.  So how about we drop judgment?”

 

“I just want to make sure you’re safe, Emma.  And I don’t know her all that well as she doesn’t allow anyone into her life.  You’d be the first since I’ve known her. Apart from Robin. He got friendly with her and then one day she just started blanking him.  He won’t tell me why, but she seems to blow hot and cold, and right now you need stability.”

 

“Right now I need a roof over my head quick.  Because I don’t know when Killian will arrive here.  I know you’re looking out for me mom, and I appreciate that, but this is the best way to have me untraceable for now, at least in my personal life.”  

 

“Is Regina able to offer you any protection as the Mayor of Storybrooke?”  David asked crossing his arms. She’ll have some influence on the Sheriff and police department here.”

 

“I’ll be discussing that with her tonight.  She has a powerful commanding influence in this town.  So maybe that’s possible. I’ll let you know what the plan is when I know.  Right now I have to get my things.”

 

“Make sure you do let us know.  What should I do if he turns up here?”

 

“Play ignorant.  You don’t know where I am.  I disappeared and you haven’t got a forwarding address for me.  And if he tries to get it out of you keep repeating the same thing.”

 

“Got it.”  He said, his hands on his hips and his chest a little puffed out.  He seemed prepared to take matters into his own hands should that situation occur, and Emma was not going to discourage him to hold back.

 

“Mom, I need you to change my name into something else at school.  That way I won’t be searchable at work. Also remove my name from the school’s website, social media, everything you can think of.  Leave no possible connection to me.”

 

“It has to be edited from the school’s intranet system and we can’t access that remotely.  I’ll get into the school first thing in the morning and start making the changes.”

 

“Can you not go now to do it?  You have the keys.”

 

“I could but you’ll have to watch Neal.  I don’t feel safe on the school grounds in the dark on my own so I need your father to come with me..”

 

“I promised Henry I’d be with him for breakfast.  How long will it take?”

 

“Maybe 30 minutes to change everything and then I can come home.  The school isn’t too far so I’d say about an hour to get there get it done and be back home.”

 

“It’s nine o’clock.  Emma said after glancing at the clock on the wall.  “Okay go, I’ll watch Neal.”

 

“He’s asleep anyway but if he wakes up, there’s some formula in the kitchen in the top cupboard next to the refrigerator.  If he needs changing the diapers are by the changing station in my room, use the cream that’s there on his bottom, he’s got a diaper rash at the moment.”

 

“Okay no worries.  Thanks for doing this you guys.  I love you.”

 

“We love you too.”  They said in unison as they hurried out the door.  Emma watched them leave from the window.

 

***

 

“That’s it mummy and daddy.”  A sinister male British voice said quietly whilst emerging from behind the shadows of one of many trees across the street from the apartment  “leave your precious Swan alone, and I’ll have my revenge.”

 

“And how do you plan to do that dearie?”  Not expecting to be seen on this quiet street let alone hear someone address him, Killian shot a look towards the location of the voice. 

 

“Who’s there?  Killian whispered aggressively.  He couldn’t see anyone at first. A parked door flew open, and stepping out with his cane was an older, scrawny looking man.  Killian looked him up and down. The slender older man wore a black suit, had long slightly unkempt hair almost reaching his shoulders, and crocodile skin shoes on his feet.  The man walked towards him, using his cane to steady his mildly limp leg as he walked.

 

“Who the bloody ‘hell are you?”  Uncomfortable at the presence of this creepy man before him, Killian wanted to appear as if he wasn’t creeped out at all.

 

“Exactly what business do you have with getting revenge on Miss Nolan?”

 

“You mean Miss Swan, that’s apparently her name now.  And what business is it of yours old man?”

“Because if it’s revenge ye want dearie, I can help ya.  That girl cost me to lose the thing I loved most, my son.  I’d be glad to see justice served.”

 

“You’re Neal’s father.”  Killian deduced. “And you want to help me get revenge on Emma?”

 

“Aye, I’m Neal’s father.  And I wanna help you get your revenge and mine.”  Killian thought about this man’s motive. He knew from Emma’s story that Gold was the mayor at the time of Neal’s death.  Emma told him of the threat he made to her when she left town, and of a few shady dealings Neal had been privy to and shared with her.  He knew that men like corrupt men in power like Gold who spent most of their lives running the town with fear, weren’t to be messed with; but he also knew corrupt men would have a steep price for their shady assistance.  

 

“Why would I need your help?”  He asked

 

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because you’re unfamiliar with this town.  Take a good look at the car across the street next to the yellow bug.”  Killian obliged to see where Gold was headed with this. “That is the Sheriff in an unmarked police car.  Now, had you, a stranger to this small town, gone marching over to that apartment building with that shiny hook prosthetic, looking like you’ve stepped straight off of a pirate ship and you’re on land for a vendetta, don’t you think that Sheriff would shoot you down?  Believe me he would!” Killian looked away from the Sheriff, defeated already and angry. “Like it or not dearie, you know of nobody in this town or what power they hold. You need me.”

 

“And what do you want with her?

 

“I asked you first, Pirate.”

 

“I’m not a pirate!  I’m Killian Jones, Emma’s ex boyfriend.  And this…” He started, holding his hook towards Gold’s face.  This is what she did to me!” Gold didn’t even flinch at the hook, he just stared Killian right in his eyes, and pushed the hook away from him and moved in closer to keep his voice quiet.  His lack of fear was unnerving for Killian. Most people feared him or loved his false persona enough not to fear him.

 

“I’m gonna call you Hook seeing as you love to use it to strike fear into people, but that doesn’t work with me.”

 

“Okay crocodile is what I’ll call you, seeing as my hook is about as scary to you as your crocodile shoes are to me.  We’ve established terms of endearment, now what? A waltz under the moonlight?” Killian was losing his patience with the impish little man and his sarcasm was increasing the more impatient he grew.

 

“I’ve been watching Miss No… Miss Swan since I discovered she had returned to Storybrooke, waiting for the right opportunity to exact my revenge.  Little does she know I have eyes and ears all over this town.” He said pointing towards the tree that Killian had emerged from. “Take a closer look.”

 

Killian didn’t want to turn away from this man.  He didn’t trust him. But he did want to see what he was going on about.  He reluctantly and slowly turned towards the tree and moved a little closer.

 

“What exactly am I looking for, Crocodile?”

 

“Look at the trunk, and then move upwards, you’ll find it.”

 

Killian did as he was instructed, and found a small camera placed inside a hole in the trunk.  He turned back to Gold who was standing there with a smug grin on his face.

 

“Secret surveillance?”  He asked. 

 

“Aye lad, that’s why I know so much about that pretty little ex of yours.  I’ve planted cameras and audio bugs all over Storybrooke, including places that Emma has gone to.  Including the homes of everyone in this town. She’s become very pally with the Madam Mayor who now runs this place… under my command.”

 

A malevolent smile crept across Killian’s face.  Maybe this man was more of a kindred spirit. He’s deviousness and planning suggests he has the smarts to pull off revenge.  Maybe teaming up with him would help. Better to have Gold on side than not.

 

“You win Crocodile.  What do you want me to do?”

 

“First thing’s first, get in the car.”


	13. No Guts, No Glory

It was ten-fortyfive and Emma was sat on the couch with her bags packed on the floor beside her.  Her right leg was restless, bobbing up and down at great speed from the ball of her foot. Her baby brother began crying after she had packed her bags.  She tended to his needs; a feed, changed his diaper making sure to use the cream on him that her mom told her to use, and soothed him back off to sleep. She wanted to call Regina or text her to let her know she wouldn’t be long, but she realised that she hadn’t taken her number, and she didn’t want the embarrassment of asking her mother who would no doubt have given her a lecture about moving into a woman she realistically doesn’t know all that well, who hasn’t even given her a contact number.

 

She was too energised with impatience and headed to the window to see if they were coming down the street.  No sign of anyone. She replaced the blind to its former position. And begin to pace the floor, her fist clenched to her mouth, and her thumb poking through her lips as if she were sucking on it like a child, but she was biting on it in the same restless way her leg was.   _Where are they?_ She wondered, the frustration getting the better of her.  She tried calling both of her parents and both cell phones went straight to voicemail.  Not only was she worrying about getting back to Regina’s but she was also anxious in case Killian showed up whilst he was there alone with Neal.  She didn’t want a repeat of what happened.

 

Baby Neal was around the same age as Devan when Emma had to give him up for adoption.  Being alone in the apartment just her and her baby brother was triggering for her, she hadn’t thought this through.  She started thinking about all the ways she could get her and baby Neal to safety should Killian knock on the door. There was a peephole, so she could quietly wander over to peek, but she’d risk the creaky floorboards beneath her feet giving her away.  Some of them were loud. There was a fire escape. Neal’s baby sling was hanging up on the coat stand, perhaps she could get him in that without panicking and get down the fire escape before Killian would try breaking the door down…

 

Emma was interrupted by the sound of her phone vibrating in her back pocket.  She must have mindlessly put it there as she was pacing but hadn’t been consciously aware.  It was a number she didn’t recognise, but the start of the message gave her some relief. She saw the words, “Emma, it’s Regina I called your mother to…”  She clicked on the message and saved the number so she had it to hand.

 

_Emma, it’s Regina.  You’ve had me worried, you’ve been gone for well over an hour.  I called your mother to see where you were, & she explained everything.  She gave me your number and told me to tell you they’re almost finished. They’ll be with you soon.  Hurry home… safely! x _

 

The message was fairly simple, but that single ‘X’ at the end was a shorthand kiss.   _What does that mean?  Was it a kiss on the cheek or lips?  Why am I even asking this question? What do I want the kiss to be?  Cheek or lips? BOTH!_

 

Emma looked back over her two relationships and the few one night stands she’d had.  She loved Neal, but it was an immature love. A love that didn’t really grow very much apart from in friendship.  It was more platonic and habitual, and although they were sexually active, there wasn’t much in terms of urgency or even desire for her to sleep with him.  It felt better when Neal used his hands instead.

 

With Killian he was extremely lustful, to the point where it felt like pressurised obligation.  There were times she gave in and let him do as he pleased despite not being in the mood or wanting to because the guilt trips would be heavy on her.   _“If you loved me you’d let me fuck you”_ was something Killian would often say when she wasn’t in the mood.  He would get annoyed and express his frustrated through his teeth whenever Elsa walked into the dorm room without noticing that sock that had been placed on the handle (code for stay out until will we’re finished) had fallen onto the floor.  Sex with Killian wasn’t exactly great either. He was more interested in satisfying his own needs than trying to satisfy Emma in anyway, and still expected praise and gratification for it.

 

 _Ugh what did I ever see in that guy?_  She asked herself already knowing the answer.  It was fear of being alone, and being alone responsible for a baby.  The the one night stands she recalled after she had settled in New York were pretty similar.  She had moments where she felt too alone and would go out for a night on the town, pull some random guy, have meaningless sex, then tell him to leave.  She hadn’t been sexually satisfied by any of these men, ever. It just help pacify the loneliness. But she had been closer to her childhood best friend, Lily than any of these men.  Maybe if they’d not fallen out so epically back then, something might have developed.

 

She recalled being more affectionate towards Elsa over Killian at times too and had such a great time when it was just the two of them.   _They were fun to be around…_  she just to justify… but it was no good.  Her mind had opened itself and the truth was staring at her plain as day.   _Fuck, maybe I am gay… and maybe I need to remove the maybe from that sentence!_

 

Emma wanted to reply, but everything she thought of to say didn’t feel right.  Even a simple ‘okay thanks’ didn’t sound right. _When I go back I’ll see how I feel when I’m around her more.  There’s a possibility that this is just some phase or something right?  Who am I kidding? I know being gay isn’t a phase._    _Maybe I’m bisexual… Oh I don’t know!_ Now was not the right time to contemplate this.  Killian could be on his way right now so she needed to focus on getting out of there, leaving no trace of herself behind.

 

She heard a vehicle pull up outside and took a quick look out of the window.  Sure enough it was her parents, Emma breathed a sigh of relief to see them. _Okay Emma you can do this…. You got this!_ As weird and as scary it seemed to face herself as well as Regina, she had to know for sure if this attraction to her was more than platonic.  It was time.

 

Her parents walked through the door and told Emma that everything was done, she thanked them for their support, and told them she loved them and would check in with them every day so they had peace of mind.  She hugged them, picked up her bags, and headed out to her car, ready to start a new chapter in her life story.

 

***

 

Regina had taken the hour to have a shower, remove all of her make up, and put on her her bedtime wear.  Usually she would sleep naked as one of her rules for Henry, and for her, was to knock on a closed door before entering a room.  But with Emma coming back, she figured she would have to wear something. The night wear drawer consisted of satin camisoles and matching shorts.  She had selected the dark grey ones, and wore a robe that matched. The only thing that didn’t match were her white fluffy slipper socks she wore with them.  The nights were becoming much colder and with her wooden flooring she needed something to keep her feet warm.

 

 _What’s taking her so long?  Her parents were on their way back.  Why isn’t she here yet?_ She ventured into the kitchen, had a look in the fridge to see what wines she had available when it occurred to her that she hadn’t asked Emma what her preference in wine was.  

 

“What the hell is wrong with you, Regina?”   She asked herself aloud. “First you don’t give her your cell phone number and ask her to call you, then you didn’t ask her preference.  It’s not like you to be so absent minded or inconsiderate.” She decided to go with a Chardonnay and a Rosé Zinfandel. Seeing as she like both, Emma could pick one.  She placed the bottles carefully into an ice bucket, and used the ice maker on her refrigerator. She carried the full ice bucket and a couple of wine glasses into the living room and placed them on the coffee table.  The white marble fireplace was lit with just a few logs for just a small amount of flames, and everything was set. All she needed was for Emma to come home.

 

 _Huh… Had Emma been inclined to dating women, this would’ve made a cozy night in._  Regina said to herself, laughing the thought off dismissively.   _“I’ve gotta stop thinking like this.  She straight. Let it go._

 

“Regina?”  She hadn’t heard the front door but she could hear Emma making her way into the house.  

 

“In here… the living room.”  Regina watched for Emma coming in, but she didn’t exactly.  She poked her head around the door. Emma poked her head around the door instead.

 

“Hi!  Sooooo, where’s the guest room at?  I don’t wanna clutter up your hallway.”

 

“Of course, sorry Emma I don’t know what’s wrong with me this evening.  I’ll take you upstairs and show you to your room.” Regina got up from the couch, her robe falling open, revealing her cleavage, causing her to cover her breasts by rewrapping it tighter around her before tying the belt.  She wasn’t bothered by Emma seeing so much of her, it was more habitual than anything else. She caught sight of Emma’s face, she was subtly biting her bottom lip, but it was enough for Regina to clock it. _Shit, I hope I haven’t embarrassed her._ She said to herself.   _Welcome to your new home and here’s the welcoming gift, an eyeful of my boobs._  At least her inner voice was making a joke about it.  

 

“So… uh… This is my stuff.”  Emma said, sounding rather shy and quite possibly embarrassed.  At least that’s how Regina took it.

 

“Wow, just two suitcases and a box?  That’s it?”

 

“Yup.  I don’t tend to put down roots.  I move around a lot, or at least I have done since leaving Storybrooke.  Got nothing and nobody really tying me down.” She

said picking up her suitcases.  “Could you grab the box for me?”

 

“Of course.”  Regina bent down to pick the box up, it was a bit heavier than she anticipated but she managed all the same.  “Up the stairs” She said, raising her eyebrows in place of her hands to direct her.

 

“After you Madam Mayor.”  Emma’ smirk broke out into a cheeky grin.  She resembled a five year old being cheeky to her mommy thinking she was being funny.  Her demeanour made Regina smile and shake her head in disbelief at how Emma could be serious and supportive, but also playful when she wanted to be.

 

“Emma, this is your home now.  It might not feel like it but it will be, at least for the next six months or so.  We’re friends now... right?”

 

“Yeah, I mean you’re helping me out.  That’s what friends do for each other so yeah, I’d say so.”

 

“Good.  So dear, less of the _‘Madam Mayor.’  There’s no need for formalities in the home.”_ She assured Emma as they climbed the stairs.  

 

Upon getting to the top, Regina made a left turn to an open door, turning the light on before she entered.  She set the box down on the dressing table opposite the king size bed, and ushered Emma in.

 

“Wow!  This looks so much cozier than my mom’s apartment!”  Emma exclaimed.

 

The bed was against a feature wall of white roses against a cream background.  The bed itself was French chic, with plump pillows and duvet in a cream bedding, and French chic side tables were either side of it.  One wall boasted a large sliding door mirrored wardrobe. Regina knew that this wouldn’t be Emma’s style at all. She came from parents who have a rustic looking apartment, she drove a vintage yellow volkswagen beetle, she was stood in this room wearing a beanie hat that her blonde curls hung from, wearing a red leather jacket, a thin sweater underneath it, blue jeans and she would have had a pair of boots on, but Regina guessed that she must have taken them off by the front door.  Emma Swan was far from chic. Yet she was beautiful nevertheless.

 

“You like it?  I mean I know it’s probably not how you would choose to decorate a room if you owned the house but…”

 

“No no, it’s perfect.  Sure it wouldn’t be my first choice, but it’s nice and the bed!  It looks super cozy. Beats my mom’s couch and the single spare bed in Neal’s room that’s for sure!”  Regina watched Emma sit down on the bed. She smiled as she slowly sank into the soft mattress. “Memory foam! Aaaaahhhhhh I’m in Heaven!”  She said, throwing her back down onto it. “Yaaaassss I’m home! You won’t get rid of me now!”

 

“Well it’s your home now as long as you need it to be.”  Regina smiled and chuckling at Emma, who seemed to be pretending to be making snow angels on her bedding.  She didn’t want to get rid of her. The more she was around Emma, the more she smiled. It had been a long time since anyone had ever made Regina smile the way Emma does.

 

“You might just have me stay forever.”  Emma said as she sat up. “I’ll save the unpacking for later.  Shall we go for that chat and watch a movie?

 

“Yes, I’ve picked a movie.  I don’t know if it’s any good but we’ll give it a try. C’mon downstairs.”  With that Emma shot up and took off her jacket and followed Regina downstairs.

 

“Whilst you were at your parent’s apartment, I took the liberty of arranging some protection for you.  Sheriff Graham has organised a schedule for police officers to be near you at all times. There is a cop in an unmarked car just outside at this very moment, and you probably didn’t see him.

 

“No, I didn’t.”

 

“You probably didn’t see Sheriff Graham in an unmarked car outside your parent’s apartment building either, and that’s okay, they’re trained to blend in.  You will be followed to work, and from there the school is pretty secure, but there will be an officer who will escort you to your car and bring you here. This is temporary until we find a better solution.  I should see if I can hire a bodyguard for you.”

 

“I hope it doesn’t come to that.”  Emma said as the reached the bottom of the stairs.  “But thank you, for everything.” Regina face softened at Emma’s gratitude.  “I’ll just put my jacket away, and I’ll be with you.” _Would be nice to be WITH you_ Reina imagined responding.

 

“Great I’ll pour the wine.  White or Rosé?”

 

“Rosé please.  I’m an inbetweener when it comes to wine.  Don’t do white or red.”

 

Regina nodded and headed into the living room whilst Emma put her jacket away.  Emma seemed to be settling in with ease which pleased her. Perhaps if it became home to Emma she might not want to leave.  As she sat down and started pouring the wine, a little tinkling sound came from her cell phone, a reminder notification, reminding her that on the same dy next week was Henry's Hypnotherapy, and the meeting that Gold wanted Regina to support. 

 

 

“Damn it!”  Regina exclaimed.

 

“You didn’t spill any did you?”  Emma asked, walking into the room taking her new place on the sofa beside Regina.

 

“What?  No. I totally forgot I have an important meeting to attend next week and Henry has an appointment the same day at 5pm in Williamsburg with the hypnotherapist.  It’s an hour away from my meeting. Dr Hopper thought it would be a good idea to give it a try a while ago. It took months to get Henry that appointment and I know if I try changing it we’ll be waiting another couple of months.  I don’t know how long this meeting will be.”

 

“Well… I could take him?”

 

“You shouldn’t have to Emma he’s _my_ son, and my responsibility.  I should’ve been more organised and checked when I accepted the appointment.”  She sighed as she spoke. Lately it seemed like she had the world on her shoulders and was just so exhausted with life all the time.  She needed a vacation, but that wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

 

“Hey, hey, it’s gonna be okay.  Go to the meeting, if you need me to, I’ll call you out of the meeting on urgent town matters or something.  You can do both, maybe not all the meeting bt some is better than none of it.”

 

“You’re right.  They can fire me if they want I don’t really care much anymore.  Let’s watch the movie.” Regina said, pressing play on the remote.  She felt nervous to see Emma’s reaction because she had chosen this movie purposefully, hope it would spark a conversation about sexuality and whether or not she was that way inclined.  Maybe then if she knew once and for all that Emma was straight, then perhaps she could completely let go instead of having her mind wander to the possibility of being with her.

 

“So what’s it about?”  Emma asked as she sat back, fussing over the cushions making herself comfortable.

 

“It’s about a woman married to a mobster, who takes an opportunity to screw him over financially with a little help from the new neighbour, a recently released ex con, employed as the new superintendent of the apartment building.”

 

“Huh...okay… Bound.” Emma said reading the title as it appeared on the screen.  Regina hid her, turning away for a moment, topping up her wine.

 

“It’s an old favourite of mine.  I watch it when feeling nostalgic about my youth, it’s from 1996.”

 

“Exactly how old are you, Regina?”

 

“Tsk tsk.  You should never ask a woman her age.”  Regina lightly scolded as she sipped her wine with a smile.

 

“Seriously though, I’m twenty eight.  You can’t be much older than me, surely?”

 

“Ahhh the youthful hispanic skin I have makes it almost impossible for you to guess my age based on my appearance.”  She said followed by an almost evil sounding laugh. “I’m twelve years older than you, almost 13 actually.” Regina watched her count on her fingers, another adorably childish quirk Emma had.  The realisation hit and her jaw dropped.”

 

“You’re forty?”

 

“Forty one in just over three months.  Now ssh! Watch the movie!”

 

Emma nodded and relaxed back into the couch.  “I would never have guessed” she muttered before sipping her wine.  Regina made herself cozy, curling up in the corner of this corner group sofa.  The intro had finally broke out into a scene where ex con Corky, eye’s up the voluptuous vixen, Violet in the elevator whilst her husband is right in front of them.

 

“Wait… is she... do they…”

 

“You’ll see,” Regina interrupted.  Just watch.

 

As the movie progressed, Regina found herself not really paying much attention to the movie she’s seen many times.  She was more focused on Emma’s reactions. It got to the sex scene between Corky and Violet and Regina could see Emma was fidgeting a little in her seat like she was trying to get comfortable almost like a teenager not sure if she should watch the sex scene in front of her parents that was about to happen.  The moment Violet guided Corky’s fingers between her legs, Emma’s eyes widened but the rest of her face was expressionless. It was hard for Regina to analyse Emma’s reactions. She was occasionally poking her tongue out licking her lips as the scene went on. The might be a cue or it might be chapped lips, it was getting colder after all.

 

The sex scene finished and the silence was loud.  The atmosphere could only be cut with a chainsaw it felt that thick in the air.  Maybe she was straight after all. A few minutes passed by, Emma sat up a bit, repositioning herself to face Regina.

 

“Why is this one of your favourite movies?”  Her serious face immediately made Regina think that perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea after all.  She paused the movie, uncurled herself, adjusting into a new seating position, one that matched Emma’s need for seriousness.

 

“Well, why do _you_ think I like this movie?”  Regina asked, hoping that Emma would take the lead in this conversation.  She didn’t want to shock her by just coming out to her in a nonchalant fashion.  

 

“I… I don’t know.”

 

“That’s a lie isn’t it?  You have an idea why. You’re tone is telling me that much.  You want me to confirm what you’re thinking, so you don’t have to ask and risk making a fool of yourself.  You wouldn’t be a fool for asking so, why don’t you go ahead and ask?”

 

“And I thought my inner lie detector was good.  Now I see why you’re the mayor of this town. Do you always answer a question with a question?”

 

“Have I done so before in our previous conversations?”

 

“No but you’re doing it now, like a true politician.”

 

“Well that’ll be because you haven’t answered my question.”

 

“You didn’t answer mine though either.”

 

“Okay… You’ve asked me why it’s one of my favourite movies, instead of asking me the question you really want to ask.  It’s okay to ask me Emma, especially when the answer was staring you right in the face.”

 

“You… like women?  Are you… gay?”

 

“There, that wasn’t so difficult now was it.”  She asked rhetorically. “And my answer is both yes and no.”

 

“Huh?”  Emma's perplexed expression caused an awkward giggle reaction from Regina.

 

“Yes I like women, I’m attracted to them platonically, romantically, sexually... in all ways, just as I’m attracted to men in all ways too.  I do actually prefer women. And the reason I like this movie, is that it’s nostalgic for me. Mal, my ex before I met Daniel, I was with her during my teenage years, and this movie was one of many different genres we watched during that time.  It didn’t work out with her, but it is still a time I look back on with fondness. Was there anything else you wanted to ask?”

 

“Does Henry know?”

 

“No, he doesn’t.  I never felt the need to inform him because when we adopted him we were married, and he was a baby, not even a year old.  I figured I would never need to tell him because we would be a family and nothing would break us apart. Funny isn’t it? When we say ‘I do’ we don’t think ‘till death us do part’ will come around so quickly.  We think it’ll be forever. But we are mortal creatures. There’s no such thing as forever, not really.”

 

“I had the same realisation when I lost Neal.  Not that I ever thought we would be together forever,  I was too young to think that far into the future. But I didn’t imagine a life without him.  We have as long as we have and that time is unknown, so we need to live in the moment and enjoy every second of it.

 

“I couldn’t agree more.”

 

“So… how did you know you were bisexual?”

 

“I guess on some level I always knew.  Growing up I knew I wasn’t exactly the same as everyone else at school.  As time went on I realised that the difference was my attraction preferences.  I grew only ever seeing straight couples on TV, never having any lesbian influences… it was a time when anyone who wasn’t straight, would make a home in that proverbial closet, to be safe from verbal and physical abuse from strangers.  So I learned to keep a lot of myself to myself, and only share the real me with people I felt I was safe with.”

 

“Wait, so you feel safe with me?  Is that why you’re telling me?”

 

“Yes.  I mean, we are living together now.  As my housemate and as my friend, you should know so that you’re not shocked should I ever come home with a woman.”  Regina noticed Emma’s expression falling a little. “I don’t think that will happen though. And yes I feel safe around you.”

 

“Even though I chopped my ex boyfriend’s hand off and you’ve had to get police protection organised for me?”

 

“He tried to rape you Emma.”  She said raising an eyebrow You were defending yourself.  He should think himself lucky you didn’t chop his dick off!  I’ll gladly finish the job if he comes anywhere near you!”

 

“No, you won’t!”

 

“Sorry,  Regina said quietly.  Ugh, I just get so angry when I think of what he put you through.  I makes me want to pin him by his throat and rip his heart out, and crush it in front of him as he dies.  But of course, I won’t.” Regina said looking away in shame for even saying such things. The last thing Emma needed was talk of violence after going through that.

 

“Damn right you won’t.  I’m not having you doing a lifetime jail sentence for me.  Henry needs you... And maybe I do too.”

 

Regina made eye contact as soon as she heard those last few words.  “You need me?” She asked. _Is this what I’ve been hoping for?  Is she gonna come out? Oh god! Breathe._

 

“Well yeah, I mean, there was nowhere else I could’ve stayed really.  It wasn’t safe to stay at my parent’s place. And there was no time to look elsewhere.  You’re being a total lifeline for me right now, especially having the extra protection with the police escorts.  I need you because I might be dead right now or within the next few weeks or months if it wasn’t for you. I can’t thank you enough. ”

 

“Oh… well you’re welcome.”  She tried to keep the disappointment out of her mouth.  It was clear that Emma didn’t feel the same way. She didn’t want to make a fool of herself by asking her either, not when it was obvious, but she didn’t feel like watching the movie anymore with her either.

 

“It’s getting late.  I have so much to do in the morning at the office, you have work too…”

 

“You’re right Emma interrupted.  We should go to bed. I mean… well… not together, I mean… you going to your bed, and me going to mine.  I want to finish watching this though,”

 

 _That really couldn’t have sounded any more awkward and heterosexual.  She’s straight._ “Okay, would you turn everything off for me  before you take yourself to bed? She said as she stood up, adjusting her robe.  And put all this in the kitchen too?” She said making a circular motion with her hand around the coffee table.”

 

“Yeah no worries.”

 

“Goodnight Emma.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

Regina took herself upstairs and turned right into her bedroom.  She removed and hung her robe on the hooks as she shut the door, walked over to her bed and fell back onto it.   _Well there you have it.  Now will you leave it alone?_ _She didn’t say what her sexuality was though..._

 

“Enough Brain!  Enough now. Just leave it be.”

 

***

 

_Why the fuck didn’t you tell her you find her attractive you idiot!_

 

Emma’s self berating started the second Regina had left the room.  She wanted to run after her immediately, but her ass was metaphorically frozen stuck onto that couch.   _Who am I kidding?  I’ve never even kissed another woman before!  I’ve never even held another woman’s hand in an intimate way!  I can’t do this can I? No after everything she’s been through in love, losing Daniel like that… Maybe she’s ready to move on?  Maybe not. Besides she didn’t tell me she’s attracted to me… But she didn’t tell me she wasn’t. Why did she show me this movie and tell me?  Was it because she’s interested in me? Maybe she wants to bring another woman home… But what if she_ **_did_ ** _like me like that?_

 

A sigh flew from Emma’s lips as she let her head fall back into the sofa.  Not knowing why Regina chose to tell her this was driving her crazy. There must be a reason...  “Fuck it. _”_ She said before she ran up stairs.   _No guts no glory right?_  She rhetorically asked herself.  She caught her breath and calmed herself then knocked on Regina’s door.  After a few moments, the door opened, and there against the darkness of her bedroom behind her, Regina stood with her blanket wrapped around her obviously naked body.

 

“Can I help you, Miss Swan?”

 

“The movie…”  

 

“What about it?”

 

“You chose it on purpose, it was you’re way of coming out to me wasn’t it?”

 

“Well it’s not like I can randomly slip it in conversation… _“Oh by the way I’m bisexual”..._ might as well have dropped a brick on your head for how blunt forced that trauma would’ve been.”

 

“Why did you want to tell me?  And I want a completely honest answer… I have to know!”  Emma demanded not breaking eye contact with Regina, her breath heavy with anticipation as she was mentally building up the courage she needed to kiss her, whilst presently physically holding herself back waiting for the perfect moment to make that leap.  

 

 

Regina looked her up and down for a moment before opening the door fully, and with caution, closed the gap between them.  Emma’s heart raced so fast she thought it was going to bust through her chest like it had been trapped in a room and finally found it’s freedom after running in and smashing through a glass door. Regina continued scanning Emma from head to toe, like a hungry lioness watching her prey, moving in for the kill slowly.

 

“You want complete and total honesty, Miss Swan?"  Her voice was very much different from any other time she had heard Regina speak.  Her tone was low and sultry. Emma gulped, catching her breath through her nose, her nostrils flaring and her nerves were getting the better of her.  She bit her lip to try and ground her mind.

 

Regina’s smile was slight, the corners of her lip curved upwards, the tip of her tongue between her teeth, her chin raised just enough so her lips were aligned with Emma’s.  Emma wanted her to ravage her there and then, to get the kiss over with so she would finally know if there was any weight to the attraction she felt for her. All of the scenarios she imagined going through her head in that moment, did not prepare her.  Regina purposefully let go of the blanket that had been shielding her body, exposing her nakedness in all its glory.

 

Emma tried remaining strong and respectful, keeping her focus on Regina’s bewitching seductive eyes, trying to fight the urge to look at her naked form, but her eyes were hungry and curious.  She slowly released her bottom lip from her teeth as her mind lost the fight, she glanced down and her perfectly buoyant breasts, noticing her hardened nipples, no longer comforted by the warmth of the blanket to hide them.  Emma realized that she had failed what she had consciously tried so hard not to do and returned her eyes to meet Regina’s. The naked brunette moved in closer to her, alternating her gaze between Emma’s eyes and her lips.

 

“Because, if I’m totally honest, Em-ma…”  she moved in as close as she could get without their faces physically touching, her lips even closer, teasing Emma with promises unspoken.  Regina’s attention softly darted between Emma’s lips and her eyes, as if she were scanning her face memorising every little detail in her expression, lingering with intent and relishing Emma’s reaction.  The desire in Emma made her heart thump against her chest hard and her breath hitch in anticipation. “...from the moment I saw you, the hero who brought my son home to me, I have wanted to **_devour_ ** you.  Emma became very much aware of her arousal pooling in her panties as her pussy clenching hearing those words.  

 

Regina’s lips hovered over Emma’s; lingering, wanting, teasing, waiting for the right moment.  She wanted this, she wanted to let Regina take her. She didn’t want to run or push her away. The energy between them was magnetic.  Polar opposites attracting one another, the confident experienced Madam Mayor pulling the nervous inexperienced elementary school teacher.  Breathing became a shallow intensity between both of them that it was almost like a wordless conversation between their bodies.

 

“What do you want from me, Emma?  Right now, in this moment, what do you want?”  Emma tried to say the words but couldn’t force the sound out.  She wanted Regina take her, to take hold of her and passionately kiss her the type of kiss she had see between straight couples in movies.  No, the kind of kiss she had seen Corky and Violet share. Regina was confident in her seduction much like Violet. Corky really didn’t stand a chance at resisting her, not that she wanted to.  Emma wanted Regina to kiss her and had no intention of resisting her, but she needed Regina to take the wheel and accelerate. “Do you want me to kiss you, Miss Swan?” Emma nodded. “Use your words Emma.  I’m not going to do anything until you give me verbal consent.”

 

“Yes…”  Emma whispered nervously.

 

"Hmmm I would much prefer it if you could tell me those two words"  Regina said in a soft yet commanding tone. "Even if it is only a whisper."

 

"Please?"  Emma said quietly, unable to speak any louder.  Her breath hitching with every slight movement Regina made as she spoke to her, desire intensifying, the urgency requiring immediate attention.

 

"Please what, Emma?"

 

Emma could barely breath let alone speak, respiration was as fast as her hear was racing.  "Kiss Me!"  She finally uttered.

 

Closing her eyes leaning in slowly, Regina slightly puckered her lips and grazed them lightly upon Emma’s.  For the first time Emma felt a surge of electricity jolt through her body and that one barely there kiss was the cause.  Lingering in the connection, Emma closed her eyes, her body relaxed despite sparks flying. Regina’s lips parted and began caressing Emma’s.  The kiss was soft, slow in rhythm. Her lips tasted of cocoa butter and her tongue that slipped into Emma’s mouth gently massaging hers, held a subtle minty flavour.  

 

Emma’s heart was pounding but it was more relaxed, like it was flying, soaring with a calm exhilaration.  Regina’s kiss was slow and intoxicating, driving all of Emma’s sense wild, until the kiss came to a natural end.  It was the most exciting twenty seconds of Emma’s life and she didn’t want it to end. She opened her eyes to see the beautiful brunette’s seductive gaze, her teeth holding her bottom lip captive, enticing her to kiss her back, and Emma was never one to back out of a dare.  The intensity was at its most extreme and in the blink of a moment Emma cupped Regina’s jaw in her hands, and kissed her back with passionate ferocity.

 

It was amazing!  The first time she had kissed a woman was nothing like any time she had kissed a man.  Regina’s lips were so soft, plump and gentle. Her tongue subtle, as it played with Emma’s, no man had ever kissed her like that.  The second kiss lasted much longer, it seemed like five minutes or so. Emma’s underwear was ruined and she didn’t care at all. _So this is what lust feels like._ The intensity increased hands started grabbing at hair, tugging slightly, and the pair became breathless.  Regina put the brakes on, slowing down the kiss with more lingering pecks until they both came to a complete halt, breathless, smiling at one another.  Regina gently relaxed her forehead onto Emma’s for a moment, as they caught their breaths. Emma took Regina’s hand in hers, lacing her fingers in an interlocking position.  She couldn’t get the smile off her face. This is what had been missing in her life. Sure she had loved a couple of guys before, but there was this urgency, this need, this desire along with it.  Maybe it was the wine, or maybe she was high from the kiss itself. She didn’t care to figure it out, she just wanted more, to be closer to Regina because it felt so right.

 

“It’s too soon.”  Regina finally spoke  whilst holding Emma’s warm cheek.  “I like you Emma, I _really_ like you.  But anything more than just a kiss tonight would be taking things too far for now.”

 

“No, Regina I want this.  I want you.” Emma’s pleading was futile.  She knew Regina was a woman who takes control of a situation and goes after what she wants.  After all, she is the mayor of this little town. She’s in charge, and her commanding presence was something Emma really liked about Regina.  The naked brunette smiled at her, picked up her bed cover, wrapped it around herself once more, and took Emma’s left hand with her right.

 

“I’d rather hear those words when we haven’t drunk bottle of wine each, and when you’ve come to terms with who you are.”  It’s the best thing for as both.”

 

Emma closed her eyes and gently squeezed Regina’s hand.  She knew this gorgeous older woman with a lot more experience than her was right.  Oh how she hated the fact that she was. She gently nodded looking at how beautiful this woman was, wondering how anyone could resist her.  But she must. Emma kissed her hand and gently let go.

 

“I’ll leave you to process.  Goodnight, Miss Swan.” She said, laying a kiss upon Emma’s cheek before disappearing into her bedroom and closing the door.


	14. I want to live!

Emma didn’t sleep very well.  Dreams of kissing Regina would wake her as it was happening.  She’d wake a the crucial moment where Regina’s lips would lightly touch hers, and be frustrated that it didn’t continue.  She recalled a magnetic pull, that seemed to be extremely addictive, drawing a polar opposite towards her. It was alluring and seductive.  Maybe the feeling seduced by Regina was a gay thing. Maybe it was a Regina thing. Whatever it was, Emma wanted more she knew that much.

 

She took a quick shower, got dressed, and headed on down to the kitchen, it was six thirty in the morning and Regina and Henry were already up, though it seemed they hadn’t been up for long.  She could hear Regina fixing breakfast before she had reached the door. So stood outside for a moment eavesdropping.

 

“Henry next week we’re going out of town for your hypnotherapy appointment.”  She heard Regina pouring a bowl of cereals.

 

“Is Emma here?”  Henry asked, completely disregarding what Regina had said.

 

“She is yes.  I’m sure she’ll be having breakfast any moment.  But she has to work today, so you won’t see her until a little while after school.”

 

“Okay but if you and Emma are going to work today who’s taking care of me?”

 

“Mother Superior kindly offered her time for today and until the foreseeable until I can find someone who’s free to look after you throughout the day.  

 

“No!  Not Mother Superior!   She’s no fun.” Emma could hear the pouting Henry was doing in his tone, and she covered her mouth to stop a giggle escaping.

 

“Well the idea is that you do your homework and rest when you need to… hmmmm I might ask Miss Blanchard who looks after her baby during the day, perhaps they may be available to look after you too.” Emma composed herself before walking around the door frame and into the kitchen.

 

“It’s Ruby Lucas.”  She said, as she entered.  “Granny’s granddaughter. Ruby looks after Neal.  She helps Granny during the busy evening hours at the diner but her main job is childminding.

 

“Good morning to you too!  Regina said smirking subtly.  Do you happen to have Ruby’s number?”  Regina asked as she handed Henry his cereal and toast.  Emma didn’t know how it was possible that Regina’s short messy bed head morning look looked just as beautiful as her power dressing and makeup, but it was, just in a different way.  Her hair was naturally curly, but Emma had only seen it straightened and styled, flicked out with a little volume to it.

 

“Sure, I’ll get it for you before we leave.”  Emma said taking a seat at the breakfast bar next to Henry.

 

“Hi Emma,”  He greeted with a cheesy grin.  He was already dressed, his hair was damp and he looked ready to tackle the day whereas Regina was nowhere near ready.  The amount of effort that went into her appearance for the office was now obvious to Emma.

 

“Hey kid.  You sleep okay?”

 

“Yeah, but getting clean this morning wasn’t easy.  Mom had to put a trash bag around my leg and one of these stools in the shower.

 

“Well I couldn’t do anything else, Henry,”  Regina snapped, crossing her arms defensively. “You can’t stand on your own yet and you can’t get that leg wet!”

 

“I know mom, I know.  I was just saying, jeez!”  His soured face gazed into his bowl as he played with his cereal.  Emma couldn’t help but think that Henry was extremely sensitive at times and could see how easily the pair would clash.

 

“Sorry Henry.  I’m just stressed that’s all.  I didn’t mean to take it out on you.  She said giving him a kiss on his head.  I’ve an important meeting today, one of a couple I need to attend.

 

“Go get ready.”  Emma said, hoping she could relieve some of Regina’s stress.  I’ll have breakfast with Henry, and clean up.”

 

“My saviour!  What did I ever do without you?”  Regina teased, “Seriously though, thank you Emma.  I really appreciate the help.”

 

“How did I ever manage without you in my life?”  Regina smiled as she left the kitchen. Emma smiled knowing that Regina’s life seemed better with her in it.  

 

***

 

Regina got on with her morning getting ready for work routine.  Shower, skin care, drying and styling her hair, and of course makeup and power dressing.  She didn’t have much time before she had to leave. As soon as she was done, looking like the woman who could crush you with her authoritative stare, she quickly visited the kitchen with a note and Henry’s medicine.

 

“This is for Mother Superior make sure she knows his last pill was at 6am and show her his schedule for the next one.  If you could leave her a task for Henry to do for school before you go I’d really appreciate it.”

 

“Sure no worries.  I have a history topic I’d like him to research today.  Oh and here’s Ruby’s number. Emma showed her phone screen to Regina.”

 

“Good.  Thank you.”  She took her phone from her bag and added the number to her contacts before handing it back to Emma, subtly touching her hand as she thanked her again and wished her a good day, and kissed  Henry on his cheek before she left. “Have a good day Henry.” He didn’t even respond he was to engrossed in his cartoons on is iPad.

 

Emma wasn’t totally satisfied with that, she walk after her and caught up with her by the door, closing it as Regina began to open it.

 

“What the hell are you doing?”  Regina chortled. “I have to go to work, Emma...”

 

“If I can get a babysitter arranged for tonight,”  She spoke quietly so little ears could not hear her,  “would you let me take you on a date?”

 

“A date?”  Regina matched Emma’s volume, checking back to see if Henry could hear them.  She seemed satisfied that he couldn’t hear them speaking, but carried on whispering all the same.  “A date like, as in like an intimate date… with you?” Regina asked seemingly surprised.

 

“No a dinner date with Granny,”  she sarcastically joked, “of course and intimate date with me.”

 

“I don’t know,”  she paused giving it some thought, “I mean you have a lot of thinking to do before making such a decision.  I don’t want to end up hurt if this isn’t what you want.”

 

“You think I slept much at all after last night?  I haven’t been able to get that kiss outta my mind!  All I’ve done is think! I want more. I want…” She sighed at having to admit feelings.  “I wanna see if this is gonna turn out to be something amazing.”

 

“Oh really?”  Regina raised her eyebrow.  

 

“Yeah.  Really! I’m pretty sure I’ll know whilst we’re on a date if it feels right or not.  Can you give me a chance?”

 

Regina looked back towards the kitchen, getting closer to Emma as she did, before sneakily giving Emma a kiss on the cheek.

 

“Okay.  You can pick me up at eight fifteen p m.”

 

“Buuuuuuut I live here now?” Emma said confused at what Regina was asking of her.

 

“You wanna know what it’s like, then you’re gonna have to do this properly, as if we didn’t live together.”  Regina smirked. “Tonight, eight fifteen and don’t be late. I don’t like to be kept waiting.” She smiled, before opening the door and leaving.  Emma stood at the door watching her walk down the garden path. “I know you’re checking out my ass!”

 

 _Dang it_ !   _Busted!_  How could Emma not check her out?  The woman walked with sex at her hip.  She was naturally so sexy she could wear a trash bag and still look seductive.  “I am not!” Emma lied, smirking as Regina shook her head. “Have a good day!” She shouted after her.  

 

“You too dear!”  Regina replied before she got into her car and drove off.

 

Emma closed the door and leant back on it. She couldn’t quite take the smile off her face.  She touched her lips as she remembered the kiss from last night and how exhilarating it was, and her smile grew larger.  She remembered how her heart raced and how she just wanted more and more. _Yeah… I’m really not straight._  She thought.  She wondered how many years she wasted, and maybe had she have realised sooner, she and Neal would have been best friends instead of a couple, and perhaps… She shook her head.   _Nope, can’t think like that. No matter what situations people find themselves in, they reach their acknowledgement and acceptance when they are ready, and not a moment sooner._

 

A loud knock at the door sounded, releasing Emma from her own daydreaming and wondering.  She looked through the spyhole first. It was Mother Superior. “That’s right I have to go to work!”  Emma told herself before she opened the door.

 

“Hi there, I’ve come to look after Henry today.”  The nun said sweetly.

 

“Yeah, sure come in.  Regina mentioned you’ be taking care of Henry today.”

 

“She also mentioned that I would be meeting you, but I think I remember you.  Are you little Emma Nolan? David and Mary Margaret’s daughter?”

 

“It’s Swan now but yeah I am.”

 

“Oh did you get married?”

 

“No, I just changed it legally.”

 

“Oh… okay.  I won’t ask why.”

 

“Best not to, Mother Superior, because if you found out I’d have to kill you.”  Her face was deadpanned as she said it, and Mother Superior looked quite alarmed.

 

“It was a joke.  I’m not really a serial killer.  I’ll murder a bowl of cereal, but I won’t murder people.”  Emma joked a little further, but Mother Superior was clearly a little too serious for comedy as she excused Emma’s joke with an awkward snigger.

 

“Where’s Henry?  Can you lead me to him?”

 

“He’s just in the kitchen, follow me.”

 

They entered the kitchen to find Henry watching cartoons on his iPad, eating his cereal, but making a mess on the bar because he wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing.  Emma cleared her throat loudly so henry would look up.

 

“Oh, hey Mother Superior.”  he said returning his face to the screen.

 

“Henry it’s time to put that away now.  You’ve got school work to do.”

 

“But it’s nearly finished! Please let me watch to the end?”

 

“Okay you can watch to the end of that episode but then it goes on charge and you don’t get it back until you’ve finished your school work today.”

 

“Deal!”  He smiled as he continued to watch the cartoon,

 

“Emma ushered Mother Superior over to the kitchen counter. Regina left a note to explain when he needs his pain meds, they must not be given to early,  the last one he had was at 6am it says here. She’s got a schedule here to follow. And I want him to research local history. There’s some questions he needs to answer on the sheet.  

 

“Okay, I’ll make sure he takes his meds, and does his homework.

 

“Thank you,” Emma said before raising her voice, “I’ll be checking his homework tonight!”  Henry finally looked up from his ipad. ”And I’ll take this…”

 

“Oh but how can I research without something to research on?”  Henry whined.

 

“You young man, have a perfectly working laptop in the study.”

 

“But I can’t get in the study!”

 

“It’s a good job that Mother Superior can, and laptops are portable!  Just because it doesn’t fit nicely in your hand, and has no apps on it, doesn’t mean you can’t research online!  But nice try kid! See ya later.”

 

* * *

 

Later that day, when Emma got home and relieved Mother Superior of her duties.  She had checked over Henry’s work, and he had done quite a remarkable job with his research.  She made him dinner which he ate in its entirety, and they played Mario Kart for a while until Regina got home.  She told Henry that his mom needed a night out to unwind as she had been stressed with work and needed to relaxation time, so Emma was going to take her out.  He seemed more interested in his game, becoming so engrossed in it that Emma could have easily told him that she was taking his mom out on a date and the kid wouldn't have even listened.

 

Emma greeted Regina, at the front door when she arrived, and wasted no time in telling her how good Henry had been today, and let her know he needed his bedtime routine.

 

“Did you manage to get a babysitter?”  Regina asked.

 

“Yeah, my dad is going to babysit Henry this evening.”

 

“Your father?”  

 

“Yep.  Figured Henry might appreciate some male bonding time, and quite frankly so will my dad.  He can play Mario Kart for hours.” I’m just going to nip upstairs, have a quick shower and get changed then nip out for a while.  I’ll be back at eight fifteen.  Oh, and you won't need to dress up, in fact, do you have something to wear that is smart casual?  Like jeans or something?

 

"That'll make a refreshing change.  I don't often get to wear jeans."

 

"Good.  See you soon."  Emma flashed her a smile before climbing the staircase.  She had her shower, dried herself in her room, and got dressed.  Skinny jeans and converse were the choice.  Emma had only ever seen Regina in formal business attire, and for the most part Regina was so serious all the time.  From all the interactions with her, Emma sensed that Regina was tightly wound and needed release.  Apart from last night, she hadn't seen Regina relax.  Emma's plan for the evening, was to remind Regina what it was like to let her hair down and have fun, to laugh, and to let go of the stresses that had her so tense, even if it was just for an evening.

 

Whilst Emma had been at work, setting her class to a task, she had google searched the businesses in Storybrooke.  The search revealed some businesses that for her were new to the town, but had been established within the last ten years.  She decided to take Regina to _Glimmer Bowl, f_ or some glow in the dark party bowling.  She could see herself encouraging Regina to be silly with her imagination and create crazy ways to make her way up to the alley and release the ball.  The website stated that it was an interactive bowling alley.  She's been to a glowing bowling alley with a friend in New York, but it wasn't interactive.  Emma couldn't watch the video whilst at work, but she could book lanes and a set number of games online and show up, so she went ahead.

 

Sat on the bed putting on her converse, she played the video on the website.  She saw that each lane had a different light up interaction when people were taking their turns.  One guy bowled and, in real time, the illumination showed flames that looked like it was coming from the fireball.  

 

"Oh my god that's so cool!"  Emma said out loud.  She watched the bowlers and the different interactions from the lights, DJ Remixed party anthems played music, creating a great atmosphere.  There was a soft play area for the little kids which boasted a massive ball pit that adults could play in, a small Taco Bell station, and a billards bar called Aesops Tables all under one roof!  They could bowl, shoot some pool, and go for drinks afterwards.  It was the perfect place for Regina to be carefree.  She had no idea if this was going to be to Regina's taste, but she hoped that they could relax and enjoy themselves as best they could.   _Please universe, just give me some time with her before Killian shows up, please give us both a shot at being happy._

 

After drying and styling her hair, and applying a minimal amount of make up, Emma was ready by seven thirty, but stayed in her room waiting for 8pm to arrive.  Her dad was always punctual, always keeping to his word when making promises so she needed to be at the door for 8 to let him in and hoped Regina would stay upstairs.  During her wait she had heard Regina climbing the stairs and heading for her room.  Once the realization hit that Regina was most likely taking a shower, her mind was taken right back to the moment Regina dropped her bed cover.  Thinking of her naked, taking a shower, the hot steam, and water trickling down her toned lightly petite frame, searching for a place to stop... she closed her eyes and bit her lip thinking about watching her shower, wondering what it would be like to just walk into the shower calm and confident and kiss her under the spray...

 

The sound of the doorbell startled her out of her daydream, she'd lost all sense of time.  Grabbing her keys and her wallet from the bedside table, she headed downstairs and opened the door, letting her father in.

 

"Hi sweetheart," he said giving her a hug.  "Have you settled in okay?"  

 

"Yeah, I settled in real quick"  She said smirking over his shoulder in the embrace.   _If only you knew she thought_ as she released him. 

 

"Now, are you sure you're going to be safe going out?"

 

"Yeah, Graham has his deputy outside in an unmarked car.  Regina has assured me that I have someone at all times following me.  It was weird this morning when I drove to work seeing someone behind me following my every turn.  Maybe I should become friendly with them so I get to know who they all are."

 

"I think that's wise Emma.  At least until we know that lowlife ex of yours has been taken care of and locked up."

 

 _You should be locked up for slicing his hand off_ her inner voice taunted.  The effects of narcissistic abuse can last a long time, and little taunts like this, where her brain is trolling her with guilt trips, was essentially how she had been rewired by Killian.  At the beginning of her therapy in New York, she would berate herself a lot.  Her therapist noticed this with her, and pointed out that Emma was doing to herself what Killian had been doing to her.  It was as if she was berating herself in place of him out of habit.  He was no longer around her when she escaped, but because that emotional manipulation of her was what she had become used to, she had taken over from his abuse and was continuing to abuse herself.  That was an eye opener for Emma.  She worked really hard to try and stop doing this, and most of the time now, she would try and correct herself whenever these moments occurred.  She mentally told herself that it was self defence, he attacked her, and that the outcome was not her fault, she was in an instinctual survival mode and the result would never have happened had he been a decent human being in the first place.

 

"I'm sure he will be dealt with as soon as he sets foot in Storybrooke, dad.  I can spend my life hiding away not living my life just waiting for him to show up.  I've taken the necessary precautions in case he shows up, but I refuse to be a prisoner in what is now my new home because of that asshole."

 

"That's my girl!"  He said placing a kiss on her forehead.  "Going anywhere nice tonight with Regina?"

 

"Nah, we're just going to go into town and see what we feel like doing to relax.  I think she needs it more than I do."  David chuckled at his daughters remark.

 

"She does come across like a woman who has no chill."

 

"She does have some chill, I saw a glimpse of it last night when she was dressed for bed watching a movie in the living room drinking wine.  but I think she needs some proper fun, let her hair down a bit."

 

"Regina?  Let her hair down?"  He scoffed, "You'll be lucky Emma.  She keeps herself to herself, she's an introvert who doesn't socialise with people much here.  the only reason she became mayor was because she rescued a little girl from a burning building.  Her interaction with people is always formal and serious.  I've never seen her in Granny's any longer than five minutes to pick up a lunch order.  She doesn't stop and chat to anyone..."

 

"Well she has a lot on her plate dad!  It's not easy running a town and having a grieving little boy to look after.  By the time she's catered to his needs and the town's needs, she has no time or energy to attend to her own.  So maybe tonight will be the first of many.  I'll show her it's possible."

 

"Emma!"  Henry shouted from the living room.  "Is that your dad?"

 

"Yeah kid!"  She shouted back. 'I'll send him in!"  She turned her attention back to David, "You've met Henry before, right?"

 

"Yeah yeah, a few times.  Don't worry, we'll be fine.  Go have fun!"  He said, kissing her cheek before strolling into the living room.  Emma smiled listening to her dad exaggerate his happiness to see Henry as she headed toward the door.  She let herself outside, checking to see if the unmarked car was still there, and feeling safe when she saw it.  She text Regina to let her know that she was outside, but she felt weird about knocking on the door because chances are, her dad would open it before Regina made her way downstairs.  Regina replied with "This is your version of using a doorbell?" with a laugh emoji.

 

Emma waited a few more minutes, and at eight-fifteen sharp, Regina opened the door.  Emma's eyes widened and and her jaw dropped into a wide smile as soon as she saw her.  Regina was a total contrast of her usual Madam Mayor self.  Her dark hair was naturally curly and teased, her make up softer and closer to a natural look.  She wore a black leather jacket boasting large a few red rose prints, a leopard print Rick James top, black skinny jeans and matching leopard print thick heeled boots.  This was not at all what Emma expected Regina's casual look to be, it was better!

 

"You look gorgeous!"  Emma exclaimed, "Not that you didn't before, you're always gorgeous, but..."  Emma struggled to dig herself out of the hole she was creating.

 

"I'm just gorgeous in a different way?"

 

"YES!  Exactly that!"  Relieved that Regina had helped her finish that sentence.  Emma offered Regina a stead hand to hold as she stepped down from the front door.  "Have you already said bye to henry?"

 

"Yes I did, he seems happy playing video games with your father."  She said, closing the door behind her.  "We'll take my car seeing as your's in blocked by mine on the drive way.  Where are we going?"

 

"Hand me the keys and you'll find out."

 

"What?"

 

"It's meant to be a surprise.  This evening is going to be a let your hair down mini adventure okay.  Just trust me."

 

Regina shot Emma a sideways glare with a smirk before handing her the keys.  "Okay... I trust you."

 

***

 

Pulling up to the bowling alley, Regina chuckled. "We're bowling tonight?"  She asked.  "I thought we'd be going for dinner and drinks or something boring like that."  She smiled in her understanding that Emma was a total goofball big kid who just wanted to have some childish fun for an evening.  "I haven't bowled in years!"

 

"Good, because that'll help."

 

"I don't understand."  Regina said, confused and bewildered.  "Isn't the idea to be practiced and skilled and get as many strikes as possible?"

 

"Not tonight it's not.  Tonight we're changing the rules up.  You can't gutterball on purpose, but the idea is to get the worse score possible, and bonus points for the most creative Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble style lead up you can make.  The winner, or should I say loser with the lowest points, gets to decide what we do next.  You game?"

 

Regina laughed at Emma's proposal for the evening.  "Won't everyone look at us like we're crazy?'  She asked, still reeling at Emma's suggestion.  "I'm the mayor of Storybrooke!  There'll be people watching me, people who live here?  What will they think if they see me acting crazy?"

 

"They'll think that you're human, and having that thing you've neglected to give to yourself since you moved here... fun!"

 

Regina shot Emma a look of surprise.  She hated to admit it to herself but Emma was right.  She did deny herself fun, and what did she have to show for it?  A moody miserable existence.  She had got so wrapped up in the town's and Henry's issues, that she didn't see that she was grieving, and her grief manifested in denying herself any pleasures in life since Daniel's death.  the closest she ever got was letting Robin get closer to her than anyone else.  But the night she saw him behind The Rabbit Hole pub kissing his baby mama Marian, she didn't allow him to get closer and declined a date with him.  It was far too soon for her to date again anyway.  It had only been a year since Daniel had died, and she wasn't sure how long she needed before she could start dating again, but she knew at that point if she did, it would be like a rebound fling for both of them, and she was better than that.  She had sheltered herself in isolation for too long.  

 

"Okay Emma, I'll play.  May the best loser win!"  She giggled to herself.  Watching the smile grow on Emma's face.  "C'mon!"  She said getting out of the car.

 

The pair made their way inside, it was warm and bright in the main entrance.  Regina knew what was in this place, she had to approve on the extended features like the Taco Bell and the Bar.  The party music from the lanes could be heard throughout the building, and the sounds from arcade machines and the bowling balls rolling down the lanes striking the pins blended together.  Emma had paid for one game, knowing their time was limited she wasn't sure how long they would have before Regina would have to get back for Mommy duties.  

 

As they took their shoes off, Regina felt a tug on her jacket.  She turned to see a little girl standing with her father.  "Hi Grace", Regina spoke out loud and signed at the same time.  Grace was Jefferson's daughter, one of the contractors who had helped design and build Glimmer Bowl.  Regina and Jefferson had worked together for quite some time on the upgrade and extension project at the beginning of her first term as mayor.  The first time she had met Grace she was really upset that she had to rely on Jefferson to communicate as a translator with her.  So she began to learn sign language so that any time Jefferson, being a single father, had to bring Grace with him to her office, she could speak with Grace herself.  Grace was part of the reason Regina had encouraged Henry to take up ASL.  "How are you?"  She signed aloud.

 

"I'm good thank you.  Not seen you here since you opened it.  You like the bowling alley?"  Grace signed back

 

"Yes it's beautiful, you're father did an amazing job.  Do you like it here?"  Grace nodded And thanked Regina.  

 

"Sorry to interrupt you Madam Mayor, Jefferson piped up.  Grace hadn't seen you for a while and wanted to say hello.  Turned out alright this place huh?"

 

"I have yet to experience it fully.  but I plan to at least experience the interactive bowling."  

 

"Well enjoy, we have to run"  Jefferson signed so that Grace could see they were about to leave.  She gave Regina a hug and said goodbye and walked away.  Regina sensed Emma's eyes watching her.

 

"You know ASL?"

 

"I know basic levels"  Regina said modestly.  "I wouldn't say i'm fluent.  I'd like to be some day.  Henry and I used to practice having conversations in sign, but when Daniel died, all the things we used to enjoy doing together just stopped when he really started struggling with his emotions.  Maybe one day we'll start again.

 

That's really cool.  Maybe I can come with you to classes some time?  I'd like to learn."  Emma said whilst trading their shoes in for bowling shoes.  They were assigned a lane and given directions, and started making their way over.  Upon approach, Regina caught sight of someone she didn't want to see and instantly went rigid, sharply turning her back. Robin, the guy she was letting get close to her little by little but ruined it by kissing Marian, was sitting not only with Marian and their son Roland, but Sidney Glass, reporter for the Storybrooke Herald. "SHIT! Fuck!"  She muttered quietly.

 

"Regina?  Babe what's wrong?"  Emma sounded concerned, placing her hand on Regina's shoulder.

 

"Did I ever tell you about Robin Locksley?"

 

"Name doesn't ring a bell."

 

"Well he and I became friendly, and it seemed like maybe it could go somewhere.  I wasn't ready at the time but I saw him with his ex Marian rekindling their romance behind The Rabbit Hole.  The cheeky bastard even asked me out the following night. I not only declined a date with him, I ghosted him out, pretended he didn't exist.  And he's sitting in the next lane from ours with his wife, kid, and Sidney Glass, Storybrooke Herald's finest!""

 

"He is?"  Emma said turning back to look.

 

"Don't look! What are you doing?!"

 

"Ooof, Emma said turning her nose up.  No offence babe but I'd ghost that smug ugly face out of my life too had I been in your shoes!"  Well that's his stupidity not yours Regina."  Regina playfully slapped Emma softly trying to hold back her laugh without success.  "He's got more wrinkles in his face than a ball sack!"

 

"Emma! Oh my god!"  Regina said through the giggles she could no longer contain.  Emma turned her attention back to giggly Regina.

 

"Lucky escape I'd say!  You did nothing wrong and you have no reason to hide. I mean you saved yourself waking up to a man that has the face of a testicle and the pubes on his chin to go with it!  Kudos to you baby!  Well done!"  Regina was holding her side in hysterics at Emma's graphic adult analogies.

 

"Who knew you were this funny Emma?!  You could be a comedienne!  But seriously though What about Sidney?  He sees me in here with you, no doubt there will be some scandal."

 

"We're just two friends, hanging out having fun.  I'm sure that'll be all he sees so just chill..."

 

"Madam Mayor?  Is that you?"  The familiar voice of Sydney Glass interrupted the girls as Emma was reassuring her.  "Yes I though that was you!  You look so different out of business hours... and actually out in the public eye on personal time."

 

"Yes well we're all entitled to do so Sidney!"

 

"Indeed we are and who is this beautiful blonde bombshell?"  He said, taking Emma's hand without consent and going to kiss it.  Emma yanked her away from his grip.

 

"My name is "I'm Taken" as far as you're concerned, dude.  So put your nose back on your face and mind your own business and let the mayor have one evening to enjoy her life without intrusion okay?"  Sidney was surprised by Emma's harshness and apologised.  He almost sprinted over to the door where Robin, Marian and Roland were waiting.  Clearly Robin didn't share the need to say hello to Regina.  With Sydney and Robin out of sight,  Regina relaxed herself. 

 

"My name is "'I'm Taken" as far as your concerned!"  Regina mocked, and the pair started laughing at Emma's bluntness.  

 

"Well he deserved it.  You don't go up to a woman you don't know and act like a total creeper."  We came to have fun so let's have fun!"  Regina smiled and followed Emma to the lane.  Emma set up the names so the screen,  making Regina laugh as soon as she saw them. 

 

"Gorgeous and Goofball?"  She asked  "Really?"

 

"I see no lies."  Emma retorted with a chuckle.  Their night had barely started and already the stress was leaving Regina's body like it was escaping through her pores.  It had been a long time since she had been 'alive.'  She realized she had merely been existing, and maybe that's why Emma found her way into Regina's life.

 

* * *

 

 Gorgeous and Goofball had a great game.  The visuals from the lights interacting with their plays made the experience of making Flintstone and Rubble type plays so much more entertaining.  At one point, Regina had decided to catwalk herself to the line, turn around and bend over, knowing full well Emma caught a good look at her cleavage from the action on Emma's face.  She rolled the bowling ball under her legs and snapped herself back into a standing position, flicking her hair back and teasing it as she did.  Emma jaw dropping smile said it all.  She danced back to Emma as she walked, thinking she had won the challenge. No way would that ball knock many over, it'll more than likely gutter ball.  She felt like she had the game in the bag and would be the one taking charge of what they do next, but the clash of the pins stopped her in her tracks.  Her eyes widened in shock.

 

"No way!"  She yelled, spinning around to see her pins making the sound all of them fell the the floor.  "Nooooooooooooo!"  Regina's voice bellowed, "I don't believe this!!!!"  Emma roared with laughter at the display.  Regina saw the funny side and laughed too.

 

"Game over and this loser gets to choose what we do next!"  Emma said pointing to herself.

 

"Are you sure you didn't rig the game somehow?  Is there someone back there knocking my skittles over?"

 

"You can't win 'em all Regina.  And sometimes a loss is a win.

 

 _She's right Regina,_ her inner voice spoke softly, _If you hadn't lost Daniel, your paths may never have crossed and she wouldn't be in your life bringing light and happiness into it. Count your blessings, not your tragedies._

 

"Okay, so what's next?"

 

"Why, we're gonna play like children, of course!"  Emma took hold of her hand and took her to the giant ball pit.  It was late, so the ball pit was empty.  Most kids there were leaving with their parents.  "When the kids go to bed at the end of the day, we get their ball pic to ourselves!"  She said, kicking her shoes off.

 

"You can't be serious?"  Regina laughed watching Emma climb the steps.  

 

"Oh I'm totally serious!"  Emma flung herself into the pit disappearing under the many colourful plastic spheres for a moment or two then burst through the surface layer.  "Come on in, the plastic is fine!"  She beckoned waving her arm inviting Regina in.  

 

 _This girl is crazy... but god she's adorably fun._  Regina wasted no more time and dived into the pit to surface again. _This is bat shit crazy_ she thought. _But I'm loving it!_  Emma ducked under surface layer and came back up.  

 

"You gotta find me in the balls!"  She instructed as she dived right under again.  Regina laughed. and decided to play along with Emma's game.  She searched and searched for her.  She kept bursting through the surface intermittently  as Regina searched for her.  She watched the balls move and would try to guess where Emma was, but she would be in the opposite direction.  She soon realised it was the way the balls were shifting as she moved through them, falling into place as she left that spot.  SHe finally guessed right and wrapped her arms around her and they both sunk into the balls.

 

Surround by a variety of colours it was like being at a Pride Parade, arms wrapped around each other, smiling and laughing, catching their breaths, and in that moment, through the smiles, breathless chests heaving, they gazed into each others eyes.  Regina wanted to kiss Emma, under the protection from prying eyes provided by those colourful balls, but she didn't want to freak Emma out.  They weren't in the safety of their home.  She held back just staring at her in wonderment.  This blonde green eyed beauty, who had lived most of her life in denial of herself, seemed free in that moment.  Regina couldn't help but notice that Emma was looking at her with the same fondness.  Emma pulled Regina closer and kissed her.  Not just a peck on the lips, but a hungry passionate embrace that had Regina's heart doing a workout. 

 

The passion with Emma was like wildfire, hot, ferocious and the heat from their connection spread across Regina's body.  Every little touch between them thrilled her, no matter how soft the touch, she took note of every single connection their bodies made, storing them in her memory.  She never wanted to forget this moment of liberation and freedom and was ready to let whatever this was between them take them to wherever they needed to be.  Regina slowed the kiss and spoke to her in between little kisses.

 

"You wanna get out of here?"  Regina asked

 

"Take me home."  Emma smiled. I want to continue this at home.

 

 

***

 

The evening hadn't gone according to plan.  Emma had so many ideas of things they could get up to, but she was happy because the night was a success without all of those other things.  Regina drove them home, holding Emma's hand the whole length of the journey, slipping out of her hand to use her turn signals, but returning her hand to Emma's, right up until they got home.  Regina had asked Emma not didn't want David asking too many questions that neither of them were ready or in a position to answer just yet.  Emma agreed and they made their way into the house.  David was watching a movie when they walked in.  Henry was already in bed.  

 

"Thank you so much for watching him David."  Regina said as she walked into the living room.  She went to hand him some money for his service.

 

"Oh no I couldn't..."

 

"I insist."  Regina wasn't going to take no for an answer from him.  

 

"Thanks Regina."  David said, reluctantly accepting the cash.  "Did you ladies have a nice time?  I expected you later than this to be honest."

 

"Yes we did.  I didn't realize how much I needed some time to have fun.  I should do it more often."  She said turning to Emma with a knowing smirk.

 

"We went bowling and played Loser Flintstone style."

 

"That game you made up on the spot when we vacayed to Florida?  That was fun!  You should go out more often Regina and take Emma with you.  She knows how to how to have a good time.  You'll enjoy yourself."

 

The two women pressed their lips together trying to hide their smirks, Regina managed to regain composure a lot faster compared to Emma.

 

"Let me show you out David."  Regina said placing a hand on his back to usher him out.  David gave Emma a kiss on the cheek and told her he loved her and she returned the gesture and sentiment.

 

"I'm just going to check on Henry.  Regina said as she closed the door behind David.  

 

***

 

Emma followed her to the guest room to find Henry sound asleep with an open book on his tummy.  Emma watched Regina carefully lift her son's arm to remove the heavy looking hardback, and returning his arm the position it was in.  Emma could see he had been reading a fairy tale book from the title of the cover, _Once upon A Time._   _The kid still believes in love despite being in so much pain after losing his father.  There's hope for him yet._ Regina gently placed the book on the bedside table and gave Henry a kiss on his forehead.

 

"Goodnight my prince."  She whispered, and slowly she crept out of his room, heading out into the hallway with Emma.

 

"Thank you for such a wonderful evening Emma.  I'd forgotten what it was like to have fun."

 

"The fun doesn't have to end here Regina."  Emma said, laying a kiss upon Regina's cheek."

 

"I know.  I'm just worried that maybe this is all too quick.  I mean we are housemates, and we just had a date.  We're doing this all back to front in a twisted lesbian u-haul way.  I don't want it to ruin us by rushing into things to quickly."

 

"You... you said "us" soooooo... is  _us_ a thing?"  Emma asked with a coy smile, and blushing cheeks.  "Because I'd really like it to be a thing."

 

Emma sensed that Regina was trying so hard to fight her feelings, it was written all over her face.  Emma's heart was like a wild horse that had been help captive in a stable, and had bolted out the stable gate, it seemed redundant to shut it now.  She could see that Reina was struggling.

 

"What are you thinking?  Honest answer."

 

"I don't know Emma.  Right now I'm very much aware that I've had a really good evening, the best in fact.  Not a single glass of wine has passed our lips and we've had a blast.  I want to finish the night off by taking you to bed and _showing_ you how I feel..."

 

"So do it!"  Regina reacted to Emma's interruption with a shocked expression. 

 

"How do you know that you're ready for me showing you how I feel, Emma?  You're only just acknowledging your sexuality.

 

"Would I'd been a man, would you ask me this same question?  Had a man just started acknowledging that he's bisexual for example, having only dated me, but was dating you, would you ask him the same question?"

 

"Huh..."  Regina said looking surprised.  "I wouldn't, you're right... that's totally hypocritical of me."

 

"And a little gender biased?"

 

"Okay okay you made your point.  I'm admitting fault.  I'm sorry.  I won't do that again." 

 

"Hey it's okay.  I know that you're concerned for me.  But you know even living in heteronormativity, the first time I slept with a guy, I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted to do.  I felt like I wanted to and was true to myself in that moment, just like I'm being true to myself in this moment with you.  The only difference is that you're a women this time and that's new for me."

 

Regina fell quiet, seemigly taking in what Emma was saying.  She didn't seem convinced.

 

"Look, you're not going to break me Regina.  I'm not someone whose just going to up and leave at the slightest issue.  You want me, I want you.  So let's just be true to ourselves and accept that and maybe do something about it, instead of playing ourselves for fools and pushing away the opportunity of potentially being happy with someone."  Regina pouted, looking defeated.  For a moment.  

 

"How'd you get this emotionally intelligent Emma?"

 

"Years and years of therapy.  Doesn't stop some of my anxieties, but it does help be to communicate my emotions better.  So what's it gonna be?   You gonna take a chance on me?  Or do your usual routine of keeping everyone at safe distance from you in that comfort zone where dreams go to die?"  Regina shot Emma a carnal stare.  

 

"I want to live!"  Scooping Emma's face into hers Regina kissed her with urgency.  Emma's heart immediately began to race. Regina's soul was touching hers through the kiss, and as it intensified Regina relaxed as if she was letting go of her worries and concerns, seizing and embracing the moment, kissing her as if she was never going to see Emma again.  The embrace initially stunned Emma momentarily.  In a way it was like it came out of nowhere and caught her off guard, but in hindsight she realized that Regina must have been wrestling with choosing whether or not to take the leap, just like she had last night when they shared their first kiss.  

 

Emma regained her mental balance and met Regina's passion with her own escalating the kiss to allow hands to explore instinctively.  Emma moved from Regina's lips and kissed her neck, the smell of her perfume was intoxicating.  

 

"Take me to bed Miss Swan!"  Regina demanded, and with that Emma lifted Regina's with her forearms, legs wrapped around Emma's waist, and the strong, powerful saviour that Emma was to Regina, carried her up the stairs, through her bedroom door, kicking it closed behind her.  Regina took the opportunity to reach for the dimmer switch on the wall, turning it slightly to provide a providing a soft gentle glow of light to guide Emma to where she needed to be.

 

Regina held Emma's cheeks as she kissed her again, falling into the bed landing on their sides.  Regina pushed Emma onto her back and began to pull off her skinny jeans, taking her panties with them, kissing her abs all the way down towards her pussy, but avoiding it entirely.  Emma sitting herself up by leaning on her elbows, marvelled her lady love.  Regina moved off the bed, finally removing Emma's jeans and panties fully, slipping her converse off with them.

 

"How the fuck do you get my clothes off quicker than I do?"

 

"Many years of practice with that skill, Em-ma!"  Regina  smirked.  Barely taking her eyes off Emma's, she slowly, seductively removed her own clothes until she was completely naked climbing back onto the bed.  

 

"Wow!  Emma was in awe of Regina's beauty.  She was an exquisite work of art, crawling up the bed like the lioness Emma saw in her last night.  Regina's eyes were hungry for her, Emma finally saw how Regina had been feeling and her words replayed in her mind "I've wanted to _devour_ you!"

 

Regina straddles Emma and pulls her into a more seated position, removing her tank top and bra, revealing Emma's already hardened nipples.  The Mayor certainly had a very different side to her than the world sees.  Regina's hand ran through the hair at the base of Emma's head, Regina took a handful of hair and tugged, moving Emma's head into a more desired position.  She kissed Emma's neck, and began alternating between licking, nibbling and kissing.  Emma heard Regina's excited breath in her ear, giving the blonde goosebumps.  She felt a pinch to her nipple as Regina played with her.  Emma's hands wandered up and down Regina's back until she could grab at Regina's ass, causing the the seductress to grind on Emma.  Regina's pussy was wet against Emma's mound The breathless moans through the kiss were driving Emma crazy.  She was a hot sticky mess, her arousal already dripping onto the very tops of her thighs.  

 

FUUUUUUUUUUCK!  She's so hot!  I'm so fucking horny!  Why did I waste so many years of my life?  

 

The grind seemingly wasn't wasn't satisfying enough for Regina, and she repositioned Emma's leg so that her clit would rub on Emma's.  Emma's jaw dropped watching Regina.  She glanced down and saw their pussies rubbing together and could barely breathe she was on fire with how hot this looked.

 

"This emma dear",  Regina spoke through her excited breaths.  "This is called scissoring."  Emma's breaths transcended into moans.  "Watch Emma!"  Regina commanded.  Emma did as she was told, she watched Regina grinding against her, their slickness becoming pools of pleasure.  Moaning through the breaths, the sensation Emma felt was electric.  Her pussy clenched and throbbed, tingling, their moaning turned to screams, and the rush of the release in unison caused their trembling bodies to jerk against each other as their rode the waves together, Regina kissed Emma as the orgasmed.  The high was incredible.

 

"Don't move."  Regina said with authority as she broke from the kiss abruptly, catching her breath for a moment.  Regina shimmied down Emma's body slowly, her slick wet pussy marking her territory.  Emma was owned, and she loved it!  Regina dismounted Emma and opened her legs wide, accommodating just enough space to sit between them.  Slowing the pace right down, Regina kissed Emma's thighs, inching closer and closer to the edge of glory.  Emma stroked Regina's hair watching her every little move, moaning with anticipation. Regina lifted he head to meet Emma's watchful gaze.

 

"May I?"  Regina asked, licking her lips to inform Emma of what was about to do.  

 

Emma nodded as she whispered "yes,"  and with that Regina smiled taking her tongue between her teeth for a second or two before she slowly dived between Emma's legs.  Regina's warm wet tongue teased Emma's nerve bundle, causing Emma to moan and hiss in sheer ecstasy.  Her body trembling with every swip of Regina's tongue.  She knew she was done for as Regina's movements became faster.  

 

"Oh god!"  Emma's volume getting louder with each moan, "oh fuck... yes!  Jesus fuck, what are you doing to me Regina?!"

 

"Hmmmm making you feel as good as you make me feel I hope,"  Regina said before sucking Emma's clit into her mouth.

 

"HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIIIIIIT!!" Emma screamed, she couldn't contain herself.  The pleasure was intense and ferocious she screamed loudly as she came hard."  Regina let go her her clit and laughed.  

 

"I'm not done playing with you yet Emma..."

 

"Good I want more please don't stop until I die!"  Regina chuckled again, this time her laugh a little more malevolent.  

 

"You want me to fuck you hard, Miss Swan?"

 

"Oh God yes please?!"

 

"With pleasure!" 

 

Regina's fingers slowly entered Emma, sliding in with ease and instantly Emma felt some relief.  She needed this, she needed Regina to take charge like this and fuck her deep and firm.  Regina started off slowly, building up momentum and pressure against Emma's G spot.

 

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, don't stop Regina, please? Don't stop!!!"

 

The tingling between her legs intensified, her breath racing as fast as her heart, her body shaking, in pleasure, she was a pressure cooker about to explode with an uncontrollable force.  Regina kept the pressure on Emma's G spot, relentlessly pounding her hard and deep, and Emma was losing all sense of control.

 

"Emma I want you try and relax okay totally relax and just let it all go.  I want you to soak me."

 

 _Fucking hell who is this woman?  She's giving me life!_  Emma did as she was told and relaxed her body as much as she could whilst grinding against Regina's fingers to benefit from more pressure.

 

"Are you ready for the finale?"  Regina asked.

 

"Yes!  Fucking give it to me!"

 

Regina tilted her hand and half ways thrust fast into Emma and with her free hand, Regina teased Emma's clit light and fast.

 

'FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! GINA!!!!  I'M GONNA CUM BABY!!!!  Before Regina could respond Emma's pussy clenched and released, squirting her pleasure over Regina's hand.  Regina didn't stop,  Emma's waterfall seemed to make her more determined.  She held Emma captive climax after climax until they overlapped.  Multiple orgasms were something Emma had never had the pleasure of experiencing, it was like riding a wave continuously.  Her body had all it could take and regina some how knew as she stopped right when Emma needed her too and collapsed beside her, the pair a breathless, sweaty messy heap on the bed.

 

"Jesus.... fuck.... I.... I don't know what to say."  Emma was contending with what felt like her brain setting of fireworks in her head."

 

"You enjoyed it?"  Regina asked, as if she needed to.

 

"Yep... I'm.... I'm so gay!"

 

"Good... Fuck me! Hard and fast and make me explode whilst I'm on my knees!"

 

"Emma Rolled over of the bed, her excitement dribbling down her inner thighs, and Regina repositioned herself on all fours, head down ass up.  Emma couldn't help but admire the art.  Regina's ass reminded her of a juicy peach.  She bit her left cheek and Regina squealed with pleasure.

 

"That's what I want! Bite me, spank me, pull my hair, tell me dirty things, just fuck me hard.  I'm aching for you and don't want to wait.  You know I don't like to be kept waiting!  I need to cum hard and fast!  Fuck me Emma!"

 

Not entirely confident or sure of what she was doing Emma went on her instincts.  She slipped two fingers inside Regina slowly at first to test the water a bit.  Regia moaned loudly, her pussy gripping Emma's fingers in hunger.

 

"More Emma put another one inside stretch me, fill me up... please?"  Emma pulled her hand out and went back inside this time with three.  Regina's pussy was tight, there was no room for more despite her wetness.  "Yes oh my god yes!"  Regina shouted into the pillow, now fuck me hard and fast and show me no mercy!

 

Emma rose the challenged and started thrusting fast, Regina responded well, shouting Emma's name yelling harder into the pillow.  Emma could see why Regina chose this position, she was really loud when being penetrated.  

 

"Harder Emma, fuck me harder baby!"  Hearing Regina call her baby made her want to please her more, Emma curled her fingers to hit Regina's G spot, spanking her ass firmly the second she started hitting that sweet spot of ecstasy. 

 

"OH FUCK YES!"  Regina said with her face off the pillow. "Ahhh That's it Emma!  Right there baby don't stop!"

 

"You like it when I fuck you don't you?"  Emma asked, remembering that Regina had said she wanted her to talk dirty to her.

 

"Yes Oh fuck yes!" 

 

"Imagine me wearing a strap on, I have a dick strapped to me and pounding int your juicy wet pussy!"  

 

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!  PLEASE EMMA DO THAT TO ME ONE DAY PLEASE?!"

 

"I will gorgeous! I'm gonna fuck you so hard and so deep with my toy dick and you're gonna cum hard all over it."

 

"Oh yeah baby, oh yeah!"

 

"You're gonna take it all 'cause your pretty pussy is a greedy little bitch isn't she?"

 

"OH GOD OH GOD OH JESUS, FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

 

Emma spank Regina's ass hard, and went as fast as she could go.  Regina couldn't even give Emma any warning, she screamed Emma's name exploding her juice all over Emma's hand, Emma watched in awe and amazement, and slowed down as Regina's body trembled and slowed down.  The mayor collapsed in a heap, breathless and spent.  Emma slowly slid out of her wet satisfied Queen, and lay beside her pulling her in to hold her in a very protective way.

 

"Yep... You're gay!"  Regina said.  Emma laughed at her comment and squeezed her for a moment as she held her.  She couldn't believe that this is what she had been missing.  And she couldn't believe that Regina was the woman she found herself with.  She never wanted to let her go.  The exhausted pair rested their exhausted bodies and drifted into peaceful slumber.

 

 


	15. Fate's Cruel Game

Emma and Regina continued their new relationship, enjoying their sexual explorations every evening until the day of Regina's big meeting had finally arrived as had Henry’s hypnotherapy appointment.  The meeting was being held an hour away from Williamsburg, near where Henry’s appointment was later this afternoon.  Regina figured that she would be an hour away,so if the meeting looked like it was going to take longer than anticipated she could get Emma to drive Henry there and meet them both at the doctors office.

 

After completing her tasks in her town hall office, she headed on over to the meeting, it was a good two hour drive from Storybrooke, and there was no time for her to sop to have lunch.  She made the executive decision to get fast food from a drive through along the way and eat whilst she was driving. Something she wouldn’t normally condone doing, not of herself or anyone else.

 

Once she arrived, she gave herself the once over, checking her makeup and hair in the mirror.  It was visibly clear she was stressed about this meeting as the vein in her forehead was swollen.  “Hmm well at least if you’re visible the people in that office will know not to fuck with me today.  I’m in no mood.” Her stomach was unsettled with what she was about to do. What Gold had asked of her went against her moral and ethical beliefs.  But right now, having Emma at her house, if Killian managed to find out where she was living, then maybe having this stand your ground law passed wouldn’t be such a bad idea.  Emma had taken the man’s hand clean off in fear, so he must be a pretty dangerous person to have around. Even with one hand, you can never underestimate a villain, but then you can never underestimate a hero either.

 

Just as she stepped out of her car, hands full with her files, her cell phone rang.  She didn’t have time to look at who was calling, so she blindly answered it.

 

“Mayor Mills,” she greeted the caller

 

“I trust you’re at the meeting, dearie?”

 

“Gold.  Yes I’m here.  I don’t want to do something like this again.  Once this is over, and I have Henry’s adoption information, don’t ever ask me to do anything like this again.”

 

“I can assure you, Madam Mayor, after this little favour I won’t need to ask for another.  The other I had to ask, I’ve found someone who would be more up to the task.”

 

“Well whatever that is I’m glad I won’t be a part of it.  This meeting has me stressed before I’ve even set foot through the door.  When can I collect Henry’s file?”

 

“I’ll meet you at the town line after your meeting.”

 

“I can’t Gold I have an appointment to take Henry to an hour away from here I don’t know when I’ll be finished for the evening.”

 

“You didn’t take the boy with you did you?”

 

“No of course not.  He’s with Mother Superior for the time being.  I have someone bringing him to me later.” She explained making sure to make a mental reminder to text Emma and tell her just to go ahead and bring Henry to the appointment.

 

“I see… that pretty little blonde I saw you with?”

 

“Let’s not pretend you don’t know who she is Gold.  And whom I get to help me bring my son to his appointments is of no concern of yours.”

 

“Yes, well you do you, dearie.  Personally I wouldn’t allow my child to be in the presence of such a dangerous woman, not after she killed ma boy.”

 

“You think I don’t know about that?  She was honest, she told me about that.”

 

“That’s the thing about honesty.  You can still be honest whilst omitting certain facts.  Like I said dearie, your choice to believe her. You do you. Now, go ahead to the meeting.  I’ll meet you there after it’s over instead.”

 

“Fine.” Regina ended the call abruptly.  The seed was planted in her mind now, and doubt was growing.  What had Emma not told her? She wanted to ask Gold but at the same time, she knew exactly how manipulative he could be.  The only thing you could take his word for is keeping his end of a deal. Anything else was all smoke and mirrors and couldn’t be trusted.  As irritating his know it all persona was though, the seed was germinating fast, sprouting concern. Could she trust Emma around her son?

 

***

 

Whilst Emma was cleaning up the kitchen Henry was still sat at the breakfast bar.  The pair were growing close and Emma found herself developing quite a fondness for the boy.  She understood him, the way he processed, the way he would vocalise some things whilst holding thing back reminded her of herself.  Even now she has to work really hard to get emotions to come out, and Henry seemed to be very similar. It made her wonder what her own son would have been like.  He would be around Henry’s age now, she dismissed the thought as quickly as she thought of him. Thinking about her baby boy was overwhelming. Giving him up to have his best chance was the moment that her heart truly broke.  Though she has healed the pain of losing him, she didn’t want to reopen old scar tissue and pick at it. She knew then like she knew now, she would her life was forever altered that day.

 

“Oh crap!”  Henry shrieked!  I’ve spilled my drink all over my pants!”  Emma turned round to see underneath the breakfast bar, orange juice dripping from the bar and his pants were stained with the drink.

 

“Stay there don’t move.”  She said putting down the bowl she was washing and drying her hands on the tea towel beside the sink.  “I’ll get you another pair of pants.”

 

She ran upstairs to Henry’s room and from his wardrobe, she retrieved a pair of pants that seemed baggy and like they could accommodate the cast.  She grabbed some underwear from his top drawer, and stopped into the main bathroom to fetch a towel before racing back downstairs, hoping the cast wasn’t wet.  Luckily it was mostly in his lap.

 

“Okay kid, I know I don’t know you all that well, but I can’t let you spend the whole day in wet pants, so we need to change them.  If I help you stand would you let me change these pants for you?”

 

“Yeah, it’s sticky though.”

 

“Yeah I’m sure that’s uncomfortable.  Okay, how about I get something for you to… you know clean yourself up a bit after I get these off and put them into the washing machine?  Can you do that?” Henry nodded. She placed the towel, underwear and trousers over a stool, and took a look in the cupboard under the sink for a bucket.  “Where’s the cleaning stuff kept? I need a bucket.”

 

“There’s a pantry near the back door.”  Henry pointed his finger towards the pantry.  She found a plastic bucket inside. She rinsed it out before running some warm water whilst taking herself to Henry’s temporary bedroom ensuite to collect a bar of soap and a flannel.

 

“Okay kid, here’s what we’re gonna do.”  She said as she came back into the kitchen, turning off the faucet and bringing the bucket of warm water over.  “I’m gonna help you stand and I want you to steady yourself on the breakfast bar okay?” Henry nodded at Emma’s instruction.  “I’m going to remove your pants and underwear, don’t worry I’m not gonna look at you, I’m gonna be too focused getting these pants off of your cast without hurting you. Okay?”

 

Henry agreed, and once Emma had got him to his feet, she stood to his side to remove his trousers, trying to give him the most dignified stripping possible.  As she pulled his trousers down felt his hand swift knock her shoulder as he cupped himself. Getting the pants over the cast was going to be tricky, so Emma was focusing on getting them over the the cast without pulling his leg around.  She managed to get his pants and underwear off, but something had caught her attention on Henry’s thigh just above his knee. Henry had a tea stain birthmark that looked very similar in shape to her son’s birthmark, resembling the silhouette of a swan, in exactly the same place.  It was the one thing she kept of Devan by changing her surname to Swan.

 

It stunned her for a moment.  Henry was an adopted kid, he had much darker hair than Devan, but hair colour changes.  Henry could be her son. _No it… it can’t be.  Surely these birthmark shapes are fairly common._  “Uh… I’m gonna turn round,”  She said, taking his trouser down to his feet whilst she stared at this birthmark.  “Take the flannel and soap, and use the warm water to clean yourself. Don’t worry about the mess I’ll mop up afterwards.”  She turned around so that Henry could get himself cleaned up.

 

“Ugh juice is so sticky!”  Henry said and she heard the water splashes.

 

“Yeah, its uh... it’s got lots of sugar in it that’s why.”  Emma was trying so hard to dismiss that this could be her son.  But at the same time, she she had missed him so much all these years, thinking she would never see him again.  And now, if it was him, he’s back in her life through the most curious and bizarre strange twist of fate. There’s no way she would ever know for sure.  She had to push her feelings aside for the moment. Henry was Regina’s son now, whether she had given birth to him or not, Regina raised this boy and he had no clue about his adoption.  She couldn’t let that information slip out of her mouth and potentially destroy everything he had ever believed to be true.

 

“I’m done Emma.”  His little voice breaking her from the chaos within.  She put on the most convincing _‘everything is okay’_ face, and carried on assisting him with getting dressed.

 

“Good job, kid.  Now, let’s get these pants on you before Mother Superior shows up.”


	16. Letting Go

The meeting seemed to go well for Regina, but it was too soon to hear what the decision would be.   She made a good case in supporting the move to have a stand your ground law in place of the alternative law, she did the best that she could.  Only time would tell if her efforts would pay off. Sure enough as promised Gold was parked beside her, just waiting for her to arrive. He feet carried her to his front passenger door, and she got in without invitation.

 

“How’d the meeting go Madam Mayor?”  Gold asked without even looking at her.

 

“It went well, but as you know Gold.  I did my very best putting the argument forward and there was agreement that it would be something that needed careful consideration.  But after everything had been accounted for, it will go ahead."

 

"Well done dearie, I knew you could do it!"

 

"Can please have my son’s adoption documents now?”

 

“So how well do you know Miss Swan, Madam Mayor?”

 

“Not this again Gold.  Why can’t you leave her out of this?  This is about me having medical information to help my son for the future.  It has nothing to do with her!” She snapped at the weedy older man. She was beginning to lose her patience with his obvious mind games.

 

“I wouldn’t be too sure on that, dearie,” he said handing her the file.  The second page I think you’ll find really interesting.” His smirk made Regina uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as she was about to be.

 

Regina hesitantly opened the file.  The first page held a photograph of Henry with some basic information, including his birthmark, and some medical information, such as allergies, illnesses he’d had up until she had taken him into her care.  She turned the second page to find a photo of of Emma. It was a photo she had submitted with Devan’s paperwork should he, now Henry, wish to find her at age 18. She picked up the paper and brought it closer, not that she had trouble seeing that it was a photo of a much younger Emma, but more so because she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing.  Below Emma’s photo was a photo of Neal with a statement from Emma to say that he had passed away in a tragic car accident, but she had left the passport size photo in case he wanted to know what his dad looked like.

 

“Quite the shock isn’t it, Madam Mayor?  I guess you can say, we’re family now.” Regina’s stomach clenched that she felt nauseous, having Gold as family was bad enough. “It’s either a cruel twist of fate that the birth mother of your son should be here in Storybrooke, during a time when your son is grieving the loss of his adoptive father.  Or perhaps this was her intention from the start. It didn’t take me long to get those documents. What if she’s managed to do the same? The woman was a bail bonds person, finding people is her job. And she did, she made her way right to your doorstep and you didn’t suspect a thing.”

 

“This can’t be happening,” she replied completely shocked by this revelation.  She couldn’t quite take all the information in, but it made sense. Emma was a stranger turning up out of the blue after finding her son when he was missing.  Emma being a hero gave Regina that secure feeling that Emma was a decent person.”

 

“I bet she even told you her version of events regarding how she killed my son just to give you a sob story to feel sorry for her.  Did she tell you that she nudged him as if they were in dodgem cars, towards the sign at the town line? He regained control before hitting that deer.”

 

***

 

Regina took everything with her and got out of his car into her own without saying a word, and sped off so fast that Gold couldn’t see her for dust.  He calmly took out his phone from his pocket, search for the number he wanted, and put the phone to his ear.”

 

“Crocodile!  Is it done?”

 

“The seed was planted.  The mind is amazing fertiliser for a seed, I have no doubt she’s making her way to that appointment now, and Emma will be cut from her life.  Seize your opportunity lad.”

 

“Aye, that I will.”

Call Ended.

 

***

 

Regina called Emma whilst she was driving, leaving it on speaker phone.  If there was one time she wished her vintage mercedes had a bluetooth, this was it.  With every ring she grew more and more impatient. _Wait Regina, if she’s taken Henry to his appointment it might be best to just act like everything is fine, and when I take him home she’ll be driving her car._   Just get home before she does, leave your key in the door and don’t let her in.  The call connected,

 

“Hey, we just got here. Are you on your way?”  Emma asked sounding like she was cold.

 

“Uh… yeah, that’s why I was calling.  Is Henry okay?”

 

“Yeah he’s fine.  Had to do some strategic maneuvering to get his wheelchair to fit but we got there in the end.”

 

“Hi Mom!”  Henry piped up in the background.

 

“Henry, is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah I’m okay.  Mother Superior gave me some meds earlier and I took a nap before Emma came and got me.”

 

“Okay good.  Go in and check yourself in I’ll be there soon.”

 

“Okay!”

 

“How long will you be?”  Emma asked, and do you want me to go in if they call him through?”

 

“No it’s okay, I’d rather be there for this.  Just stall them if I’m not there when he’s called.”

 

“Okay, see you soon.”  Emma cut off the call, and Regina sped as fast as she could to get to them.  She wanted to make sense of this. She wanted Gold to be wrong and just jumping to conclusions.  But she couldn’t see how else it could be. Emma being in Storybrooke again after all that time away of living away now seemed suspicious enough.   _Why come back now?  She was just fine doing her job in New York.  What made her come back? What if Gold is right and she did manage to find Henry?  What if she wants to take him away from me?_

 

Regina pulled into the parking lot of the therapy centre.  She got out of the car and took a few deep breaths whilst telling herself not to rock the boat.  She needed to figure out what the hell was going on and what Emma’s intentions were. After getting some directions from the receptionist, Regina found Emma and Henry in the waiting area.

 

“Mom!  You made it!”  Henry exclaimed, seeming delighted that she was able to make it to the appointment.  She walked over to her son and hugged him like she hadn’t seen him in months.

 

“Regina?  Are you okay?”

 

Regina kissed his head whilst holding him, remembering that she shouldn’t arouse any suspicion from Emma.  She gently pulled away from the hug. “Yeah, I’m okay. I just missed my son today that’s all.” She said in a soft loving tone whilst cupping his cheek in her hand.

 

“Well I’m right here.”  Henry’s sarcasm was coupled with a smirk

 

“I swear your sarcasm improves by the day young man. Though I’d rather you didn’t use it on me.”  Henry rolled his eyes at her comment. “Well, I can’t be mad at you for that, I know you get that from me.  

 

“I just want a quick word with Emma for a moment.  Stay right here.” Emma looked at Regina suprised by her statement.  She rose from her seat to go wherever Regina wanted to take her.

 

She was about to take a seat when the doctor called them into the therapy room.

 

“Mom, can Emma come in with me?”

 

“Oh… uh, I’m not sure that’s the best idea, Henry.  This is hypnotherapy, and there maybe things that come from it that you don’t want Emma to know.”

 

“But I want her there mom.  Can I? Please? **Please?”** Reluctantly Regina agreed and the trio went into the therapy room together.  

 

***

 

The therapy room was equipped for both children and adults.  It was a large room with a play area that contained many different toys and craft materials.  There was also a seated area that looked more suited to adults. Of course Henry’s eyes were drawn to the toys, and the tiny part of him that remained innocent and childlike wanted to play, but after everything he’s been through and still going through, most of the time he felt too old for toys.  He’d play on his Xbox, when he felt like playing anything. Losing his dad made him feel less interested in being a child. Daniel would regularly play games with Henry and they’d have their typical father son bonding moments. Daniel missing from those moments would just upset Henry, and he found it difficult to express that.

 

“Hello Ms Mills, I’m Doctor August Booth,” the doctor shook Regina’s hand and introduced himself.  Paediatric Psychotherapist specialising in Paediatric Hypnotherapy, lovely to meet you.” He turned his attention towards Henry and shook his hand.

 

“Nice to meet you Henry, but hey, what happened to your leg there champ?”

 

“I was in the forest when I shouldn’t have been and a boulder landed on my foot.”

 

“Oooh that sounds like it was really painful, but high five for the bravery!”  The doctor exaggerated his words to sound positive and appealing to a child of Henry’s age, but it was wasted on him. H just wasn’t that type of kid anymore.  The doctor held up his hand towards Henry expecting a high five that Henry really didn’t want to give. But he didn’t leave the doctor hanging and lightly smacked his hand onto the man’s.  Henry really wasn’t bowled over by this Doctor, who turned his attention to Emma.

 

“And you are?”  He asked holding out his hand, which of course Emma obliged and shook.

 

“Emma Swan.  I’m Henry’s school teacher and private tutor whilst he’s in the cast.”

 

“And she rescued me.  She save my life! Emma’s pretty awesome.”  

 

“Aw thanks kid,” she said messing his hair a little before making eye contact with the doctor again.  But yeah I am his teacher and a family friend. He’s not getting out of school work that easily.”

 

“Good thing, education is important.  Now Henry are you sure you want Emma here as well as your mom?”  

 

“Yes!”

 

The doctor walked around to his desk and they all sat down together.  Now Henry, I understand that you’ve been having psychotherapy treatment with Doctor Archibald Hopper for the past two years is that correct?”

 

“Yeah, since my dad died.”

 

“Mmm hmm, yes,  Doctor Hopper gave me a brief outline of your case.  I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your dad Henry. I’m sure that’s been pretty tough on you.”  The doctor seemed pretty sincere in his approach with Henry. His tone was much softer when addressing Daniel’s passing.  Henry clammed up and nodded. He didn’t really want to talk about how he felt, and he didn’t think he would be in this session.

 

“Hmmm.  Doctor Hopper has recommended that you see me today for Hypnotherapy treatment.  He’s given me a brief outline of the struggles you’re facing. He thinks this treatment may get you both out of what we call a “therapeutic rut”, which is where the therapist and the client, which is you Henry, become stuck in a cycle returning to the same ground.  It’s like you both keep going round in circles and not really moving forward, and that isn’t your fault or his.

 

“It does feel like we talk about the same things over and over again.”

 

“Well hopefully, trying this new approach with you might help with that.  Doctor Hopper isn’t trained in this area, so that’s why he’s sent you to me.  What it will involve is you lying on the couch, eyes closed and relaxing. You’ll listen to my voice and eventually you’ll slip into a different state of consciousness, so it’ll be kinda like you’re half asleep, and we are going to work within that state of consciousness okay?”

 

“I don’t really know what all that means.  Is it like when people get hypnotised on stage and they get told they are a chicken and to act like a chicken?”

 

“Yeah, only we’ll be doing important work.  You won’t be a chicken.”

 

“Okay I get it.”

 

“Great, well if you’re ready we’ll start now okay?”  

 

“Sure.”

 

“Okay, Ms Mills, Miss Swan, would you like to get Henry onto the therapy couch for me and help him to get comfortable?

 

“Of course,”  Regina said “Emma would you lift him by one arm and I’ll lift  him by the other?” Emma agreed and the two lifted Henry into a standing position.  Whilst the doctor moved his wheelchair, putting it to one side. They managed to get him sat on the couch and lifted his legs very carefully to swivel him round into a lying position on his back.

 

“You okay Henry?”  Regina whispered to him, stroking his cheek.  He nodded, and Regina gave him a dampened smile.  Henry had seen that types of smiles a lot over the past few years. Usually whenever he had an anger outburst and had calmed down enough to apologise and give his mom a cuddle.  Sometimes she would smile this way when she was nervous at something about to happen or had happened, but was trying to put on a brave face about it; like when she was talking with people after the funeral at his dad’s wake, telling them “thank you for coming” as they left.  After his chat with Emma at the house, he was beginning to understand that his mom was hurting too, maybe not over his dad as much as he was, but she was definitely hurting at the fact that he was hurting. He was ready to stop hurting but didn’t know how.

 

“You’ll be okay kid.”  Emma reassured him with a wink and a smile.  “We’ll be here with you the whole time.

 

“Promise?”

 

“We promise Henry.  Emma and I will be with you the whole session.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Let’s start with some mindfulness to get you relaxed and we’ll go from there.”

 

The doctor started a process called a mindful body scan.  He drew Henry’s attention to his body moving from head to toe, asking him to feel imagine them feeling totally relaxed and when he did he did feel his muscles relaxing to a point where he knew they were there, but he felt almost weightless.  When the doctor had finished the body scan and Henry confirmed he felt totally relaxed, he moved onto the hypnosis.

 

“Okay Henry, he said in a soft and calming tone.  Let’s start you imagining, and I’ll help you so that you can imagine your world”  The doctor said, in a soft and calming tone. “Now you can choose how you want to enter your new world Henry, and whatever the real world has can be there, but you can add things that aren’t real in this world.  How are you entering your world Henry?”

 

“I’m flying, on Aladdin’s magic carpet.”  He said, imagining he was riding it whilst kneeling.  Free from his leg injury he was perfectly fine in this world, as if it had never happened.  There were no physical limitations here. It was magical.

 

“Very good  Henry. Can you feel the wind in your hair and on your face?”

 

“Yes, it feels cool.”

 

“Do you like the feeling?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Wonderful Henry you’re doing great.  Now tell me what you see.”

 

“I see water, and the lights in the New York City ahead.  I’m flying past the the Statue of liberty .”

 

“The lights of New York, that’s great Henry. What can you hear?”

 

“Uh, the sound of the traffic, car horns, I can hear lots of people moving, talking, cell phones ringing, sirens, the city is loud.”

 

“Do you like the sounds.”

 

“Yes.  It’s louder than my thoughts”

 

“Okay it’s good that you are in a place that you like Henry.  Is there a specific thing you want to see.”

 

“My house.  I can see my house and… my dad!  And my mom… and Emma too. They’re all here  in the street waiting for me.”

 

“Okay Henry, what would you like to do now that you can see…”  The doctor continued talking Henry through his hypnosis. But it was as if is his voice faded out into the background noise of the city, muffled along this suburban street.  

 

Henry talked through what was happening, but his focus was on his dad, his mom and Emma, and not so much on the voice of the therapist, he wanted to do what he wanted to do and the first thing was to give his dad a huge hug.  The smile on his face as the carpet came in to land couldn’t get any bigger and tears of joy stained his cheeks.

 

The carpet landed right near Daniel and Henry jumped into his arms before it landed.  He could feel his father’s arms around him so tight, and Daniel put a hand on Henry’s head as he kissed the top of it.

 

“Ohhh my boy!  My boy, my boy, how I’ve missed you!”

 

“I missed you too dad!  So much! It hurts to not see you anymore and have these hugs!”

 

“I know Henry, it hurts me too son.  But I’m always watching over you, so you’re never on your own.  I know it feels like it sometimes but that’s because you don’t see the little signs I send you.”

 

“What little signs dad?  What do you mean?”

 

“Henry?”  Regina started as the pair began to loosen from the hug. How about we go inside and show Emma the house, you can show her your old room?”

 

“Can we do that?  I mean, we don’t even live here anymore, and Dad, how are you even here?”  Henry said forgetting how this all came to be. It was so vivid and real for him in that moment after feeling his dad hold him, it was a little confusing for him.

 

“You created this world Henry.”  Regina said bending down to his eye level.  “Come on. Let’s take your dad with us and go show Emma the house.”

 

“Yeah kid, I’d love to see where you used to live.”  Emma said as they all went inside. The house was completely empty, no furniture or fixtures.  It was the same way it was when Henry and Regina left, so it was the most recent memory that popped into his head first.”

 

“Well, this is how we left it.”  Regina said quietly. Emma was wandering around the space, seemingly interested.

 

“It’s pretty spacious.”  Emma’s voice echoed of the walls in the room.

 

“Well of course it is Emma it’s empty!”  Regina mocked “It doesn’t have to be though.”

 

“Your mom’s right Henry”  Daniel concurred. So go ahead, fill the house like how it used to be. You can do it.”  

 

Henry closed his eyes and imagined the house how it used to be.  With comfy couches, a glass top chrome legged coffee table on a furry rug.  There was a box of legos in the corner of the room. Henry and Daniel would spend hours building houses or making cars out of the colourful little blocks.  There were bookcases filled with books, and large canvas photos, one of each wall. There was one of Regina and Daniel in their younger days, one them with Henry as a tiny baby, one of them all in Disney World and they were all wearing Mickey Mouse ears, and one where Henry is a few years younger than he is now just on his own wearing Batman cosplay flexing his muscles that were really the padding of the suit.  It was one of the last things Daniel had bought for him. He had been really upset to outgrow it, and he won’t part with it.”

 

“This feels like such a loving home.”  Emma finally said, breaking the silence that had found the room during its transition.  Henry showed Emma around with his mom and dad by his side. He didn’t want to be without his dad for a second.  They all sat down for dinner when Henry said he was hungry and imagined a table full of food. The mood was lighthearted, and Emma got to know Daniel, and got to know Regina a little bit more.  

 

After dinner they all went to sit in the rear garden.  There was no need to do the washing up because with just one thought it was all taken care of.  Henry was enjoying this mind space. The sun was setting and the fire pit was burning, the marshmallows were being toasted.  They family reminisced about their time together and henry delighted in telling Emma stories about the imaginative adventures that he and his father would have.  Imaginative play was by far Henry’s favourite because he could be whoever and whatever he wanted to be. As he told the stories he couldn’t get enough of his dad’s cuddles and light rough and tumble play.  But the fun and the cuddles couldn’t last. There was only so long he had of this session, and it was starting to get dark.

 

“Well as much as I wish this could continue Henry, it’s time for me to leave.  I don’t get to control how long I stay here, and neither do you when you’re in session.  I need to be on my way son.” Henry bolted to him holding him tight.

 

“No dad, No!”  he said through the tears in his eyes.  Please stay just a little while longer. Please?”

 

“My boy, I was only meant to stay for a little while today to help you move forward.  It’s time. I can feel it I’m going to be floating away to where I’m meant to be soon.”

 

“Noooooo!  I don’t want you to go!”

 

Regina made her way over to Daniel and Henry, nearby but gave them their space at the same time.  “Must you go so soon, Daniel?”

 

“You knew I couldn’t stay, Regina.  I’ve kept my eye on you both for so long.  If I stayed, neither of you would move on. And you both need to.”  He put one arm around Regina whilst he kept the other on Henry who was looking up at him, memorising being in this hug.  She snuggled her face into his neck for a moment then kissed his cheek. I’ll miss you, I’ll always miss you. But I’m going to be okay now I know that your soul is well.”

 

“I want you to live a happy life, you and Henry, and with whomever you choose to let into your world and love.”  He said, then flashed a look at Emma.

 

“If it’s okay with you, Emma.  Will you look after these two precious people, and give them all the love they need?”  Henry furrowed his brow in confusion.

 

“I will, if they let me.”  Emma replied. Daniel thanked her and with that thanks he began floating.  His time was up. The therapist’s voice was gradually increasing in volume.   Henry was being pulled into the present moment, but he kept trying to fight it.  He felt Daniel’s body slowly start to lift, his feet were no longer touching the ground, his floating forced Henry’s arms open.

 

“No no noooooo!  He yelled I’m not ready!  And with that Henry used his imagination to tie a rope to daniel’s body, whilst he had the other end in his hands.”

 

“Henry, let me go son.  It’s gonna be okay, you’ve got to let me go.”

 

“But I don’t want to!”  He yelled. Regina tried to get Henry to let go, but his imagination was strong he had hold of Daniel so tight on that rope.  But the therapist was stronger with his pull of Henry back to the present, his voice was becoming louder. Emma tried where Regina was failing to get through.

 

“Kid he has to go.  He wasn’t meant to be here at this point in your life, he was meant to watch over you.  You can’t bring him back to our world.”

 

“I can try!”  Henry’s voice was straining as the rope got tighter in his grip.  His hands started feeling sore with the friction and he was losing the fight.  The rope flew out of his red, slightly blood stained hands, giving Henry’s palms almost instant relief to an extent.

 

“You see Henry?”  He yelled, “The longer you you hold onto someone who is no longer meant to physically be in your life, the more you hurt.  Holding onto me hurts you more than it does letting go.”

 

“But dad, I don’t wanna be without you!”

 

“You’re never without me Henry!  You’ll never forget me, so I’ll live forever in your mind and in your heart. You can replay your memories, and you can always visit me in this world you’ve created, but I need you to be in the present moment, to carry on living your life, and become the great man I know you are destined to become.

 

“How ill I know you’re watching?  You never told me what the signs were!”

 

Daniel raised his hand, commanding the world Henry had created to start raining feathers.  “These are all the signs I ever sent to you. Every time you see a feather cross your path, I’m letting you know that I’m watching over you.”  Emma and Regina moved closer to Henry either side of him, both putting an arm around him. The trio watched Daniel ascend until he was met by bright warm light…”

 

“... you can feel your eyelids, and your forehead now as your mind moves into the present real world… and all the negative emotion you carry in your mind leaves through the pores of your skin.  The light is waking you, you are now in the present moment. In your own time Henry start to move your limbs… start of slowly, with fingers and toes, then arms and your good leg, and when you are ready, you may open your eyes.”

 

Henry did as he was asked, and his eyes opened gradually, seeing his mom and Emma and the psychotherapist.  

 

“That’s it Henry, take your time”  He encouraged. “You’ve been on quite the journey.  Let me know how you feel when you can speak.”

 

Henry was processing what had just happened.  It felt so real, even down to the cuddles and how Daniel was with him.  He flexed his fingers and used his thumbs to feel the palms. His skin didn’t hurt, they weren’t blistered, chapped or bleeding as he had felt under hypnosis.  But it felt so real. He realised that he could visit Daniel anytime he liked and that letting go doesn’t mean pretending like he never existed. It just mean letting the pain of the loss go so that he didn’t hurt as much.  He would always miss him. But he knew, it was time for him to move forward and make his dad proud by being the best man he could possibly be.

 

“Mom?”  Regina moved around to the side of the couch, and as as she was within his reached Henry took her hand and pulled her in for a cuddle.  He gave her the tightest squeeze and whispered. “I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time. I know you hurt too.”

 

“Oh Henry!  I hurt too but not so much over your father anymore.  My hurt has been over seeing you in so much pain.” Henry could hear that his mother was crying through her words.  He finally understood that she wasn’t the enemy here. He had been his own enemy pushing her ad everyone else away.

 

“From now on I’m going do better.  Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, even when I didn’t appreciate it.  I’m sorry mom. I love you!”

 

“I love you too Henry.  I always have and always will and nothing will ever change that.”  Her voice cracked as she said that and Henry knew she was crying, not tears of sadness, but more of relief that her son had finally come back to her.


	17. Ghosts' Revenge

Emma came away from the therapy room feeling exhausted.  Seeing the boy who could be her son have such an emotional moment during hypnosis pulled on her heart strings.  She gave her son up for his best chance, whether he was her son or not, Henry is an adopted child, and if it wasn’t Emma who gave him up, then another mother somewhere might have done, and his best chance was to experience all the pain he had held onto all this time?   _Fate is a cruel mistress._

 

After Regina thanked Doctor Booth for his session with Henry had told her got more out of that session than he ever did with Doctor Hopper, and wanted to continue seeing him for the time being.  Regina was happy that Henry got a lot out of the session, and made a series of appointments at his request that could fit around her schedule.

 

On the way to Regina’s car, Henry stopped them both for a moment.  “Look a feather!” He cried, pointing to the ground in front of him.  “Dad is letting me know we’ll be okay. Emma picked up the feather and handed it to Henry.  He held onto it and smiled. “I’ll keep this one because it’s the first. But he’ll send me many, I know it, but I can’t hold onto them all, it’d be like holding onto the pain, right mom?  And he doesn’t want me to do that.”

 

Regina kissed his head in agreement with him and assisted Henry with getting into the car, whilst Emma folded and placed Henry’s wheelchair in the trunk.  By the time she got the it secured, she closed the trunk to find Regina standing with her.

 

“Intense session”  Emma wasn’t quite sure what to say to Regina after such an intense hour in therapy.  She didn’t expect a response to such a statement. Regina’s sullen expression immediately caused discomfort in Emma.  “Regina? What’s wrong?”

 

“Miss Swan, why’d you really come back to Storybrooke?”

 

“Whaddaya mean?  You know why.”

 

“No, I know that you were in an abusive relationship a decade ago, but you never explain why you would give up a well paid bails bonds job in New York, the state Henry and I used to live in, to come back to this little town of Storybrooke, the little town in Maine that we live in now, to do teaching when that really doesn’t pay well.

 

“Teaching is my vocation, and used to live in Storybrooke once again you know this.”

 

“It’s a little coincidental don’t you think? You just happening to be in the same States as Henry and I have been in.”

 

“Regina what’s this all about?”

 

“You tell me Em-ma!”

 

“I have no idea what you’re trying to imply, so you tell me!”

 

Regina dragged Emma by her arm well away from her car, Emma realised that Regina didn’t want Henry to hear what she was about to say.

 

“Are you seriously telling me Miss Swan,”  Regina spoke through her teeth aggressively, trying to keep her voice down as she spoke.  “that you gave up a boy to be adopted in the same State that Daniel and I lived in, a boy who would be the same age as Henry is now, and you moved from New York to Storybrooke just two years after Henry and I moved to Storybrooke and nothing about that seems coincidental to you?”

 

Emma fell silent and looked away from her in disbelief that this was even happening.  “Just what are you implying Regina?”

 

“I think that you think Henry is your son and you’ve been keeping tabs on us the whole time waiting for your moment to take him away from me!”

 

“That’s absurd!”

 

“Is it?”

 

“Yeah!  It is! “Emma’s voice began to rise, “New York City is one of the biggest most densely populated cities.  You know how many kids get adopted there?! Sure I got back on my feet again, moved out of the sublet and into my own apartment my life got back on track, and sure I wanted to have Devan back in my life because I could provide for him and be the mother I never got to be. But even though I wanted that I couldn’t have it.  It would have been like trying to find a needle in a haystack!”

 

“Which is pretty much what you did for a job Em-ma! Come on!  You think I was born yesterday?”

 

“The records were sealed, god damn it!”  Emma shouted, her arms flying as she spoke in anger at the fact that she was being accused of stalking them and planning kidnap.  “How the fuck would I have known where my kid ended up?”

 

“You were a bail bonds person Emma cut the crap.  You could have easily found those records and decided to head to Storybrooke!”

 

“You’re saying it like you know he’s mine.  Why would you be saying this if…” the realisation hit her like an acme anvil hitting the coyote from Road Runner cartoons, right on her head, “...you’ve seen the records!”

 

Regina turned on her heel and started heading for the car, Emma grabbed her by her arm, spinning her around to face her, Regina shook her off, but Emma grabbed her arm a second time, “What the hell are you doing!”

 

“Where are the records Regina?!  That’s the only reason you brought all this up, you have them, where are they?!  Tell me!!!”

 

“MOMS!”  Henry’s shriek ran through Emma’s body, quite possibly Regina’s too, the both turn round in unison to see that Henry, stood on one leg outside the car, clutching the file in his hand, was screaming for his moms, both of them.

 

“He just pluralised the word mom.”  Emma said, her eyes wide in shock and panic.  She turned to Regina who was mirroring Emma’s expression.  

 

“I...I’d left them in my glove box…”

 

“Well he’s found them now!”

 

“I didn’t think he’d go rummaging through there whilst I was speaking to you!”

 

“He’s a kid, what the hell did you expect?!”  Emma snapped.

 

“I have to go deal with this, I owe him an explanation.”

 

“Not without me you’re not.”

 

“I raised him Emma, he’s _my_ son.  He needs to hear it from me.”

 

“He’s my son too.”

 

“Just… just wait here.”  Regina held her palms out in front of Emma, as if that would somehow stop her from following.  “He’s a fragile child and I know how to handle this. You’ve been out of his life all this time, you don’t know him like I do Emma.  Just give me a moment okay?”

 

Emma’s nostrils flared whilst she pressed her lips firmly together and nodded.  She needed a few moments to compose herself before she speak with Henry. She paced a little, taking deep breaths and trying to calm herself into a better headspace.

 

“Henry get back in the car, you’ll damage that leg for a second time if you’re not careful!”  Regina shouted walking towards him. She made sure he was in his seat and shut the door. She walked around to the drivers side and got in.  But then the engine started and they raced off, leaving Emma behind.

 

“UGH! WHAT THE FUCK, REGINA?!  FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” She screamed running over to her yellow bug.  The car wouldn’t start at first, a common problem with vintage cars, “Ah C’mon, c’mon, c’mon…. Fuck!    She yelled she kept trying, “Come the fuck on, you piece of shit!” The little old engine started on the sixth attempt.  She wasted no time in putting the pedal to the metal, speeding off as as fast as she could after her.

 

“Damn it Regina!  Why the fuck are you doing this?  Emma clenched her jaw as she drove, she was pushing this tin can on wheels and Regina fondly called right to the extreme.  “She can’t just leave it like this. She just can’t. Henry knows now! He knows!” She drove as fast as she could, but there was no sign of her just yet.  Her vintage Mercedes was in far better condition, and performed much better than this yellow bug. “I’ve got to catch up with her, I’ve got to. We both need to talk with our son!”


	18. We're Going to See a Crocodile!

Regina had genuinely wanted to make things right after the tense argument with Emma.  But unbeknownst to Emma, what she didn’t see is that When Regina walked over to Henry, it wasn’t just Henry in the car.  Killian Jones had got into the car during their argument and held Henry at gunpoint, told him to call them over. Henry did as he was told, and When Regina arrived and put him in the car, she saw the barrel of the gun pointing at her son’s head.

 

“Hello your majesty, ruler of Storybrooke!  Get in the car Madam Mayor or your boy goes night night for his bedtime early and permanently!”  Killian gave her his most terrifying stare. He meant business and she wasn’t going to ruin his plan.

 

“How do I know you won’t kill him before I get to the door.”

 

“Because I need you to do as you’re told, you won’t do that if I kill him now, but don’t think I won’t pull the trigger if you don’t obey my command, now **get in the car!** ”  Killian pulled back the trigger and placed the barrel on Henry’s head.  He was frightened, they both saw it when he squeezed his eyes shut and begged him not to pull the trigger.  if his aggressive voice wasn’t enough, that action was. Regina got in the car immediately.”

 

“Good form woman, you did as you were told, as every woman should.”  He caught sight of his devilish smile in the rear view noticing Regina had seen it too he laughed.  He clicked the trigger back, and kept it pointing at Henry. Now drive! To Storybrooke. Go!” And with that Regina sped off leaving a dust trail behind her.

 

“So what’s your plan guyliner?”  Regina mocked.

 

“Your childish names do nothing to me.  We’re going to see a crocodile.”

 

“Somehow I don’t think you mean a trip to the zoo.”  Regina said trying hard not to upset this derange, abusive, pathetic excuse of a man.

 

“No Miss High and Mighty, go to Gold’s shop.  I’m leading Emma there.”

 

“What for?”

 

“Never you mind, just drive.”

 

“Mom, I’m scared.”

 

“I know sweetie I know. It’s gonna be okay…”

 

“Ugh this putred display of affection is vile, just do as you’re told and you’ll be fine.  Keep whimpering like a weak little girl and I’ll you’ll push me to killing you. You got that, _mate_?!”

 

Henry remained quiet, and so did Regina.  Every time they hit a red light he forced Regina to run it and luckily they didn’t hit any traffic.  They swerve a few cars but managed to survive. But the most miraculous thing was that somehow against all the odds, Emma in her little yellow bug was in the far distance behind them as they were entering into Storybrooke.

  

Regina could see Emma in her sights, her eyes lit up hoping that Emma would be able to stop this somehow.  She needed a saviour now more than ever because she was in no position to be her own hero. _Please Emma, please catch up with us and see what’s going on and stop this psychotic ex of yours from harming us! I should have asked the Sheriff to escort us to the therapy centre, damn it!”_

 

She glanced at Henry, and placed her left hand that she lap.  She had taught Henry some sign language as an extracurricular activity before his behaviour became unmanageable and she hoped he remembered it. _"Call Graham"_ she signed "D _on’t speak."_

 

Regina noticed Henry processing what she had said.  He slyly used his apple watch to get his cell phone in his trouser pocket to call graham to call graham.  The call had connected so Henry gave her a discrete thumbs up.

 

“So…  Killian, why are you doing this to us, and to Emma?”

 

“I’d have thought this was obvious”  He said taking her hair into his hook, then sliding it down her neck.  Perhaps I should have turned up here sooner.” He took a long sniff of her hair.  “You smell good for a ball busting Madam Mayor.”

 

Regina shuddered slightly as the cold metal tip scraped her neck gently.  She looked at Henry out of the corner of her eye. “Let’s not in front of my son okay?  You have a gun pointed at my son’s head, you have us against our will and you’re making me drive to Gold’s shop without any explanation as to why,  I think that’s traumatic enough for my son, without the indecent assault implications don’t you don’t you?

 

“Fair point Madam Mayor, apologies.  That was not good form Henry dear boy.”

 

“Don’t talk to me.”  Henry said defiantly.

 

“Music to my ears I can’t stand whiny little brats anyway!”  

  
As they approached Gold’s shop Regina checked back in the rear view, Emma was nowhere to be seen.   _Where the fuck did she go?_


	19. The Stand Off

Emma could see Regina’s car in the distance, she wasn’t ready to give up, but her car was.  Her fuel light had come on. She would just be able to make it to Storybrooke, possibly to Regina’s house, but figured she would have to get some gas there.  Her phone began to ring. Glancing at the screen she could see it was Sheriff Graham.

 

“Not the best time Sheriff.”

 

“Are you with Regina?”

 

“No I’m not right now, she took off and I’m chasing after her like a fucking idiot!”

 

“Don’t!  Emma you need to stop right now.  Break! Stop! Immediately!” Emma hit the breaks and the car skidded to a holt.

 

“What the hell is going on?!”

 

“A man called Killian has them hostage in that car.  And it’s a trap to lure you to Gold’s store. I have no idea why, or what would happen if you go in.  But that’s what he wants.”

 

“Fuck!”  Emma punched the steering wheel and she yelled.  I thought she… never mind. My ex is in the car with them.  Yes, and he’s got a gun to Henry’s head, that’s why she’s driving to Gold’s, he’s forcing her.”

 

“I’m going in, if Killian and Gold want me they can take me and leave them outta this.”

 

“Emma no you can’t….”  Emma cancelled the call and started driving again heading straight for Gold’s store.  “This ends now!”

 

Emma drove into the town like a bat outta hell running on fumes.  She stopped at the garage to put some gas in her car, and calmly carried on down the street so as not to draw any further attention to herself.  Regina’s car was parked outside of Gold’s shop, it was empty so she assumed they were inside. Despite the closed sign on the door, she didn’t hesitate she walked straight in.

 

And saw Regina and Henry tied to to chairs with gags in their mouths.  And standing directly in front of her was Mr. Gold.

 

“Hello dearie, it’s been a long time Miss Nolan… or should I say Miss Swan now.”

 

“Does it matter Gold?  You’re gonna kill me anyway.”

 

“Yes, I distinctly remember telling you that I will have my revenge when the time was right.  Killian locked the store’s front door. And Emma knew immediately it was him. She could smell the rum on his breath before he got behind her.

 

“Miss me, Swan?  It’s a shame you’re going to die I kinda like the ring to that name.”

 

“I missed you like I’d miss a hole in my head.”

 

“Well that has already been arranged, love!”  He laughed. His menacing demeanour and words made Henry and Regina squirm, their muffled screams trying to get out begging him to let her go.

 

“Well dearie, all though today is the day I kill you, I’ll give you a fighting chance.  His leather gloved hands reached for the gun he had on the counter, “Catch!” he said as he tossed it to her.  Emma caught it in her bare hands without even thinking. She dropped it immediately.

 

“Well it’s too late now dearie it’s got your prints all over it.”  He took a gun out of his pocket and aimed it at her. “Pick it up, Miss Swan”  he said as he pulled back the trigger. Emma complied, he tossed over one bullet.  

 

“You have a chance Miss Swan.  If you can shoot and kill me before I shoot and kill you, then you can walk out of here free.”  He said, putting a silencer on his gun.

 

“I can go free?  You must think I’m stupid, with Killian around I’ll never be **free.** ” she said, clenching her jaw.

 

“Hmmmm.  I’m a man of my word… let me fix that for you.”  Gold shot Killian square centre in his head, he fell forward in front of Emma.  “I’m a good shot Miss Swan… and he was not longer needed nor will he be missed.

 

“Pick up that bullet Emma, you have a chance.”

 

Regina managed to get her gag loose.  Don’t do it Emma! This is why he blackmailed me to push the stand your ground law!  He’s framing you so he can get away with murder!” Gold stood tall, seemingly proud of himself.

 

“No I don’t.  You’re a good marksman.  You barely got your aim before making that shot.  I won’t take it.

 

“Pick up the bullet Emma!  Play my game!”

 

“No!”  She yelled in defiance.  "The second i pick it up, I'm a target."

 

Gold pointed the gun at henry and Regina and they both forced their eyes shut.  “Maybe I could use a different target.  If this is your choice, so be…”

 

“ **Wait!!!** ”  She yelled in fear and dread.  “Okay okay you win. Don’t hurt either of them!  “This between you and me is nothing to do with them.  

 

She loaded her gun, clicked it ready aiming it at his head, and Gold did the same.  On the count of three Miss Swan… One… two…

 

“Freeze!”  Sheriff Graham emerged from the back room of the store, his gun ready to fire aimed at Gold’s head.  “Put your weapon on the counter next to me Gold. Do it now or I’ll kill you I swear!”

 

He went to put it down, but quickly took a shot at Emma.  Sheriff Graham fired one good clean shot close range into Gold’s head.  And he fell to the floor.

 

For a split second Emma smiled as she thought he's missed her but it didn't take long for the painful sting in her shoulder to make it's presence known. The burning paid deep in her flesh shocked her into shallow breath, she placed her hand to her shoulder and the rough hole in her leather jacket allowed the pool of warm blood onto her fingertips. 

 

“Fuck!  I’m bleeding!”  Emma’s shoulder had been hit right by her collar bone.  Graham acted quickly using his jacket to mop the blood applying pressure to Emma’s shoulder.

 

“Emma! Noooooooooooooooo!  Regina screamed, Henry screamed through his gag, crying at the sight of his other mother bleeding out on the floor.

 

Graham called for backup and an ambulance explaining suspects are dead and victim is injured with a gunshot wound to the shoulder, Regina was fighting the rope trying to get free.

 

“Emma don’t you dare die on us!  We need you!” She screamed. Sheriff Graham kept talking to Emma asking her questions trying to make sure she stayed conscious.  

 

 She saw Regina run over to her, but couldn't stand any longer, the blood was pouring from her and she had no strength to put pressure on the wound.  Emma watched everything happening in slow motion.  She saw Regina threw herself to Emma's side, the sounds were muffled like she was under water, her eyelids became heavy, the pain was too much, her body gave in to the pain, her body went limp and her eyelids fluttered shut.


	20. The Gains of Letting Go

As the sunlight shone through the hospital windows onto her face, Emma began to stir.  She tried opening her eyes, but it was so bright, then she felt the pain in her shoulder.  She let out a huge groan, and whimpered a little like a child.

 

“She’s awake.  Mom wake up She’s awake!”  Emma hear Henry in the room but she could barely open her eyes.

 

“Emma?  Emma it’s Regina can you hear me?”  The mayor asked standing in front of her, keeping the sunlight out of Emma’s face.  When Emma could open her eyes, she could see the woman she loves staring back at her.  She knew that she loved her now, there was no denying that. She put herself in harm’s way when she let go of the fear of what might happen to herself, and risked it all to save Regina and their son Henry.  Regina smiled at Emma like she hadn’t seen her in forever.

 

“Hey my beautiful badass!”  Regina said.

 

“Hmmmm Emma said, not quite realising that Regina just used a term of endearment in front of Henry until a few seconds passed.  Wait… what did you just say?”

 

“She called you her beautiful badass!”  Henry said with a smile on his face.

 

“Wait… does he…?”

 

“Know about us?  Yes. You’ve been in a mini coma for the passed week Emma I had to explain what was going on and why everything happened.

“What do you think about that kid?”

 

“I think if my dad could pick anyone for my mom to marry and spend the rest of her life with, it’d be you.”

 

“So you’re okay with that?”

 

“Yeah, after all, your also my mom too!”  A little tear of happiness ran down Emma’s face.  She finally had her son back in her life, and found love with his adoptive mother.

 

“You may want to check your left hand, Emma.”  Regina suggested with a smile on her face. Emma looked down at her hand that was on her stomach, there was a Haribo ring on her finger.  “I know I’m suppose to ask before placing any kind of ring on your finger, but I thought I’d do it the other way round, and I couldn't leave your side to buy you a diamond one."

 

"I... I don't know what to say!"  Emma chuckled, wincing as she got comfortable to hear an explanation.  "What's going on?

 

"It's just as well I know what to say. Emma Swan, you have been the most greatest unexpected gift that the universe has ever given me.  You gave me a son before we had even met, and you saved our lives in more ways than one. You added happiness in our lives…” She pulled Henry in closer with her arm. "And you taught us both that letting go of a painful past can lead to a healing future that, albeit not what was planned for, can still be a wonderful one.  I can't imagine my life without you now, and I really don't want to be without you either.  You're family. Will you now make it even more official and give me the honour of becoming your wife?”

 

Emma smiled through tears forming in her eyes and pulled Regina down towards her wincing a little in pain.  "I'd be a damn fool not to!  Yes!"  She said kissing her future wife with all the love she had.

 

They had all endured so much both separately and together, all of them had held onto something painful in their past, but what they gained in letting go, was far greater than the pain they had held onto.  What they gained was mental and emotional freedom for themselves and in doing so, became a proper family, who will stand by each other no matter what.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was more of an epilogue. Yes I hate me too for having Emma shot... I'm an emotional masochist when it comes to fic so sue me. I wanted to put a lot more depth seeing more dating scenes between Emma and Regina, but three months to write and life struggles gave me no choice but to keep it shorter and sweet. This is my first multi chapter fic. I know it's not perfect, and I have so much work to do in refining storytelling. So I appreciate any comments and constructive feedback. 
> 
> Unfortunately my amazing Beta, Kayla, was unable to continue helping me edit due to personal circumstances, but she was amazing with what she could help me with. The last half of the fic I tried to edit alone, which isn't easy for someone with dyslexia and adhd. So if it seems perfect for the first half and not the second, that's why. But at least i did what i set out to do and that was to actually finish a multi chapter fic. However it's received, i'm proud of that achievement. Thanks SQSN

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [What We Gain In Letting Go Official Trailer [fanart/fanvideo]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15810135) by [redwooddragon7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redwooddragon7/pseuds/redwooddragon7)




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